It was night, and the air was as thick and humid as always. For most of the residents of the tiny Louserville town, everything was just as it should be. Summer vacation was coming to an end and nothing strange or out of the ordinary had happened all summer long.
Or so they thought.
Times were changing, and some of the residents of the once completely normal town could no longer be considered quite normal. More than two years before, a great evil had risen up not far from the town, and a group of teenage girls discovered that they were the reincarnations of a princess and her guardians. They were called the Sailor Senshi.
Disguised as normal teenagers with the town as their home, the Sailor Senshi protected the innocent and fought evil wherever it happened to show up. However, after two years, a growing lack in the evil department had finally led to there being no evil at all. Without dark forces to battle, the girls once again began their attempts at leading everyday lives.
But all that was about to change. For on that humid summer night, a lone creature seemed to have taken up residence on the street outside the very house where the Sailor Senshi gathered. All throughout the day, the tabby sat motionless, watching the house with an intense, piercing gaze. The night came, and darkness spread down the quiet street, and still the cat didn't stir.
A few of the girls had noticed the cat during the day, but having two less than normal cats of their own, they were used to strange felines and didn't find the tabby's watchful behavior at all unusual. If any one of them suspected that the cat was perhaps not a true cat at all, they would have been correct. But since no concerns were vocalized, the girls didn't bother chasing the cat away, and it had remained, unchallenged, watching them go about their business all day long.
But now the cat was no longer the only one on the deserted street. As if out of nowhere, several yards away, another figure appeared from the shadows. The figure raised what look like a silver lighter up, and one by one, the streetlights behind the cat went out, casting the street into total darkness.
The glowing eyes of the cat watched, as the old man, clothed in a long purple wizard's robe complete with a pointed hat, slipped the lighter back into his pocket. The cat recognized him as Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. And he recognized her.
"Good evening, Professor McGonagall," Dumbledore said, addressing the cat. "Fancy seeing you here."
Hissing softly, the cat transformed back into its true form, a severe looking woman dressed in emerald robes similar to the headmaster's. "How did you know it was me?"
"My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."
Ignoring his comment, McGonagall looked again to the house where the senshi now lay sleeping. "If you're here, then the rumors are true?" A worried look crossed her face. "And You-Know-Who is . . ."
Dumbledore shrugged. "He may be gone for good this time. We won't know for sure until he strikes again. But we can't keep waiting for him. The time to act is now. It is time we enlisted their help."
Horrified, McGonagall gestured to the dark house. "You can't mean the people who live here?" she cried. "I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find seven people who are less like us! They're the worst sort of--"
"They are our only hope, Professor," Dumbledore said, cutting her off.
"You think it -- wise -- to trust them with something as important as this?"
"Well, I wouldn't trust them with my life . . . but, yes, I suppose I do." Dumbledore held up a thick envelope with an address written in green calligraphy on the front and the Hogwarts official seal on the back. "I've written them a letter."
"A letter?" repeated McGonagall faintly. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? They couldn't possibly understand." She frowned. "They won't help us! I know it."
"They will, Professor." Dumbledore sighed, lowering his head. "And if they don't, Hogwarts, as well as the rest of the wizard world, is doomed."
The next day dawned, clear and bright, promising a beautiful, but still really humid, day. Julie Kwaites sighed happily as she stared out the window to the sunny world beyond. The weather, being as unusually nice as it was, had put her in a great mood. Nothing was going to ruin her day.
"HEY YOU GUYS!" an obnoxiously screechy voice screamed obnoxiously loud, disturbing Julie's peaceful moment of Zen.
Except her. She always managed to ruin Julie's day some way, some how.
"Hey, Bob, shut your face!" Julie could hear Mallory's muffled shout from the other side of the house.
"Yeah, really," Niki added. She was upstairs, attempting to sleep but finding it difficult, what with the damn blonde running around screaming at the top of her bloody lungs. "Some people are trying to sleep! I mean, by God, it's not even noon yet!"
Valerie stormed into the living room where Julie had run to hide, a furious look on her face. "Well?" she said finally.
"Well, what?" Julie echoed.
"Well, are you going to do something about her, or not? You are, after all, our leader and upperclassman. It's your job to deal with her."
"What if I'd rather not?"
"You don't have a choice!" Valerie said hotly. "If you aren't willing to take a stand and defend us, then I'll have to do it for you by knocking some sense into that sadistic, Satan worshiping whore!"
Julie rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay, I'll deal with it. Just give me a moment to enjoy a Bob-less free five minutes." Unfortunately for Julie, those five minutes would never come. For at that moment--
"HEY YOU GUYS!" Bob yelled, leaping into the room, a mad grin on her red face, looking as though she was about to burst. "GUESS WHAT?!"
