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Season One Quotes:

Episode One | Episode Two | Episode Three | Episode Four | Episode Five | Episode Six | Episode Seven



Mr. Mister: BENTFENCE ... THAT IS AN INTERESTING NAME. TELL ME, HOW DID YOU COME TO BE NAMED THAT?

Bentfence: It is because of my impressive powers of weight. I am able to bend any fence by only throwing my body upon it.

~Mr. Mister and Bentfence, on the orgin of Bentfence's name, Episode 1~


Julie: Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. You know, I don't blame you if you try and scratch my eyes out since I like . . . ran over you and stuff. You know, you're the cutest road kill I ever saw.

~Julie to Krystina the Cat, not long after running over her, Episode 1~


Jeff: Is that a pencil in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Julie: Actually, it's a pencil in my pocket.

~Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff and Julie, who has Alex's really cool mechanical pencil in her pocket, Episode 1~


Julie: Stop right there! You hurt my feelings by attempting to kill me. Now you try and leave without apologizing. I don't think so. For all the girls who have been abused, in the name of cows, I'll punish you!

~Julie to Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, before battling him, Episode 1~


Niki: Wow . . . I want to be fat like him! All round in the middle and have my legs taper down to a fin . . .

~Niki, upon seeing the Great Walrus for the first time, Episode 2~


Valerie: I tried to bite someone's ear off.

Julie: You tried to bite someone's ear off?

Valerie: it seemed like the right thing to do.

Julie: Oh.

Valerie: You don't need to be afraid of me. I only kill people on Tuesdays.

~Valerie and Julie, on why Valerie's in Saturday School, Episode 2~


Mallory: Wait . . . I'm confused.

~Mallory, expressing her frequent inability to ever adequately understand what's going on, Episode 2~


Julie: It's not right to attack innocent girls with stink bombs, especially right after they were in Saturday School. Besides, everyone knows it's important to keep clean by showering daily. For all the poor people who find themselves within a hundred yards of your stench, in the name of cows, I'll punish you!

~Julie to Candicinsm, before battling her, Episode 2~


Candicinsm: I am ten times more evil than Jeff was! Compared to me, he was the Diet Coke of evil. One evil power, not evil enough!

~Candicinsm to Julie, Episode 2~


Senshi: Ah! I'm naked!

~all of the senshi during their original transformations, Episode 2~


Niki: It's like Kryptonite . . . only a lot worse!

~Niki, upon being forced to listen to N'Sync by the evil Candicinsm, Episode 2~


Tuxedo Dego: You should never force innocent teenagers to listen to teenybopper music! Not only is it wrong, but it is also immoral! I have come to protect these girls from your evilness.

~Tuxedo Dego to Candicinsm, after she forced the senshi to listen to N'Sync, Episode 2~


Niki: Kinda reminds me of my dreams, I think. Oh wait, no, I was wrong. Everybody always dies in my dreams.

~Niki, after Julie described her dreams of the mysterious prince, Episode 3~


Julie; I've decided to be Mrs. Alex . . . What's his last name again?

Valerie: Karollo.

Julie: The car?

Valerie: No. KarollO, not CarollA.

~Valerie and Julie, who is currently obsessing over Alex, instead of Tuxedo Dego, Episode 3~


Julie: People who-

Jeff: Oh, please! Spare the cheesy lines. They will only postpone your end a few moments!

Julie: Well, every second counts. And now, in the name of cows, I'll punish you!

~Julie and Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, before battling, Episode 3~


Julie: God, what is it with carbonated beverages and nuts?

~Julie, after being introduced to Rootbeer and Almonds and Mountain Dew and Cashews, Episode 3~


Fairy: Damn wings. Wal Mart sh*t. Never f%#king buy anything there.

~The Fairy Who Likes Coke and Peanuts, annoyed with his crappy, cardboard wings, Episode 4~


They all DIE? That's us! (I think).

You mean we die?

We died?

We're going to die?

~The senshi, upon finding out that they all died in past lives, Episode 4~


Julie: So . . . Tuxedo Dego . . . What'd you say if we go ahead and ditch these kids, hop in the backseat of Lauren's car . . . and you know . . .

~Julie, while attempting to flirt with The Prince Who Likes Coke And Peanuts, mistaking him for Tuxedo Dego, Episode 4~


Valerie: Don't you hate when that happens?

~Valerie, after the Prince mentions the coming of an unstoppable evil in his retelling of the Moo Kingdom legend, Episode 4~


Dego: I always wondered why I had goatphobia. The fear of goats. The psychologist seemed to think it was because my dog died. He told me the fear of goats was because I was afraid of getting close to another animal. But I guess he was wrong.

