“What the bleedin’ ‘ell is the Chamber of Secrets, mates?” Niki cried in a poor attempt at sounding British (it was more of a strange mix between Australian and mid-west American).
Mallory clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. She couldn’t stop staring at the lifeless Mrs. Norris, and the cat’s unblinking, blood-red eyes stared right back at her. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
As Mallory turned away from the bloody message scrawled on the wall, Valerie took a step closer. She gazed at the letters for a long moment before reaching up and swiping a finger along the ending exclamation point. It was still wet. She brought her now-red finger to her nose and took a sniff. “Hm . . . rooster blood, I’m sure of it. How very peculiar.”
“That’s absolutely disgusting!” Vanessa said. Eva nodded in agreement.
“Yes, she is,” Valerie said, glaring at Bob while wiping her finger clean on the sleeve of her robe.
“And she’s also our number one suspect!” Julie cried, turning on Bob and advancing, backing the blonde into a corner near the lifeless cat. “You said you heard a voice through the walls, threatening to kill someone!”
“Well, yes, I did, but –”
“Since you were the only one who heard the voice, then it must have been after you!” Julie continued, cutting Bob off short. She was really getting into the interrogation thing. It was kind of like bullying worthless freshmen. Only more fun. “Only whatever it was messed up. It saw the hideous cat’s blazing red eyes, and must have thought it was looking at you, so it attacked! Now it’s run off, but I bet you know where it is! Don’t you? DON’T YOU?!!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Bob yelled. “Honestly! I just heard the voice. It was strange . . . hissy, even. Like the frequency EQ was off. Too much treble.”
“She lost me at the “frequency EQ” nonsense, but she sounds sincere,” Eva said, coming to the blonde’s defense.
“You’re right, she does,” Niki said. “Guess we’re going to need to beat the truth out of her! Good thing I have my Quidditch bat handy.”
“Or even better, we could poke it out of her!” Valerie said, drawing Gryffindor’s sword out of her belt loop and handing it to Julie. “Go on then, give her a good poke!”
Unfortunately, before any poking fun could be had, a shrill voice rang out down the hall. “ENOUGH!” McGonagall cried, running to the scene of the crime, followed by half a dozen other professors and twice as many students. “What on earth is going on here? Miss. Kwaites? Miss. . . Bob?”
Guiltily, Julie tried to hide the sword behind her back, but it crashed loudly to the ground. “Er, nothing. We were just . . . admiring the scenery?”
“She was tr- trying to kill me!” Bob stuttered, her eyes wild. She pointed an accusatory finger at the other senshi, all standing in a huddle, trying to look nonchalant. “And they were in on it!” Niki took this as her cue to duck under the invisibility cloak and out of sight.
“Miss. Kwaites, I am appalled by this entire situation,” McGonagall said, leaning down to pick up the sword. “I expected better from the lot of you. Fifty points from Gryffindor and 20 each from the other houses as well. The school corridors are no place for playing with large, pointy objects. We take that outside, missy.”
The senshi hung their heads in pseudo-shame; they didn’t want any of the professors to do a strip search (or any kind of search) and find even more stolen items to confiscate. Bob just looked smug. She seemed to have forgotten about the threatening voice heard through the walls.
There was a rustle in the crowd watching McGonagall scold the first-year senshi. The students and other professors parted as Dumbledore walked through, his gaze focused intently on the bloody letters on the wall.
“Minerva, did you happen to notice the message scrawled on the wall just behind you?” the headmaster asked. Everyone in the corridor turned their attention to the message and collectively gasped in horror.
“Oh my, Albus,” McGonagall said. “It’s happening again, isn’t it?”
“What’s happening again?” Mallory said. Although she was still disturbed by the whole affair, she couldn’t help being curious. Of course, it was curiosity that killed the cat, but as the cat was already dead, there was really nothing to worry about.
“It’s none of your business!” McGonagall snapped, turning towards the headmaster. By now, the hall was abuzz with anxious whispers. Despite the threat of the mysterious chamber, none of the students in the hall were eager to leave. They were all hoping to see how the caretaker would react to seeing his cat pinned to the wall. They were hoping he would cry.