"You're Satan?" Valerie asked.
"No, silly!" Bob chuckled gaily, too excited to be offended. "Today is my birthday! And you know what that means?"
"That you've lived one year too long?"
"No!" Bob's eyes gleamed. "Presents!"
Julie nodded in agreement. "Yeah, no presents. That sounds about right."
"What do you mean?" A bewildered expression crossed Bob's face. "You did buy me presents, didn't you? I mean, for the last three months I've reminded you daily of when my birthday is. You've had plenty of time."
Valerie shrugged. "Guess it slipped our minds. Either that or we thought about it, then, remembering how much we don't like you, decided not to get you anything." She smiled brightly. "Oh! I know! Julie, we should do like a Secret Santa thing and buy lots of presents and exchange them, and then not give Bob anything. What fun!"
Bob glared. "Well, fine then! Just remember, all of you!" she yelled, loud enough for those, who had thus managed to avoid having to listen to her, to hear. "I'll get back at you, ALL of you! You'll regret everything you've ever done to me! I WILL BE AVENGED!"
After Bob had stormed out of the room, Julie shot a look at Valerie. "You don't think she's serious, do you?"
Valerie rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. I mean, she's blonde. What harm could she possibly do?"
Later that day, the senshi, minus Bob, who was still sulking in the bathroom, were gathered in Valerie's office. Krystina, the cat, was busy attempting to conduct a meeting, but with little success because she was being ignored by every single one of them.
Unofficially, the Sailor Senshi had previously disbanded due to lack of evil things they could attempt to kill (keyword: attempt). The only reason they still hung out together was because no one else liked them.
At the computer, Valerie and Eva were playing Neopets, and Julie was watching them, amazed at how their insignificant minds could be so easily amused. Mallory, the useful one, had run to get the mail, and Vanessa was pouring a bowl of food for Malcolm. As for Niki . . .
"Valerie! Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Niki said loudly over the drone of the paper shredder. Grinning, she joyfully ran another piece of paper through and it divided into twenty long strips before falling into the trash can. "This has got to be the coolest invention ever!"
"I know what you mean," Valerie replied. "When I first got the shredder, I was as overjoyed as you are now. There's just something about destructive machinery that makes you want to wake up every morning and start each day with a smile."
"Oh no!" Niki gasped suddenly, a horrified expression on her face.
"What is it?" Eva asked.
"I'm out of paper!"
Just then, Mallory returned from getting the mail, a single, faded brown envelope in her hand. "Hey, Val, you have--" Before she could give the letter to Valerie, Niki grabbed it from her and shoved it into the paper shredder. Within moments, it was gone.
"What did you do that for?" Mallory asked Niki. "That letter was addressed to all current residents of the house, aged seventeen and under. It could have been important."
"And now it's shredded," Niki said happily. "The letter couldn't have come to a better end."
The following morning, Eva found three letters lying outside the front door. She brought them in and handed them to Valerie. The others gathered around.
"Hey!" Mallory exclaimed, peering over Valerie's shoulder. "They're the same as the letter yesterday, green ink and all! There's no return address."
"How strange."
"Indeed."
"They were on your doorstep," Eva said. "Whoever they're from didn't bother putting them in the mailbox."
"Oh, that was smashed in several times with a bat and hit by a car weeks ago," Valerie explained. "The door's all bent in and the little flag's just about impossible to get up."
Standing on tiptoe behind Valerie, Bob tried to read the writing on the envelopes. "I want to see the letters! Give me the letters!" she whined annoyingly.
Julie rolled her eyes. "Valerie, as your leader and upperclassman, I demand that you do not give Bob the letters. Because she is evil."
"Trust me, I wasn't about to give them to her anyway."
Bob glared at both of them. Before she could make a grab for the letters, Niki snatched them from Valerie's hand and ripped them into tiny shreds.
"Oh, good going," Julie said sarcastically, smacking Niki over the head. "Next time wait until we actually read the letters before destroying them."
Just as the day before, the same kind of letters were once again found outside the front door, only this time there was half a dozen of them.
Niki grinned when Eva appeared with the six envelopes. "The letters. They are multiplying. Like rabbits."
"Oh please," Mallory sighed. "Not that analogy again!"
When Bob saw the letters, her eyes lit up. But Niki, suspecting that the sadistic b*tch would go to extreme means to get them, was ready. When Bob made a move for the letters, she attempted to tackle Bob to the floor but accidently shoved her into Eva. The letters flew from Eva's grasp and landed in the middle of the fire Vanessa was trying to read.