~Tuxedo Dego, after the Prince informs him that in a past life he was molested by goats, Episode 4~


Prince: In the past, you died before being able to use your powers to stop them. Alone, you are weak. Together, you will be stronger than they are. Even though they will outnumber you approximately 100 to 1.

~The Prince, while trying to reassure the senshi of their ability to defeat the bad guys, though their past incarnations failed to do so, Episode 4~


Niki: I am not LITTLE. Okay, well . . . maybe a little little. But not a lot little.

~Niki, after Julie insults the freshmen by using the term little, Episode 4~


Valerie: So . . . Prince Who Eats Nuts and Caffeinated Beverages . . . No . . . that's not right . . . Wait! I got it! The Prince . . . Who . . . Likes Nuts . . . and Balls . . . Oh hey, wait. That didn't sound right.

~Valerie, while trying to recall the Prince's official name, Episode 4~


Julie: Valerie? Would you miss your once invisible friend if she were to suddenly . . . disappear . . . for good?

Bob: Ohh . . . Was that a threat?

Julie: When it's a threat, you'll KNOW it's a threat.

Bob: Was that a threat?

Julie: Yeah. You can tell fat, smelly people to kill me, you can send me to hell, you can take my computer . . . no, nevermind. Forget I said that. But NO ONE messes with MY boyfriend.

Dego: I thought I was your significant other.

Julie: You are. You're my big, hairy, and Italian guy.

~Julie and Bob, fighting over the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts, while Tuxedo Dego feels unloved, Episode 4~


Dego: You mean, I'm gonna look like you when I get old? Remind me to kill myself before I reach the age of thirty.

~Tuxedo Dego, upon finding out the Prince is his future self, not realizing that they look identical, Episode 4~


Mallory: Wow. A miniature Julie meets a miniature Tuxedo Dego?

Niki: That's got to be scary.

Mallory: Which parent do you think she looks like?

Valerie: If it's a daughter, I'm hoping she resembles Julie. No offense or anything, but you would make a very scary woman.

Dego: None taken.

~The senshi and Tuxedo Dego, debating over the possible appearance of Julie's daughter, Alexia, Episode 5~


Mr. Mister: FINE. DESTROY! MAIM! KILL! HANG! POISON! RUN THROUGH! SQUASH! BLOW UP! I DON'T CARE! AS LONG AS THEY ARE DEAD. D-E-D! DEAD!

~Mr. Mister, to MC who feels uncomfortable with the use of the word "murder" in dealing with the Moo people, Episode 5~


Niki: Maybe she's adopted.

Mallory: No . . . if you look really close . . . You see . . . they both have . . . eyes . . . and . . . noses.

Niki: And mouths! Oh look! Two ears each even!

Valerie: To be honest, I really don't see how Alexia can be the offspring that resulted from Julie and Tuxedo Dego.

Krystina: Well, you see, the Japanese believe that when you take a short girl with brown hair (highlighted with pink) and then you take a big, hairy, Italian guy with dark hair and eyes, you end up with a tall, beautiful blonde with green eyes.

Senshi: Oh, I get it now.

Valerie: I suppose it makes more sense than them having a daughter with pink hair and red eyes.

~The senshi, confused as to how on earth Alexia could be Julie's child, Episode 5~


Alexia: It's just that my mother prefers to be alone, claiming that she's anti-social. When I was young she'd just sit in her room, plaing with her Platinum Nintendo 2064. I've been going to a boarding school for several years and when I visit we rarely talk. She never visits me, claiming that she can't leave the Platinum Nintendo 2064, since it is the royal treasure and must be guarded with her life.

Julie: What can I say? My Platinum Nintendo 2064 really kicks the moose's a$$.

Alexia: I thought that maybe if I came back from the future, then we could bond. Only since you're now younger than me, we could be like sisters. Perhaps I could even play with your Platinum Nintendo 2064?

Julie: Not a chance in hell.

Alexia: That's what you always say! Couldn't I just touch it?

Julie: You touch it, you die.

Alexia: But . . . we're going to be like sisters.

Julie: That's what I say to my sister. Only, I'm less nice. "Go away, you fat, ugly b%#ch," is the phrase I most often use. If that doesn't work, the throwing of large, pointy objects usually does the trick.

~Julie and Alexia, having a loving mother/daughter chat, Episode 5~


Bob: Well, I want a new name! I look like an idiot telling people my name is Bob.

Valerie: You don't need to be saying anything to look like an idiot.

~Bob and Valerie, getting along as usual, Episode 5~


Julie: What's the deal with Gerg? He's her dad!

Valerie: No. He's the horny teenage version of her dad. Technically, they are two very different people.

~Valerie and Julie, who is annoyed with Gerg for being so enthralled by Alexia, Episode 5~


Niki: Why would we want to watch our backs? That's boring. My back never does anything interesting.