“Severus, can you please escort the students back to their dormitories?” Dumbledore said. “Except for those of you who first discovered poor Mrs. Norris.” The headmaster gently removed the cat’s still body from the wall. “She’s not dead, Minerva, simply petrified. Just like last time. And the time before that.”
“Heaven help us,” McGonagall sighed, burying her head in her hands.
Dumbledore handed the cat to Madame Pomfry who followed Professor Snape and the other students as they filed out of the corridor, muttering under their breaths about the chamber and making bets as to who would be the first to die. Soon the headmaster, McGonagall, and the senshi were the only ones left in the room.
“As your would-be champions of justice, we insist that you tell us what’s going on,” Julie said to Dumbledore. The headmaster and the head of Gryffindor exchanged a severe look.
“Fifty years ago, a mysterious chamber in the school opened and a girl died,” Dumbledore finally confessed to the senshi who collectively drew in their breaths in shock.
“It opened again fairly recently although the giant snake living in the chamber was destroyed. Or so we were told,” McGonagall sniffed. “He probably lied about it to make himself look more like a hero, nasty little attention-seeker.”
“But he does have his mother’s eyes,” Dumbledore reminded her.
“Yes, he does. Unless you’re watching the movie, of course.”
“Of course.”
The senshi were having a hard time following the conversation between the professors. Not a one of them had taken their ADD medicine that morning.
“What do you think we should do about the Chamber of Secrets?” Julie said. “Well there isn’t much you can do,” McGonagall sighed again. “Enemies of the Heir include all muggle-born witches and wizards. You’re just as much in danger as everyone else.”
“Well, if that’s the case, can I have my sword back?” Valerie asked. “For protection, of course.”
Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. “Your sword?”
Valerie’s eyes widened innocently. “I promise I won’t poke anyone with it!” She added under her breath, “much”.
Later that night, after everyone else had departed for sleep, the senshi (sans Bob) were once again gathered in the Room of Requirement. Unfortunately, this time the room had refused to transform into Mallory’s living room and instead remained a too-small broom closet. Little did the senshi realize that it actually was a broom closet. The Room of Requirement was three doors down the corridor and to the left.
“I call this Sailor Team meeting to order!” Krystina the cat said loudly, trying to get the attention of the senshi who were busy pushing and shoving each other, trying to find the most comfortable mop bucket to sit on. “I really wish you worthless brats would listen to me! This is important!”
“Why couldn’t the Chamber of Secrets have killed her instead? She’s a cat.” Niki muttered to Vanessa.
Vanessa look scandalized. “Don’t joke about something like that! What if it had been my poor Malcomy-walcomy? I would have been devastated!”
“We wouldn’t have,” Niki said under her breath.
“Order, order, order!” Krystina meowed in frustration. When no one listened, she jumped down from her perch on the rusty sink. “Screw this. You can deal with the Big Bad at Hogwarts all by your idiotic little selves. I’m sick of wasting my time.” With a dismissive flick of her tail, Krystina slipped out the closet through a cat door that magically appeared, and then she was gone.
Julie sighed. “I’m really not in the mood for this right now. I’m far too lazy.” She turned to Mallory. “Fancy taking over as temporary leader?”
“Absolutely!” Mallory beamed.
Julie whipped out her little black book. “I’ll be your secretary. I knew this thing would come in handy eventually.”
“If Julie’s secretary, I want to be treasurer!” Valerie said. “Like Stacey McGill in the Baby-Sitter’s Club!” The other senshi eyed her strangely and Valerie blushed. “Not that I’ve ever read that series . . . Or watched the TV show . . . or the movie . . . or contemplated joining the fan club . . .”
“I only ever read the Little Sister’s series.” Mallory jumped up from her mop bucket and (stepping carefully over and around the other members) managed to make it to the sink where Krystina had been sitting. She sat down. “Ow, this is most uncomfortable. But that doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is that we’re in big trouble. You-Know-Who seems to be throwing everything he’s got at us. Simultaneously.”