Vanessa leapt up. "I did it! I did it! I had a vision!" she yelled excitedly. "And in my vision, there were many letters falling from the sky into the flames. I foresee that we will be receiving several more mysterious letters from no one."
Though she didn't really have a true vision, Vanessa's prediction came through. Every day that week, they received more and more of those mysterious letters, but each time Niki somehow managed to destroy all of them before a single one had been read, in order to keep them from Bob.
Despite Niki's honorable intentions, after Saturday's six dozen letters had been tossed into the yard and run over by the lawn mower, the rest of the senshi were beginning to get annoyed with her.
Early Sunday morning, the senshi were sitting at the kitchen table, eating their usual breakfast of tea and scones. Most of them didn't actually like tea and had no clue as to what scones were, but they ate them anyway. While eating the very British food, they tended to enjoy using big words and had weekly debates over who had the most outrageous fake European accent.
Bob was in the middle of discussing the weather with her particularly horrible accent when out of nowhere a rectangular-shaped thing flew through the air and hit her square in the forehead. "Bloody hell!" she cried out.
"Mon Dieu!" Valerie yelled in French as she stared in surprise at the familiar envelope that now lay on the table. "But vhere did eet come from?"
As if answering her question, several more letters zoomed out of the fireplace and one by one, hit Bob in the face. A moment later, the house became flooded with letters as hundreds and hundreds of them poured in through the windows, and under doorways, and flew down from upstairs, every single one of them hitting Bob before coming to a rest on the table or floor.
Mallory grabbed a letter and ripped it open. "Dear Miss Leigh; We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" she read excitedly out loud (with her British accent). "Guys, guys, check it out!"
"Oh!" Eva said. "Dear Miss Deness! I found one!"
Valerie opened her own letter and read, "Dear Miss Champain . . . Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1."
"Oh boy!" Niki skimmed the letter. "We await your owl by no later than July 31. . . An owl? I want an owl!"
"Wait! Wait!" Bob yelled frantically as she opened dozens and dozens of letters. "Miss Kwaites . . . Miss Stegmen . . .I can't find mine! Where's my letter?"
Julie turned to the others, a letter bearing her own name in hand. "Has everyone but Bob found their letter?" They nodded. "Alright, Niki, do your thing. Everyone else, help me lock Bob in the cupboard under the stairs."
"There's no cupboard under the stairs," Valerie said. "Will the hall closet do? It's very small and dark and it smells funny."
"That will be fine."
As Niki proceeded to destroy four hundred letters, the others managed to lock Bob in the hall closet (though she fought and clawed like a savage badger), preventing her from finding a letter addressed to herself. And there was much rejoicing. (YEY!)
Exactly two weeks later, at four o clock in the morning, the senshi were standing outside Valerie's house, each with several large suitcases, waiting for the taxi that would bring them to the airport.
"I'm so excited!" Mallory gushed. "We're going to Hogwarts! It's just like in this book I once read!"
"Yey!" Niki jumped up and down. "And they have owls! I want an owl!"
"But first we have to stop by London to get our school supplies," Eva reminded them. "There's still a whole week before school actually starts, but we have lots to do."
"In London, we can buy our owls!" Niki said excitedly, still jumping up and down. "I want an owl!"
"Niki," Mallory said, patting her on the back. "Calm down. You're obsessing again."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"I don't see why we have to fly," Bob whined. "I hate airplanes."
"Okay then," Valerie said sarcastically. "When the taxi comes, we'll have him bring all of us to the airport, and then you can see if he'll be willing to drive you to London."
"Well," Bob pouted. "It's not like it's that far away."
"I have an even better idea," Julie said, frowning at Bob. "Why don't you stay here. After all, you didn't get a letter."
"I did too!" Bob yelled back. "You just locked me in the closet before I could find it. I'll have you know the envelopes were addressed to all current residents, aged seventeen and under, and that includes me. So there," she stuck out her tongue.
"Well, I'm surprised that all of our parents were okay with us going to school in Great Britain for a year," Vanessa said, attempting to change the topic to avoid having to listen to yet another argument between the b*tchy blonde and everyone else.
"Okay with us going?" Valerie echoed. "Like my mom cares. I'll probably be back home before she even notices I was gone."
"Same here," Niki agreed. "But that's because I didn't bother telling my mom I was going."
"You didn't tell her?"
"Oh, she'll figure it out eventually."
On the long and relatively uneventful plane trip to London, England, the senshi found many worthless ways of amusing themselves.
