Mallory: Hey, Bob, shut your face!
Niki: Yeah, really. Some people are trying to sleep! I mean, by God, it's not even noon yet!
~Mallory and Niki are annoyed by Bob, Part 1~
Valerie: When I first got the shredder, I was as overjoyed as you are now. There's just something about destructive machinery that makes you want to wake up every morning and start each day with a smile.
~Valerie finds delight in her paper shredder, Part 1~
Julie: Has everyone but Bob found their letter? Alright, Niki, do your thing. Everyone else, help me lock Bob in the cupboard under the stairs.
Valerie: There's no cupboard under the stairs. Will the hall closet do? It's very small and dark and it smells funny.
Julie: That will be fine.
~Julie and Valerie keep Bob from her Hogwarts letter of acceptance, Part 1~
Niki: In London, we can buy our owls! I want an owl!
Mallory: Niki, calm down. You're obsessing again.
Niki: Oh, right. Sorry.
~Niki obsesses about buying an owl, Part 1~
Niki: Bob, give me your shoe.
Niki: You lost my damn shoe in another dimension and then had it turned to gold and eaten by a cow! Now give me your bloody shoe. (while using the shoe to kill spiders) Die, Bastards! Die!
Valerie: Oh no! Niki's gone mad, hasn't she?
~Niki uses Bob's shoe to kill spiders on the brick wall behind the Leaky Cauldron, Part 1~
Olivander: I remember every wand I've ever sold, every single wand. It just so happens that the troll whose a$$ hair is in this wand gave another a$$ hair - just one other. It is very curious indeed that she should be destined for this wand when its brother belongs to the one you've come to destroy. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
~Olivander the wand maker reveals the unusual history of Bob's wand, Part 1~
Eva: But I saw her headed straight for the wall . . . Judging by the angle and velocity at which she was moving, there was no way she could have veered off at the last minute when I closed my eyes. Not without suffering a severe injury, at least.
Vanessa: Which only leaves one possibility. She must have run through it.
Valerie: It wouldn't be the first time Niki has run towards seemingly solid, large, squareish pieces of matter, only to disappear upon the moment of impact. Though I admit that the wall is a bit larger and more rectangular-shaped than the TV was.
Julie: It's a bit harder than a TV too. Why Niki constantly pulls this kind of stunt is beyond me. Judging by what we did and did not see, it appears that Niki ran through the wall, despite the overwhelming odds that she would smash painfully against it.
Mallory: It's as though . . . there is no wall.
Valerie: Ohh, deep.
~The senshi marvel over Niki's disappearance through Platform 9 3/4, Part 2~
Niki: I admit, they are ridiculously adorable. But I think they'd look even cuter if they were made completely out of feathers. Like owls.
Julie: You need to get over your obsession. Like now. You're really starting to scare us.
Niki: Me scaring you is a recent development?
~Niki obsesses over owls and their new school uniforms, Part 2~
Valerie: Ooh . . . organized violence. I'm intrigued. Do tell more.
~Valerie is intrigued by Quidditch, Part 2~
Sorting Hat: I am a hat as you can see.
There's no other hat, grand as me.
I'm worn and torn with years gone by.
I love to talk, but never lie.
And now alone, my very song,
Will tell you where you each belong.
But do not fear the tales I spin,
For evil almost never wins.
So heed to the legend that I tell
Of four enchanters who founded well,
This school in which you will now stay
To learn all magicks from this day.
Great Gryffindor, his aim was true.
Pride and bravery were all he knew.
If from evil you like to hide,
Your place won't be at Gryffindor's side.
Just Hufflepuff, known to be kind,
Was quick to judge a loyal mind.
If you don't believe in what is right,
Hufflepuff won't lie in your sight.
Wise Ravenclaw, both shrewd and keen,
Had no love for those dumb or mean.
For those whose knowledge will never grow,
Ravenclaw's House you'll never know.
Fiendish Slytherin, never very nice,
Was only filled with hate and vice.
Those who are cruel without much care
May prove to be evil Slytherin's heir.
Now put me on and I will say
The House which you will join today.
And happiness you'll find your house in,
So long as you're not in Slytherin.
~the Sorting Hat sings its song, Part 2~
Sorting Hat: Now, let's see . . . Hmm . . . Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of fearlessness, I see. Though often misplaced, I suppose your headstrong nature and eagerness to face all evils could be mistaken for courage. Not a bad mind either, if you hadn't gone and lost it already. There's talent, oh my goodness, yes -- and a nice thirst to prove yourself, now that's interesting . . . So where shall I put you?