“It’s not very considerate of him,” Eva said. “What a meanie.”
“Yeah, he could have at least given us several books . . . or, you know, episodes, in which to encounter and fight You-Know-Who’s forces of darkness,” Valerie said. “Instead, we have to deal with this Chamber of Secrets, three-headed dogs, and giant spiders all at once.”
Niki’s eyes widened in horror. “Giant spiders? What? Where? Says who?!!” She leaped up, pulled out her invisible cloak and threw it around her shoulders, disappearing from sight once again. “I’m not coming out again until the spiders are gone!” invisible Niki whimpered.
Mallory sighed. “Why is it that we can never stay on topic? Our priority concern is the Chamber of Secrets! We don’t know what’s in it or where it is. Once we find it, we can close it again, or battle over-sized reptiles, or whatever. Any ideas where we should look?”
“We could divide into teams of two and –”
“I have a better idea,” Julie whispered fearfully, interrupting Vanessa without even looking up from the diary where she was taking secretarial notes (even though everything she wrote inevitably faded away). “Or rather, the little black book seems to have a better idea.”
“What?” Mallory said, peering over Julie’s shoulder, trying to see the diary. “Is something wrong?”
“Something weird is going on,” Julie whispered again, obviously too frightened to speak any louder. “I wrote in the little black book that our first objective was to find the location of the Chamber of Secrets, and my writing disappeared, as usual. But then this appeared.”
Julie shoved the diary into Mallory’s hands. The temporary leader picked it up and eyed the fancy writing that was now scrawled across the diary’s page. She read aloud, “If you’re looking for the Chamber of Secrets, I would try the prefect’s bathroom on the fifth floor. But beware of ghosts that may try to sexually harass you while you’re taking a bath.”
“What the hell does that mean?” invisible Niki said.
“You didn’t write that?” Vanessa asked Julie.
“Heck no. I haven’t written in cursive since they made me learn how in third grade. It just appeared in the diary-book-thing, all on its own.”
“So then the diary is possessed!” Eva cried. “Quick, let’s burn it now to get the demon out!”
“I’ve got matches!” pyromaniac invisible Niki said gleefully.
“I don’t think it’s possessed,” Mallory said, “but that doesn’t mean we should trust it. As my dad always says, you should never trust something if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.”
“Yet another reason never to trust Bob,” Valerie quipped.
“I’m not sure it would be a good idea to completely disregard the advice either,” Mallory said. “Maybe we should give it a night, see what happens tomorrow. We could always visit the bathroom together after class.”
The other senshi agreed that this was the best plan, so long as nothing happened to them while they were sleeping that night.
Fortunately for the senshi, nothing did happen while they were sleeping. While everyone but Niki was sleeping. Niki insisted on staying up all night on the lookout for giant spiders. None came, of course, and she was very tired when the senshi met in the Great Hall for breakfast the next morning.
It was strange for students from different houses to be congregating over breakfast, but as the senshi themselves were strange, nobody really thought much of their regular morning meetings. Bob hadn’t joined them, of course. She needed to keep up appearances by hanging out with the Slytherin crowd, shooting nasty looks at the senshi from a distance. Which was perfectly fine with them.
“Do you think the toast is comfortable?” Niki mumbled, her head drooping closer to the tabletop in front of her.
“Maybe not the toast, but the cream cheese looks soft,” Valerie yawned as she buttered her own scone. “I’m really not a morning person.”
“Morning!” Mallory called cheerfully as she skipped up to the table, a copy of the Daily Prophet newspaper rolled up in her hands.
“You’re awfully bright and chipper this morning,” Valerie said blearily. “It makes me sick.”
Mallory laughed. “I got up hours ago, silly! After my morning routine, I took a stroll around the Lake, sent a letter to my mum through Theta at the Owlery, and then uploaded copies of my syllabi for each class. It looks like there are still a couple of books I need to check out from the library when it opens.”
“You disgust me,” Valerie grunted in reply.
“Did Eva accompany you on your early morning adventures?” Vanessa asked Mallory.