When she wasn't sleeping, Niki spent her time repetitively opening and closing the window flap while boring Julie to tears by talking nonstop about the outrageously cute owl she was planning on buying and then going through every imaginable name for it in alphabetical order. By the time she got to the Gs, Julie had already requested a seat change with Bob, who was the only one she deemed evil enough to deserve such torment.
Valerie, who had been forced to sit next to Bob, did everything she possibly could to make the blonde miserable. While Bob tried to sleep, Valerie kept pinching her until she woke up, and then she pretend to be asleep until Bob closed her eyes again. Then the vicious cycle would start over. After Bob switched to the seat directly behind her, Valerie leaned her chair back as far as it would go, crushing the blonde and keeping her trapped there until the end of the flight. Even though Bob had to use the restroom REALLY badly.
Meanwhile, Mallory, Vanessa, and Eva were busy reading several books on Hogwarts that they had checked out from the parish library. As it turned out, the library had absolutely no useful books dealing with anything that may be needed for a school project, but it had a nice little section dedicated to the renowned Hogwarts school. Those books were, of course, in the fantasy section, since as far as non-magic folks were concerned, Hogwarts didn't really exist.
"Oh, that's interesting," Mallory said as something in Hogwarts: A History caught her eye. "It says here that since the school began, it's been tradition for first year students to be accepted into Hogwarts right after their eleventh birthday. They start attending the following term."
"What's so interesting about that?"
"Well, this is our first year, and we're clearly not eleven."
"That's true. How strange."
"Indeed."
"Hey!" Eva said excitedly. "I've figured out where we have to go to get our supplies. The Leaky Cauldron, a small pub that's spelled from muggle view, marks the way to Diagon Alley," she read. "The Alley itself can be reached by tapping out the correct code on certain bricks in the wall just behind The Leaky Cauldron."
"Diagon Alley is where we need to go? But how on earth are we supposed to know what to tap on which bricks?" Mallory wondered.
"Don't worry. I'm sure we'll figure it out."
"London at last!" Valerie sighed happily as she and her companions, each dragging all of their luggage, walked along a street lined with quaint little shops. They had arrived in London the day before, but it had been too late to go shopping for school supplies and so they had spent the night in a motel just outside the airport.
Now it was early morning, and the senshi were so excited to be in London where they have cool accents, bad teeth, and baby carriages called prams, that even Niki didn't complain about having to wake up at the crack of dawn.
"Okay," Mallory said as she studied the book she was carrying. "It says here that The Leaky Cauldron is situated between a book store and a record store. It may be difficult to find if you don't know what you are looking for because of the spells used to keep unsuspecting muggles away. Ow," she added as she ran into Julie.
"Mallory, how many times do I have to say it?" Julie growled in annoyance. "Reading is bad. It rots your brain."
"Actually," Niki, the resident things-that-rot-your-brain expert (thanks to her brothers), corrected. "You're thinking of TV. Or hallucinogenic mushrooms. Or Elmer's Glue. Or--"
"Whatever," Julie cut Niki off and once again focused her attention on Mallory. "At any rate, if you don't have the coordination that allows you to walk and read at the same time, then please stop."
"Okay, so we're looking for a bookstore and a record store?" Vanessa said, once again trying to get the others back on topic. "Well, how hard can that be?"
Harder than she thought. As it turned out, London had at least three dozen book and record stores throughout the city, but The Leaky Cauldron was no where to be found. The senshi spent several hours walking and riding all over London, with no luck. By noon, they were all exhausted and just about to give up the search.
"This has got to be the last one in all of London," Mallory said glumly as they turned the corner near the entrance of a large, two-story bookstore. "I'm beginning to think this Hogwarts thing is some elaborate hoax. If the pub isn't here, I say we go home. Ow," she added as she ran into something large.
"Mallory, you found it!" Niki said excitedly as she gestured to the wooden sign Mallory had run into. 'The Leaky Cauldron' was written on it in bold, chipping letters. They all turned and saw, much to their surprise, a tiny pub which they had somehow completely missed seeing before.
"This is it," Julie said as she pulled the pub's door open and went inside. "This is where it all begins."
Inside, the pub was dark and shabby and there were several people occupying a few of the booths and tables. One thing that struck the senshi as odd was the clothing the people were wearing. Most had on long, shining robes and pointed hats. A few old women looked up curiously as the senshi walked in.
"I want a long robe and a pointed hat!" Niki whispered to Mallory. "They will look so cute with my owl!"
With the others in tow, Julie approached the bartender and cleared her throat.
The bald bartender grinned. "Hello there," he greeted them as he pulled out some empty glasses. "Can I get you anything?"