Valerie: Not Slytherin?
Sorting Hat: Not Slytherin, eh? Are you sure? You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head . . . your violent nature, your tendency to harm your own friends rather than the enemy-
Valerie: Hey! Those were all accidents, you know!
Sorting Hat: Well, if you're sure -- better be GRYFFINDOR!
~the Sorting Hat places Valerie, Part 2~
Sorting Hat: Hmm . . . Let's see. You're pretty well-rounded. Got a bit of the bravery. As the on-and-off temporary leader, clearly you're not afraid to take charge. You're intelligent enough, though you overanalyzed so often in the past, you fried half your brain cells from overwork, leaving your mind in a permanently confused state.
Mallory: Oh! So that's what happened.
Sorting Hat: You're always loyal to your friends. In fact, the only thing you haven't got is a speck of evil. Why, you wouldn't even hurt a fly!
Mallory: Oh, but I did once! I buried it and said a little prayer. I felt guilty for weeks.
Sorting Hat: Hmm . . . You're freakishly honest as well. Guess I'll have to resort to the never-failing, old fashioned method of sorting. Which of the following do you prefer? Ravens or badgers?
Mallory: Well, since I don't actually know what a badger is, but I do know it has a rather obnoxious death cry, I'd have to say I prefer ravens.
Sorting Hat: RAVENCLAW! Like I said, it never fails.
~the Sorting Hat places Mallory, Part 2~
Sorting Hat: The only problem with that, is that there is no House with a walrus mascot.
Niki: Really? Anything with tusks?
Sorting Hat: No! Hush now, I'm trying to ponder. Hm . . . Not an excessive amount of bravery or willingness to do anything involving work of any kind. You have an inherently evil nature, but your complete lack of ambition (and feelings) cancel out the evilness, leaving you neither good nor bad, but somewhat ambiguous at times. Your intelligence is somewhat inhibited by your complete lack of common sense as well as your inability to rationalize anything.
Niki: Are you going to make up your mind anytime soon? I'm rather tired.
Sorting Hat: Don't harass me! Let me think . . . Very well, I'll take your obsessive devotion to walruses as a sign of loyalty, and I'll put you in -- HUFFLEPUFF!
~the Sorting Hat places Niki, Part 2~
Dumbledore: I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. Anyone venturing too near will be given a sound beating by a rather unattractive tree. If any of you manage to make it past the violent tree without a good throttle, you may find it less easy to escape from the rabid centaurs and giant spiders that frequent the forest.
~Dumbledore, issuing a start-of-term warning, Part 2~
Valerie: This is so cool! I have got to get one of these. What house isn't complete without a spiraling, golden griffin staircase, I've always said.
Niki: I want one too! Do you think they come in owl?
~Valerie and Niki obsess over Dumbledore's spiraling staircase, Part 2~
Vanessa: The bird . . . it just . . . caught fire. There was nothing I could do.
Dumbledore: Oh well, yes. It was about time. He'd been looking rather pathetic for weeks, and I told him to get on with it, but he just wouldn't die, and I've been starving him for over a month now.
~Vanessa is shocked when Fawkes the phoenix bursts into flame and dies, Part 2~
McGonagall: The evil you are up against is none other than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!
Mallory: What? You mean, Voldemort?
Dumbledore: Goodness, no! Voldemort is nothing more than a harmless little rabbit in comparison to You-Know-Who.
~Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore reveal the big bad the senshi must face, Part 2~
Julie: I wasn't harassed today because no one could find me. I was smart enough to use the secret passageway from the conservatory to the library in order to avoid people.
Eva: How did you know about the passageway? You didn't read any books about Hogwarts.
Julie: I didn't need to read anything. There's always a secret passageway from the conservatory to the library. Hello, Clue.
~Julie brags about escaping unwanted attention by other students, Part 3~
Bob: Just out of curiosity, were you guys planning on trying out for your house Quidditch teams?
Valerie: It was a consideration. As I've always said, if it means I get to wave a bat in the air and hit things at people I don't like, all for the sake of sportsmanship, give me a broom, and point me to the field!
Bob: Funny thing. As it happens, I was just named the oldest first year student to ever join a house Quidditch team - in a century.
Mallory: I can't believe she's on the Slytherin team!
Eva: Yeah, really. What did she have to do before they agreed to let her play? Buy the entire team brand new broomsticks?
Bob: Ha ha. By the way, Vanessa, I need to borrow three thousand Galleons.