Mallory looked puzzled. “No, actually. In fact, I haven’t seen her at all since our meeting last night. She left a note by my bed before I woke up, saying that McGonagall had called her in for a meeting before class. But she should be back by now.”
“Maybe the giant squid in the lake got her when she was coming to meet us for breakfast,” Niki mumbled from her resting place on top of a waffle. A moment later, she was snoring peacefully.
“Hm, this is interesting,” Julie muttered from behind her own copy of the Daily Prophet which she was reading upside down. Not because she was a weirdo but because there had been a printing error. Or so she claimed.
“What is it?” Mallory asked as she sat down, pushing the unconscious Niki to the side, and as a result, off the table.
“I was reading an article by ‘renowned journalist’ Rita Skeeter, and she mentioned me.”
“Did she?”
It says that Hogwarts has chosen a new champion to compete in the Anglo-American Triwizard Tournament against American schools Notre Dissendium and Sinistra Lawrence. It’s a less-impressive version of the actual Triwizard Tournament. Anyway, Skeeter wrote that the Hogwarts champion is an unusually short but terribly powerful first year student.” Julie beamed.
“What makes you think she’s talking about you?” Valerie said.
Julie rolled her eyes. “Come on, who else could it be?”
“It could be Niki,” Valerie pointed out. The senshi looked down at the unusually short and once-terribly powerful, unconscious girl drooling on the floor by the table. “Or not.”
“Anyway, did you read about the Death Eaters attacks on page seven?” Mallory said, opening her newspaper to the right page. “Sounds like things have been heating up a bit in the last couple of weeks.”
“What are Death Eaters?” Vanessa asked as she ripped up chunks of the breakfast sausage to bring back to Malcomy-walcomy in the room.
“You-Know-Who’s masked followers,” Mallory explained. “They like to cause trouble in the wizarding world – you know, egging doors, TPing trees, letting the air out of tires. That sort of thing. They’re a nasty bunch.”
“If You-Know-Who is on the rise to power, do you think his followers are going to take a step up in their terrorizing of the community?” Julie said.
“You mean like sacrificing small children?” Valerie said.
“Actually, I was thinking bashing in mailboxes with Quidditch bats, but you never know. We need to defeat You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters, for the sake of small children and mailboxes everywhere!” Julie exclaimed.
“Please don’t go off into one of your unnecessarily long speeches,” Valerie said as she took a sip of tea and grimaced at the ickiness of it. “It’s too early in the morning. And I’m far too near you.”
“Why do you always have to ruin my fun?” Julie glared. “In order to stay one step ahead, we should plan on investigating the prefect’s bathroom as soon as we find Eva. Assuming she isn’t already swimming with the fishes, in a matter of speaking.”
Later that day in Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor Nowho was once again wearing his (?) long, dark cloak that made his/her features indistinguishable. Today’s curriculum involved studying the infamous Unforgivable Curses (whatever they were). Valerie just hoped that whatever they learned, she could use it on Bob.
“Now, according to the Ministry of Magic, I’m not supposed to show you what illegal Dark curses look like until you’re in the sixth year. You’re not supposed to be old enough to deal with it till then.” The cloaked professor turned towards the senshi who were sitting in a group at the back of the classroom. One of his eyes seemed to be glowing electric blue under the hood. “But the Minister, much like the president, is a moron and most of you seem to be old enough anyway.”
Mallory sat up a little straighter and pressed her quill against the parchment on her desk, ever vigilant. This was what she had been waiting for. Serious magic, useful for kicking major bad guy–
“Did I miss anything?” Eva whispered in Mallory’s ear, startling her.
“Where did you come from?” Mallory whispered back. She could have sworn that a minute ago, the desk to her left had been empty. Now the desk was occupied by a frazzled, exhausted Eva who had dark circles under her eyes and an old piece of parchment clutched in her hands. Mallory could see a glimmer of silver around Eva’s neck, partially obscured by her robes. It was the hourglass necklace, stolen from Dumbledore’s office.
“I’ll explain after class,” Eva promised.