"No thank you," Julie replied. "We were just wondering if perhaps you could direct us to the super, secret, hidden entrance to Diagon Alley. We're not sure exactly where it is."
"Well, of course!" The man chuckled. "New ones, eh? Off to buy your first racing brooms, I suspect. And what might your name be?"
"Julie Kwaites."
The pub grew silent as all heads turned to the girls.
"Bless my soul," whispered the old bartender. He reached out to shake her hand. "Julie Kwaites . . . what an honor."
There was a great scraping of chairs and the next moment, the senshi found themselves shaking hands with everyone in the leaky cauldron.
"Doris Crockford, Miss. Kwaites, can't believe I'm meeting you at last."
"So proud, Miss. Leigh, I'm just so proud."
"Always wanted to shake your hand, Miss. Reneir -- I'm all of a flutter."
"Delighted, Miss. Champain, just can't tell you, Diggle's the name, Dedalus Diggle."
"What's going on?" A bewildered Eva asked as she shook hands with person after person. "How do they know our names?"
"Well, my question is, why on earth are they so happy to see us?" Valerie said as Dedalus Diggle, practically in tears, wouldn't stop shaking her hand.
"I don't know," Niki admitted as she shook another round of hands. "But this is fun!"
"Give them a bit of space, will you?" the bartender said, shooing away the customers that kept going back to shake hands again. "They can't shake hands all day, you know."
"Excuse me, but how do you know who we are?" Vanessa asked once the customers had all settled back down.
"Know who you are?" the bartender chuckled merrily. "A kidder, are we? Who doesn't know who you are? Now come along," he added, ushering them out the back entrance of the pub. "Here's the wall. I'm sure you know what to do. Goodbye." He was back inside and the door shut before they had a chance to mention the fact that they didn't know what to do.
"I still can't believe it," Mallory murmured. "All of those people knew who we are! Why? How could they have possibly known our names?"
Valerie shrugged. "Maybe they've been to my website," she suggested. She turned and looked at the wall the bartender had pointed out. "NOW what are we supposed to do?"
Vanessa studied the wall. "It must transform into some sort of door. The book mentioned that you have to tap on certain bricks, but it didn't specify which ones."
"Oh great," Bob said. "So are we going to go back in the pub and ask for help? Personally, I didn't like it in there," she said with a huff. "No one wanted to shake my hand."
"That's because you're--"
"NOBODY MOVE!" Niki yelled suddenly. Her eyes opened wide in horror as she stared at the wall.
"What is it?" Eva cried out.
"Bob, give me your shoe," Niki commanded.
"Why?"
"You lost my damn shoe in another dimension and then had it turned to gold and eaten by a cow!" Niki reminded her. "Now give me your bloody shoe."
Bob handed it over. Niki wrinkled her nose in disgust, and a moment later -- She began pounding furiously on the wall with the shoe, yelling out, "Die, Bastards! Die!," and laughing hysterically.
"Oh no!" Valerie cried. "Niki's gone mad, hasn't she?"
Niki stopped pounding on the wall as suddenly as she had begun. She gave the shoe back to Bob. "Okay, you can have your shoe now."
Bob looked at it. "Gross! There are insect guts all over the bottom!" She looked at the wall where the bodies of a dozen spiders were smashed into the bricks, their guts splattered all over the wall. "That's disgusting!" Why did you do that?"
"The spiders. They had to die." Niki said softly.
Just then, a low rumbling noise drew the senshi's attention back to the wall. To their surprise, the wall began to shake violently. And then it began to change.
The senshi stared in wonder as the bricks in the wall began spinning and moving away from where Niki had attacked the spiders, revealing a large, open archway. And beyond the archway, they could see the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley.
Niki clapped her hands excitedly. "Oh boy! That was fun! Let's do it again!"
"Isn't it amazing how Niki just happened to hit the correct order of bricks while attacking the spiders?" Mallory asked Valerie loudly.
"Why, yes it is," Valerie replied, equally as loud. "How very convenient, wouldn't you agree?"
"Indeed."
Once the senshi had all stepped through the archway, it quickly morphed back into a seemingly ordinary brick wall. They made their way slowly down the alley, admiring the rows of shops that stretched on as far as they could see, selling everything from cauldrons to newt eyes, brooms to flying carpets.
A barrel filled with a strange-colored liquid and large, lumpy shapes caught Valerie's eye. "Excuse me," she said to the shop keeper. "But what are those?"
"Those would be the finest dragon livers in all of Diagon Alley," he replied.
"What are they for?"