~Niki, after Krystina advised the senshi to watch their backs, Episode 5~


Bob: How did he know you were Sailor Moo? I thought it was a secret identity.

Jeff: Do you think I'm stupid? She looks exactly the same as when she's wearing her sailor outfit. Only an idiot would be fooled.

Niki: I'm an idiot? I just thought I was special.

~Bob, Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, and Niki, commenting on the fact that the senshi's 'disguises' suck, Episode 5~


Julie: Even if you buy me an expensive, tailor-made gown, I still won't forgive you! Using your evil ways to-

Jeff: Enough already! Please? You're giving me a migraine.

Julie: Fine. In the name of cows, I'll punish you!

~Julie and Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, preparing to battle again, Episode 5~


Bob: Wake up! Hello? It's not over yet!

Niki: C'mon, Mr. Walrus, just five more minutes.

Bob: Mr. WALRUS? Are you saying I'm FAT?

Mallory: Don't take her seriously. She doesn't make any sense when she's tired.

Valerie: Or when she's awake.

~The senshi, trying to wake Niki up before the final battle, Episode 6~


Valerie: Do you think my powers involve biting people's ears off? 'Cause, that'd be cool.

~Valere to Krystina, after the cat informs her that she has yet undiscovered hidden powers, Episode 6~


Alex: Yeah . . . well, I can be a f%#king deep person.

~Alex to Julie, after she tells him he doesn't seem the contemplating type, Episode 6~


Bentfence: There is someone else here! She is invisible, but it is one of them!

Niki: How did you know?

Bentfence: I could smell her.

Bob: Are you saying I SMELL? I have you know I bathe once every other week!

~Bentfence, Niki, and Bob, who has unsucessfully tried to fool Bentfence by being invisible, Episode 6~


Alexia Did you defeat them?

Bob: No problem.

Niki: It was a piece of . . .pie.

Valerie: Mwhahahaha. Get thee to a punnery.

~The senshi, after the freshmen defeated Smeezer and Bentfence whose own possessed pie attack had failed when Niki consumed them, Episode 6~


Valerie: Oh, no. I think it's perfectly natural for a girl to turn into a . . . non-girl who looks exactly like Alex while spinning around in the air naked. It happens all the time.

~Valerie to Alexia, who was worried her surprisetransformation would come as a shock to the other senshi, Episode 7~


Alex: The who? Oh, so now I'm a f%#king fairy? Was it because I watched figure skating as a child?

~Alex, after being informed that not only is he a girl, but a fairy as well, Episode 7~


Bob: It's all . . . your . . . fault . . .b%#ch.

~Bob's final words to Julie, after trying to save her life from Mr. Mister, Episode 7~


Niki: Tell the walrus . . . that I'm coming home. It's time . . .for me to . . . go to sleep. Always eat your vegetables, kids.

~Niki's final words to Julie, before departing from this world and entering to the final sleep, Episode 7~


Julie: I did it! The power hidden inside me! I have it!

Dego: But . . . That's just a penny.

Julie: It's not just a penny! It's an A$$ PENNY!

~Julie and Tuxedo Dego, after the long-awaited appearance of Julie's hidden power, the a$$ penny, Episode 7~


Dego: Sailor Moo, do you know what to do?

Julie: I think I have an idea. Let's see if this a$$ penny is all it's cracked up to be.

~Tuxedo Dego and Julie, preparing to use Julie's new power against the powerful Mr. Mister, Episode 7~


Julie: I just . . . I don't understand.

Cajun Man: Confusion?

Julie: Cajun Man-

Cajun Man: Kevin.

Julie: Kevin . . . why did you do it?

Cajun Man: Boredom.

Julie: Why attack the Moo People?

Cajun Man: Disruption.

Julie: What did we get in the way of? What did you hope to accomplish?

Cajun Man: World domination?

Julie: That's horrible! What about my friends?

Cajun Man: Aggravations.

Julie: You killed them! Why?

Cajun Man: Inspiration?

Julie: I'll never see them again!

Cajun Man: Correction.

Julie: What do you mean? There's a way I can save them?

Cajun Man: Magic potion.

Julie: Really? Give it to me, and I might let you off easy.

Cajun Man: Probation?

~Julie and Mr. Mister, whose secret identity was discovered to be Cajun Man after the final battle, Episode 7~


Niki: We died?!

Mallory: We die?!

Bob: We're going to die?!

Valerie: Don't you hate when that happens?

~The senshi, after Julie brings them back to life, upon finding out that they had recently died, Episode 7~


SMoo Randomness:
Valerie: Oh my God! My recipe for the perfect man! At last! My dreams have been fulfilled!