“Who can give me the name of one of the Unforgivable Curses?” Professor Nowho said from the front of the classroom, silencing all student chatter. Mallory’s hand shot up in the air. “Yes, Miss. Leigh?”
“I did the reading before class.” Mal-chan, the over-achiever announced. The other senshi rolled their eyes. “I think one of the curses is similar to the famous magical word muggle magicians use, abracadabra.” Mallory paused before she glanced around anxiously and lowered her voice. “It’s . . . Avada Kedavra.”
“Ah yes, the Killing Curse,” Nowho said gruffly. “Not nice. Not pleasant. And there’s no countercurse. There’s no blocking it.” The professor took a menacing step closer to the student desks, his (?) cloak billowing out behind him (?). The students all exchanged nervous looks. What a wacko. “Now, if there’s no countercurse, why do I bother telling you? Because you’ve got to appreciate what the worst is. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you’re facing it.”
The professor paused long enough to let the foreboding words sink in. He (?) turned his (?) cloaked head so that he (?) seemed to be staring straight at Julie across the room. She gave an involuntary shudder. “CONSTANT VIGILANCE!” Nowho roared, and the first years all jumped in their seats. Bob actually fell completely out of hers, but that was because Valerie managed to pull the chair out from under her when she wasn’t looking.
As Bob picked herself off the ground, attempting to regain what shred of dignity she still had, Julie kept her attention focused on the professor. If only she could see what was under that hood! There was something very unsettling about this Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and it wasn’t just his ambiguous sexuality. Was that a bizarre and unnecessary tongue flick she thought she saw? Creepy.
Very creepy.
As dinner was being served in the Great Hall, the sun was setting over the empty Quidditch field where a group of first-years were huddled. Julie’s stomach growled hungrily and she sincerely regretted the decision that had led the senshi to their meeting place on the silent and darkening pitch. Of course, sacrifices had to be made and important Sailor Senshi Team Meetings really shouldn’t be held in the presence of civilians.
Or food. Some of the senshi were dangerous around food. Downright ravenous. Especially Bob which is why she had been left behind yet again.
“Are you ready to tell us exactly what you’ve been up to all day?” Julie said to Eva, her arms crossed over her torso in what some might mistake for a menacing position. In reality, she was just trying to keep her stomach from revolting in protest.
Eva kicked at some dirt on the ground. “What do you mean?” she asked innocently.
“Don’t play dumb, we know you’ve been up to something!” Valerie said.
“You said you’d tell me what was going on in Defense Against the Dark Arts when you appeared suddenly, as if by magic,” Mallory reminded her.
“She’s been popping in and out all day,” Niki said. “She scared me so much in Herbology when she poofed into the room that I dropped my mandrake and it tried to bite my knees! If we were still in America, I might have tried suing over that.”
“Yeah, when she popped into Care for Magical Creatures, Eva worked those thestrals into a frenzy!” Vanessa added. “At least I think she did. Not that I could actually see them or anything.”
Eva gave a sigh of defeat. “Apparently I wasn’t as stealthy as I thought I had been.”
Julie raised an eyebrow. “Hardly”.
“I was hoping that you guys wouldn’t notice that anything was out of the ordinary.” When McGonagall met with me this morning, she told me that I was strictly forbidden to tell anyone about the Time Turner.”
“She’s in on it too?” Valerie said, appalled. “What a witch! As a Gryffindor, I feel so betrayed.”
“Wait, I’m confused,” said (yep, you guessed it) Mallory. “Start from the beginning, would you? What’s a Time Turner?”
“It’s the necklace that I . . . borrowed from Dumbledore’s office,” Eva said, looking only moderately guilty. “McGonagall saw me wearing it the other day, but rather than confiscating it from me, she taught me how to use it. It’s quite fascinating really. The Web of Time seems to be so thickly entangled around the core of the hourglass in such a way that –”
“Bored now,” Julie sniffed. “Let’s skip all the technical Web of blah blah blah talk and get right to you bragging about how much cooler your necklace is than my worthless, possessed diary.”
“It is pretty awesome,” Eva agreed. “Because, believe it or not, whoever’s wearing it can actually go back in time!”