"Dragon livers can be used in a number of spells and potions, the most popular one being the face-contortion potion. Just give your enemies a little bit of that one, and their features will get so hideous that for weeks they won't be fit to be seen by other living people."
"Oh, well, Bob doesn't really need a face-contorting potion to be hideous looking. But, it sounds like fun anyway. How much?"
"At only a Galleon a piece, you can't find a better price."
"A Galleon?" Valerie pulled out the contents of her pockets and studied them carefully. "Let's see here, nope, no Galleons. But I have a twenty."
"Sorry," the shop keeper said. "Muggle money's no good around here. Try Gringotts." He turned away.
Valerie rejoined her friends who were gathered around a broom display, staring in awe at a particularly spiffy-looking broom with a gold label scripted on the handle.
"Look!" Niki said excitedly, gesturing to the broom. "It's the new Nimbus Two Thousand! Fastest broom ever!"
"How do you know?" Valerie asked.
"It says so on the sign."
"Oh right. Well, bad news, guys," Valerie said to the others. "Our money's no good here. We have to go to the Gringotts bank."
A few minutes later the senshi found what they were looking for. The bank was a snowy white building that towered over the other shops. What looked like a very small, very ugly man was guarding the entrance.
With a nod to the girls, the little guard stepped aside so that they could pass through the huge doors and into Gringotts.
"They're goblins," Mallory whispered to the others as they made their way past dozens of the small, unattractive people-like creatures. "According to Defining Delights of Diagon Alley, they're in charge of the bank and all currency that passes through its doors."
"For the first time ever, I feel quite tall," Julie confessed happily. "Goblins . . . they're not so bad as long as you avert your eyes."
"So, now that we're here, what do we do?" Eva asked. "Just tell them to give us some money?"
Niki tapped one of the goblins on the shoulders. "Hi. Can you give us some money?"
The goblin gave her a shrewd look. "That all depends. What is your vault number?"
"Sorry?"
"Name, please."
"Niki Reneir."
A flash of understanding crossed the goblin's eyes. "Ah yes. Miss Reneir. Am I to correctly assume that these other girls have also been summoned to Hogwarts along with you? If that is the case, your financial needs have been taken care of."
"Sure. Okay. Yeah, I guess."
"Right this way." The goblin led the senshi down a dark corridor to a wall filled with innumerable locked compartments. He opened one and pulled out a set of gold keys. "Each of your vaults may be reached by way of the underground cart system. Follow me and we will retrieve enough funds for each of your expenses."
The underground cart system turned out to be a set of rickety old carts that zoomed this way and that over the twisting tracks, hundreds of feet below the bank. Those who had actually been to Disney World were somewhat reminded of the Rocky Mountain roller coaster ride. Except for the part where they had to cling on for dear life in an attempt to not be tossed over the side into the cavernous pits below.
During the cart ride, most of the senshi were terrified (and for good reason), but Valerie seemed to be enjoying herself a bit too much. Due to her insistence to stand up while the cart was in motion, she was nearly decapitated twice. Luckily one of the other senshi managed to pull her down just in the nick of time.
The cart came to a stop several times as one by one the senshi were led by the goblin to their underground vaults where mounds and mounds of gold Galleons, silver Sickles, and bronze Knuts awaited them. They were all surprised by their fortunes and didn't have the slightest idea as to where they came from.
Niki in particular was thrilled when her own vault, vault 24601, was opened. She practically dived into it while rejoicing in the fact that she would never have to go home ever again. When the others finally pried Niki from what was left of her riches after a large amount of coins was retrieved, there was only one vault left. Bob's vault.
The goblin studied the last gold key carefully. "Vault 666. This way, please."
While the others chose to be relatively nice by only snickering quietly, Valerie couldn't contain herself. "Vault 666?" she laughed. "That sounds about right. After all, Bob is the spawn of Satan."
"What about your sister?" Mallory asked.
"I don't see what's so funny," Bob said darkly. "It's just a number."
"It's not just a number," Julie pointed out. "It's the devil's number. And I'd have to agree with Valerie on that one. It's quite appropriate."
Bob, fearing Julie about as much as the other senshi did, tried to hit Valerie instead. Valerie stepped aside and the force of the attempted blow sent Bob careening towards the end of the ledge they were standing on.
Vanessa reached out and steadied the blonde before she could fall over the edge, saving her from an almost certain death. The others scowled. Vanessa was always ruining their fun.
As the goblin led them down yet another long, dark corridor, Valerie, Julie and the others (with the exception of Vanessa who almost always tried to be nice), enjoyed doing what they do best: tormenting Bob. When at last they came to the correct vault, they were surprised to see that it was a great deal larger than their own.