~Bob brags about making it onto the Slytherin Quidditch team, Part 3~
Vanessa: It's not like Hufflepuff had a chance in hell of winning anyway.
Niki: Until now. Because now, I plan on joining the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. And by my sweatshirt, when the two of us are alone in the air over the field . . . I swear that I will make that evil blonde wish she had never been born.
~Niki vows vengeance against Bob on the Quidditch field, Part 3~
Professor Sprout: Alright class, this year, I decided to skip all the fru-fru, non-dangerous plant life we usually introduce at the beginning of the year. Today, we are just going to jump right on in with the ones that will kill you if you aren't careful.
~Professor Sprout on the first day of Herbology, Part 3~
Professor Sprout: You must be careful. The enemy has many spies in his service, many ways of hearing . . . birds . . . beasts . . . ears.
~Professor Sprout issues a warning to the senshi, Part 3~
Julie: I wrote everything down in here. I thought we could start off with a club name . . . something with a catchy acronym. Kind of like Mallory's house elf liberation: PUKE, only, you know, good. (reads black book) It's gone!
Krystina: What do you mean? Did you neglect to do the assignment I gave you?
Julie: No! I did it, I swear! The pages are blank! The little black book ate my homework!
Valerie: That's even lamer than my pathetic excuse about the flooded hallway ruining my French homework . . . of course, that was TRUE.
~Julie's notes disappear from her diary, but no one really believes her, Part 3~
Niki: Well, due to my unnaturally small size, the other Hufflepuffs wanted me to try out for seeker. But while I was looking for the snitch, someone hit a bludger in my direction and I used the tip of my broom to knock it out of my way. I hit it so hard that I knocked out another player and everyone agreed that I was better suited as a beater.
Krystina: Wasting time! Why can't you people just stay on topic for once in your pathetic lives?
Valerie: Because we have short attention . . . Wait, what was the question?
~Krystina gets annoyed with the senshi's off-topic ramblings, Part 3~
Vanessa: I didn't invite her! Niki threatened to beat me up.
Niki: Now that I am a beater, I can officially do that, you know.
~Vanessa denies inviting Bob to the senshi meeting, Part 3~
Vanessa: It appeared when Niki swore that she was up to no good. That must be the magical trigger. How anyone is actually supposed to figure that out is beyond me. Good thing for Niki and her freakishly convenient, accidental magic workings (ie: The secret brick-tapping entrance into Diagon Alley).
~Vanessa muses over Niki's accidental activation of the Marauder's Map, Part 3~
Mallory: The books I stole should be incredibly useful, especially since they appear to be from the restricted section of the library.
Valerie: The restricted section of the library?
Mallory: Yeah, you know, the part of the library which you have to be eighteen or older with a photo ID to access.
Valerie: Oh, you mean the place where they keep the porn.
~Mallory and Valerie discuss the restricted section of the library, Part 3~
Message on Wall: The Chamber of Secrets Has Been Opened Again (Again). Enemies of the Heir Beware (and This Time We Mean Business)!
~the message left on the wall after Mrs. Norris is petrified, Part 3~
Julie: Since you were the only one who heard the voice, then it must have been after you! Only whatever it was messed up. It saw the hideous catís blazing red eyes, and must have thought it was looking at you, so it attacked! Now itís run off, but I bet you know where it is! Donít you? DONíT YOU?!!
Bob: I donít know what youíre talking about! Honestly! I just heard the voice. It was strange . . . hissy, even. Like the frequency EQ was off. Too much treble.
Eva: She lost me at the ďfrequency EQĒ nonsense, but she sounds sincere.
Niki: Youíre right, she does. Guess weíre going to need to beat the truth out of her! Good thing I have my Quidditch bat handy.
Valerie: Or even better, we could poke it out of her! Go on then, give her a good poke!
~the senshi interrogate Bob after she hears a murderous voice in her head, Part 4~
McGonagall: Miss. Kwaites, I am appalled by this entire situation. I expected better from the lot of you. Fifty points from Gryffindor and 20 each from the other houses as well. The school corridors are no place for playing with large, pointy objects. We take that outside, missy.
~Professor McGonagall chides Julie for threatening Bob with Gryffindor's sword, Part 4~
McGonagall: It opened again fairly recently although the giant snake living in the chamber was destroyed. Or so we were told. He probably lied about it to make himself look more like a hero, nasty little attention-seeker.
Dumbledore: But he does have his motherís eyes.