“Wow, cool!” Valerie exclaimed. “Can we go back in time and throw pebbles at Bob’s head? Can we, please? We can hide behind a pumpkin patch and make wolf calls so that Bob thinks that a werewolf threw the rocks at her.”
“That would be completely pointless fun,” Niki nodded. “My favorite kind.”
“Or we could go back in time and do something useful. Like kill John Watson when he’s still in high school,” Vanessa suggested. “Before he became a plague to the wizarding world.”
“Yeah, back when he was just drinking the blood of virgins to gain immortality,” Mallory said. “Kiddie stuff.”
“I’m not sure exactly how far back in time the necklace can take you,” Eva said. “Today I was just trying it out by sleeping in late and then turning back the time so that I could still make it to my classes.”
“Man, I have got to get me one of those!” Niki exclaimed. “Imagine all of the extra hours in dreamland with my beloved Mr. Walrus. How I’ve missed him so . . .”
“What were you doing with the parchment I saw in your hands during Defense Against the Dark Arts?” Mallory said to Eva.
“Oh that?” Eva blushed. “It’s the map of the school I kind of borrowed from Vanessa without asking. Going back in time requires more effort than you would think. I spent a lot of time running around the school, trying to avoid my past-future self and all of you guys. I didn’t want anyone to discover what I was doing.”
“You’re becoming a regular little juvenile delinquent, Eva. I think if the map actually belonged to me in the first place, I might have been a little insulted by your thievery.”
“Do you still have the map with you?” Julie asked. “We should probably take a look at it before we go to the prefect’s bathroom. We don’t need any professors accidentally discovering what we’re up to.” Especially not the creepy ones who wear dark cloaks and who might have frightening electric blue eyeballs. Or French mustaches.
“Are we going there now?” Mallory asked, surprised. “What about dinner?”
Julie’s stomach gave a loud, angry growl. “Unfortunately for my innards, my intuition tells me that dinner is the perfect time for a covert mission to the prefect’s bathroom since most everyone will be gathered in the Great Hall.”
“Damn Krystina,” Niki hissed. “All of those years of her b*tching meows actually seem to have developed Julie’s ability to strategize. If only the Chamber had gotten her . . .” Vanessa smacked Niki on the arm and glared at her.
“I’m not too worried about going hungry,” Valerie said. “I know how to get into the kitchen after hours.”
“Really?” Mallory said excitedly. “Tell me! I’d like to leave some hand-knitted hats and scarves for the house elves in the kitchen in order to set them free. It’s the first step in guaranteeing equal rights for all magical species, as promoted by P.U.K.E.” She beamed at the others. “Did I tell you guys that I’ve made badges? You should all buy some!”
“It’s easy getting in there,” Valerie said, ignoring Mallory’s psychotic house elf spiel. “You just tickle the pear in the bowl of fruit painting in the downstairs corridor that hides the entrance to the kitchens.”
“How did you find out?” Eva asked. “Do you tickle paintings often?”
“Only if I think they’ll laugh!”
As the other senshi broke into a fit of irrepressible giggles, Julie rolled her eyes.First-years. She held up the parchment that Eva had handed her and fully expanded the Marauder’s Map to show the entire Hogwarts castle and grounds. It looked like the coast was clear.
By the time the senshi tip-toed around the corner of the fifth floor corridor, coming to a stop outside the entrance to the prefect’s bathroom, dinner in the Great Hall was just ending. As students began the long walks back to their dormitories up the dozens of staircases, Julie whispered the password that appeared in the possessed diary and one by one, the senshi slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them.
“Wow,” Vanessa breathed in awe as she took in her lavish surroundings in the steam-filled bathroom. “The bath alone is bigger than Hufflepuff’s whole common room! Look, there’s even a hot tub!”
Mallory took a few steps away from the door and peered down into the colorful soapy water that was already filled to the brim of the bath. “Careful!” Niki warned her. “It could be a trap.”
Julie rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous! Who would set a trap in a bathroom? What are they going to do, try to drown us all? The whole water-melting thing only works on b*tches like Bob.”