"What is this nonsense?"
"Wow," Eva said. "Bob's vault is huge."
Bob smirked. "And I expect it's filled with more riches than all of your pathetic vaults put together."
The goblin opened the vault and revealed its contents: a single, small, parchment wrapped in a dirty newspaper. The goblin quickly snatched it out and put it in his vest pocket. "I told them to put it in vault 713, not vault 666," he muttered to himself.
Meanwhile Bob had reached a state of catatonic shock. She couldn't move and could barely speak. "But--I--where--my--gold?" she managed to stutter.
Niki slapped her on the back. "Oh, well! Better luck next time, old chum!"
"But I want my money NOW!" the annoying blonde whined.
"I told you so!" Julie said. "They (whoever they is) didn't leave you any money because you weren't supposed to come. You didn't get a letter."
Vanessa patted Bob's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry, we'll share our gold with you. After all, that's what friends are for."
Mallory coughed. "Since when has the word 'friend' been associated with Bob in any way?" Vanessa shot her a look. "Oh, and speaking of 'since when's, since when have you and Bob been such good buddies?" she asked suspiciously.
"Well, someone has to be nice to her. Otherwise, she won't have anyone to turn to when everyone decides to gang against her. That's just not fair.
"But it's fun!" Valerie protested.
Eva looked the supplies list over carefully. "Let's see . . . now that we have our money, I say we get our wands. That seems to be the most important thing on the list."
Niki shook her head. "Nu uh! Owls are the most important thing on the list!"
Mallory rolled her eyes. "That's right, Niki." To the others, "how about Ollivanders?" They looked up at the tiny store she gestured to. "Makers of fine wands since 382 B.C."
Inside, the store was dusty and dimly lit. A few stools were arranged before a large desk and all along the walls were hundreds and hundreds of long, thin boxes. Mr. Ollivander, an old man with crazed hair and bifocals hurried to greet the senshi the moment they stepped into the store.
"Ah yes," he said. "I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Albus Dumbledore informed me personally that you would be in need of your very first wands. Seems that your being enrolled at Hogwarts has created quite the excitement. It's not every day people such as yourself are admitted into our world."
The senshi, being completely clueless as to what on earth he was talking about, decided not to say anything.
Mr. Ollivander didn't appear to notice the awkward silence. He busied himself pulling down various boxes from the shelves. "Let's see, this will do," he kept muttering to himself. A moment later he handed the girls wands of varying sizes and colors.
"What are we supposed to do with this?" Julie asked.
"Hey! I've figured it out!" Valerie yelled as she hit Bob over the head with her wand. Bob cried out in pain. Valerie turned to Mr. Ollivander. "It appears that this wand works quite nicely. I'll take it."
"No, no," Mr. Ollivander shook his head. "Not like that. Just give it a wave. If the wand chooses you, you'll be able to tell."
The senshi waved the wands they had been given in the air. When nothing happened they traded wands and waved again. And again. And again. Half an hour (and several hundred wands) later, the senshi found themselves practically buried in discarded wand boxes. Mr. Ollivander kept insisting that they keep looking, but soon every wand in the store had been waved at least ten times and with no results.
"Alright, that's it," Julie sighed as she tossed the last wand over her shoulder. "This is ridiculous. I refuse to wave another one."
"Well, it doesn't seem like you'll have to," Mallory pointed out. "There aren't any left."
Mr. Ollivander chuckled. "Goodness, if I didn't know any better, I'd think there isn't a spark of magic in the lot of you. I've never had such difficult customers." He scratched his head thoughtfully and frowned. "Of course!" he said suddenly, snapping his fingers. "A new shipment came in this morning. I have them in the back."
Bob watched as Mr. Ollivander exited through a door in the back of the store. She rolled her eyes. "This is insane," she proclaimed. "Magic wands? Flying brooms? Hah! He's right, you know," she huffed. "There isn't a spark of magic in the lot of us. We don't belong in this world."
"She's just jealous because she didn't get a letter," Julie whispered loudly to Eva. Eva nodded in agreement.
Niki shrugged. "Who cares? So we may not be magical, big deal. I'm just here for the owl."
A moment later Mr. Ollivander returned, carrying a large brown box. He set the box down on the desk and removed the top, revealing a row of shiny, new wands. The senshi gathered around. "Not to worry," he told them with a smile. "We'll find the perfect match here somewhere." He pulled out the first wand. "Ah yes . . . pine and spotted cow tail, nine and a half inches long . . . an appropriate wand for a fearless leader." He handed it to Julie.