McGonagall: Yes, he does. Unless youíre watching the movie, of course.
~McGonagall and Dumbledore discuss the last time the Chamber of Secrets opened, Part 4~
Valerie: If Julieís secretary, I want to be treasurer! Like Stacey McGill in the Baby-Sitterís Club! Not that Iíve ever read that series . . . Or watched the TV show . . . or the movie . . . or contemplated joining the fan club . . .
~Valerie denies having once been obsessed with The Baby-Sitter's Club, Part 4~
The Diary: If youíre looking for the Chamber of Secrets, I would try the prefectís bathroom on the fifth floor. But beware of ghosts that may try to sexually harass you while youíre taking a bath.
~Julie's diary gives the senshi a clue, Part 4~
Eva: So then the diary is possessed! Quick, letís burn it now to get the demon out!
Niki: Iíve got matches!
Mallory: I donít think itís possessed, but that doesnít mean we should trust it. As my dad always says, you should never trust something if you canít see where it keeps its brain.
Valerie: Yet another reason never to trust Bob.
~the senshi debate over whether or not Julie's diary is possessed, Part 4~
Vanessa: What are Death Eaters?
Mallory: You-Know-Whoís masked followers. They like to cause trouble in the wizarding world Ė you know, egging doors, TPing trees, letting the air out of tires. That sort of thing. Theyíre a nasty bunch.
Julie: If You-Know-Who is on the rise to power, do you think his followers are going to take a step up in their terrorizing of the community?
Valerie: You mean like sacrificing small children?
Julie: Actually, I was thinking bashing in mailboxes with Quidditch bats, but you never know. We need to defeat You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters, for the sake of small children and mailboxes everywhere!
Valerie: Please donít go off into one of your unnecessarily long speeches. Itís too early in the morning. And Iím far too near you.
~the senshi discuss the Death Eaters, Part 4~
Niki: Sheís been popping in and out all day. She scared me so much in Herbology when she poofed into the room that I dropped my mandrake and it tried to bite my knees! If we were still in America, I might have tried suing over that.
Vanessa: Yeah, when she popped into Care for Magical Creatures, Eva worked those thestrals into a frenzy! At least I think she did. Not that I could actually see them or anything.
~Niki and Vanessa discuss Eva's strange disappearances and reappearances, Part 4~
Valerie: Wow, cool! Can we go back in time and throw pebbles at Bobís head? Can we, please? We can hide behind a pumpkin patch and make wolf calls so that Bob thinks that a werewolf threw the rocks at her.
Niki: That would be completely pointless fun. My favorite kind.
Vanessa: Or we could go back in time and do something useful. Like kill John Watson when heís still in high school. Before he became a plague to the wizarding world.
Mallory: Yeah, back when he was just drinking the blood of virgins to gain immortality. Kiddie stuff.
~the senshi discuss how they should use Eva's Time Turner to travel back in time, Part 4~
Valerie: Iím not too worried about going hungry. I know how to get into the kitchen after hours.
Mallory: Really? Tell me! Iíd like to leave some hand-knitted hats and scarves for the house elves in the kitchen in order to set them free. Itís the first step in guaranteeing equal rights for all magical species, as promoted by P.U.K.E. Did I tell you guys that Iíve made badges? You should all buy some!
Valerie: Itís easy getting in there. You just tickle the pear in the bowl of fruit painting in the downstairs corridor that hides the entrance to the kitchens.
Eva: How did you find out? Do you tickle paintings often?
Valerie: Only if I think theyíll laugh!
~Valerie reveals how to sneak into the kitchen to get food after hours, Part 4~
Julie: Thatís ridiculous! Who would set a trap in a bathroom? What are they going to do, try to drown us all? The whole water-melting thing only works on b*tches like Bob.
Valerie: They could try to electrocute us with hairdryers. Itís happened in the past, and believe me, it wasnít a pretty picture.
~Julie and Valerie debate over whether or not a trap awaits them in the prefect's bathroom, Part 4~
Julie: Do you at least know what the three-headed dog is guarding in the forbidden corridor?
Moaning Myrtle: Honestly, donít you people read? Itís guarding the Philosopherís Stone.
Julie: The Philo-ti-what-ty?
Moaning Myrtle: You Americans are such morons! It guards the Sorcererís Stone, happy now? Bringer of eternal life, used in alchemy, yada yada yada. Pick up a book someday, why donít you?
~Moaning Myrtle insults the senshi and their lack of the British-versions of the Harry Potter novels, Part 4~