“They could try to electrocute us with hairdryers,” Valerie pointed out. “It’s happened in the past, and believe me, it wasn’t a pretty picture.”
“Neither scenario is very likely,” Mallory said practically, “especially since we seem to be entirely alone.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure . . .” Eva gestured to a figure sitting at the edge of the bath, surrounded by steam and bubbles. As the steam lifted, the senshi could see that the figure was a semi-transparent girl with large rimmed glasses and a “come-hither” look. She was staring straight at them, waiting in silence.
“I think this is the sexual harassing ghost we were warned against,” Julie deduced. “Let me do the talking.” Nodding silently, the other senshi followed Julie to the other side of the bathroom, but they stopped several feet behind their brave leader. They were worried about what might happen if they got too close.
“Hello, then,” the ghost greeted the senshi in a whiney, high pitched voice. “I expected you’d come sooner. I’ve been waiting for so long; I’m almost out of bubbles.” She laughed hysterically. It was scary.
Julie curled her lip in disgust. “Who are you, and how did you know we were coming?”
“I’m called Moaning Myrtle. Ever since I died when the Chamber of Secrets was opened the first time, I’ve been frequenting the bathrooms. Especially the boys’ bathrooms. You’d be amazed at how much gossip you overhear while peeking over the top of stalls. I know you came to Hogwarts to battle He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.” She smiled slyly, baring her gleaming, crooked, semi-transparent teeth. It was scary.
“You know where the Chamber of Secrets is?”
“Oh, that’s old news!” Myrtle giggled. “Just take a look in the flooded girl’s bathroom on the second floor. It’s so obvious, what with the serpanty faucets and everything.”
“But the diary told us to come here . . .”
“Oooh, a diary, eh? How perfectly scandalous! The diary didn’t happen to mention me, did it?” Myrtle giggled again, raising an eyebrow suggestively. It was really scary.
“Actually, it did.” Julie backed away from Myrtle until she was standing with the other senshi. This was just too messed up. She raised the diary defensively. If Myrtle came any closer, maybe she could throw it through her. “Do you at least know what the three-headed dog is guarding in the forbidden corridor?”
Myrtle sighed. “Honestly, don’t you people read? It’s guarding the Philosopher’s Stone.”
“The Philo-ti-what-ty?”
“You Americans are such morons! It guards the Sorcerer’s Stone, happy now? Bringer of eternal life, used in alchemy, yada yada yada. Pick up a book someday, why don’t you?”
Julie exchanged a look with the other senshi. It was just as they had suspected. She turned back to the sexual harassing ghost who floated a little closer, licking her lips and batting her eyelashes. The senshi took this as their cue to exit. Fast. They began backing towards the bathroom door, ready to make a run for it. “Okay, well, thanks, if that’s all you know –”
“Wait, what about the Heir of Slytherin!” Myrtle cried out desperately. “I know who it is, and I’ll tell you who it is if you stay and play for a while!”
“Is the Heir of Slytherin someone we should worry about?” Julie said.
Myrtle smiled, once again baring those scary, crooked teeth. “Oh yes, you should worry. As for whom the Heir is? It’s someone you know very, very well.”
“It’s Bob, it HAS to be Bob!” Valerie whispered as she, Julie, Mallory, and Eva hurried through the dark corridors on their way back from the prefect’s bathroom. Niki and Vanessa had left the group a moment before, ducking under the invisibility cloak as they hurried back to the Hufflepuff dormitory. It was already after lights out, and none of the senshi wanted to deal with the wrath of Filch if they were discovered out of bed without permission.
“I thought we already verified that Bob is one of the good guys,” Eva whispered back. “She’s in Slytherin only as a spy.”
Valerie narrowed her eyes. “And you honestly believed her? Lord, what fools these mortals be!”
“I don’t think it’s Bob either,” Mallory said. “There was something about the way that creepy ghost said “someone you know very, very well” that implied that the Heir is someone that one of us has been . . .” Mallory blushed. “Er, intimate with, you know?”
Eva snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it! It’s the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts! Tuxedo Dego is the Heir of Slytherin!” Dum dum dum.
Julie shook her head in exasperation. “That is quite possibly the most idiotic thing I have heard all week, and living with Valerie, I’ve heard a lot of idiotic things. I expected something like that from Niki, maybe even Mallory, but I thought better of you, Eva. How disappointed I am now.”
Eva hung her head in shame. “I guess you’re right . . . It doesn’t make any sense since he hasn’t even been to Hogwarts before. But then who could it be?”
“Maybe it’s John Watson,” Mallory suggested. “He is the obvious choice since he’s the big bad and all. But then the intimate thing doesn’t make any sense because none of us have ever . . .” Mallory’s eyes went wide and she stopped suddenly. She turned and stared at Valerie who had slowed her pace down to a crawl, intently studying the woodworking on the door at the opposite end of the corridor and avoiding all eye contact. “Oh. My. God.”
“What is it?” Julie hissed in annoyance. “Why are you two suddenly acting all . . . ?”
“Oh my God!” Julie and Eva cried in unison, staring at Valerie in horror.
“You didn’t! You couldn’t have!” Eva whimpered.
“It’s so wrong! When? And how? And . . . Ewwww!” Julie gagged.
“It’s not what you think!” Valerie protested. “It was a long time ago and there really wasn’t much intimacy involved, I swear!”
“I’m going to have nightmares tonight,” Eva whimpered some more.
“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Mallory said half-heartedly although her pale face, drained of all blood, betrayed her true feelings. “This was before You-Know-Who did any of those things that made him so infamous. In fact, I had completely forgotten until a moment ago.”
“Blocked it from your memory is more like,” Valerie said, hugging herself. “I did the same thing. It was a week in my life I’ve tried very hard to forget. Spent years in therapy. Even more than I would have otherwise spent.”
“If only we could all forget,” Julie whispered darkly. “If only we could all forget.”
The next couple of weeks passed by in a blur. As first years with an incompetency level to rival any squib, the senshi had more than enough work to do in their classes. The work piled up all through the fall and into the rainy, cold winter. Although everyone at Hogwarts was worried about an appearance by the Heir of Slytherin or a giant snake, absolutely nothing out of the ordinary happened.
After the night in the prefect’s bathroom, Julie had divided tasks among all of the senshi so that they would be prepared when it was time to face You-Know-Who. At their Sailor Team meeting that week, Julie had informed Niki, Vanessa, and Bob of their suspicions that the Heir of Slytherin was John Watson, but never once did she mention the discovery of Valerie’s past relationship with the evil villain. It was just too creepy.
When not attempting to knit scarves for the house elves, Mallory spent several hours every day in the library, researching everything she could find out about Death Eaters, the Philosopher’s Stone, and the Chamber of Secrets. Meanwhile, Vanessa and Eva attempted to recruit other students for secret Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons that Julie wanted to start holding after Christmas in the Room of Requirement.
Valerie spent most of her time spying on Bob (no one quite trusted the evil blonde) and collecting bits of hair and fingernails to use in various potions that she was attempting to brew, including polyjuice potion. Bob reported regularly back to Julie regarding the rather dull things happening in Slytherin by means of the enchanted coins, except this time the coins had a more sophisticated encoding. Now the messages didn’t make sense unless they were read backwards and upside down.
Niki focused almost all of her energies on Quidditch training which all the senshi decided was worth the effort when Hufflepuff destroyed Slytherin in the first match of the year, thanks to Niki’s uncanny ability to knock members of the other team unconscious with perfectly aimed bludgers to the head. When not training, Niki assisted Mallory in the library by putting the books away after Mallory was done reading them.
No one was quite sure what Julie was up to although she swore that she was practicing in secret, building up her magical strength by attempting to master spell after spell. Keyword: attempting. In the end, she decided it would require much less effort to just stock up on lots and lots of diet, caffeinated sodas.
The senshi had all fallen into fairly comfortable routines. Little did they realize that the first week in December, all of that was about to change. The Anglo-American Triwizard Tournament was coming. And Hogwarts was about to announce its champion.