Julie studied the wand carefully. "Somehow it feels different than the other wands. Lighter. Almost as though it's made of air."
"That's a good sign," Mr. Ollivander insisted. "Now, try it out."
Julie raised the wand into the air and as she did so, a stream of red and gold sparks spewed forth. A wind rose up suddenly, blowing her hair in every direction and the other senshi could have sworn they heard a heavenly choir for a split second before the wind died down again and all was still.
"That was . . . colorful," Vanessa commented. "Definitely wasn't lacking in the special effects area."
"Ohh . . . shiny!" Valerie yelled gleefully as the last bits of golden sparks fell into her open hands.
"Oh, bravo!" Mr. Ollivander cried happily. "A perfect match." He pulled out another wand. "Willow with a hair from a silver unicorn, six and seven-twelfths inches long. Unicorns are as keen as willows are wise. It makes sense that this then belongs to you." He passed the wand to Mallory.
"Why?" Bob asked. "Because she's not smart enough without it?" The others ignored her. After the shower of sparkles and unnatural wind had faded, Mr. Ollivander picked up another wand.
"Aspen with the whisker of a walrus, six and eleven-twelfths inches long. An unusual combination. For an unusual person."
Niki grabbed the wand from him eagerly. "Oh boy!" She waved it and the hail of sparks and wind repeated again. "How long till I learn how to make my family disappear?"
Mr. Ollivander handed the next wand to Valerie. "Birch with the hair of a desert aisha, nine and one-fourth inches long. There is power in this wand, power that can be used for good or evil. You must decide."
Valerie frowned, no longer amused by the shiny sparkles that fell from her wand. "Hey," she said to Eva. "How come I got the 'power corrupts' talk? I'm not evil. You don't think he mistook me for Bob, do you?"
"I think he just doesn't want you to abuse your power by using the wand to magic away people's ears and/or heads."
"Why not? It's not like they need them or anything."
"Oak with a bit of fur from the tail of a black cat named Malcolm, seven and one-third inches long," Mr. Ollivander continued.
Vanessa smiled brightly as he gave her the wand. "Malcolm told me that he had donated hair the last time he went to get his fur trimmed, but I had no idea this was what he was donating for." She held the glowing wand against her chest and sighed. "Somehow, through this wand, I feel closer to him. Like he's not really in the motel room several miles away, but here with me."
"Wait," Valerie said. "You brought your cat to London?"
"He's not really a cat, you know. He's my boyfriend, who, unfortunately, is very hairy and trapped in a cat-like body. In my defense, Julie brought Krystina, who actually is a cat."
Julie smiled sheepishly. "Not by choice."
"Last but not least," Mr. Ollivander said, pulling the final wand from the box. "Bamboo with a golden noil tail, ten and three-quarters inches long." He handed the wand to Eva. When she took the wand, shimmering sparks flew from the end.
"Wait!" Bob cried out. "That was it? What about me? Where's my wand?"
"Hold on. There's one more at the bottom," Mr. Ollivander replied as he reached into the box and pulled out the last wand. "Devil's Walking Stick with a hair from the a$$ of a troll," he said as he handed the crooked stick to Bob. "Careful now, it's a bit thorny on the end."
The senshi watched as Bob gripped the wand and as she did so, there was a bright flash as black and blood-red, snake-like sparks issued from the wand. "Ow," she cried when she pricked herself on the handle. "This wand sucks."
The girls paid for their wands and just before they left the store, Julie pulled everyone but Bob over to the side for a conference. "Did anyone else notice that Bob's wand reacted differently than ours did?"
"Maybe it was because the wand didn't really like Bob," Niki suggested. "I know if I were a wand, I wouldn't want to belong to her either."
"That's possible," Julie agreed. "But I think that there's something up with Bob. Something that's not quite right."
"And you just now figured this out? If you want me too," Valerie said, a gleam in her eye. "I'll transform Bob into something that better fits her personality. Like a moron. Oh wait, never mind, she already is one."
"Let's see what happens first," Julie said. "Come on, let's buy our cauldrons."
"Wait!" Mr. Ollivander called after them. The senshi paused and looked back. He rushed forward, took Bob's wand, and peered at it intently. "Curious. Very curious."
"Sorry," Mallory said, letting her curiosity get the better of her. "But what's curious?"
"I remember every wand I've ever sold, every single wand. It just so happens that the troll whose a$$ hair is in this wand gave another a$$ hair - just one other. It is very curious indeed that she should be destined for this wand when its brother belongs to the one you've come to destroy. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."
The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky as the senshi headed for the last shop on their list. They hadn't talked much since leaving the wand shop. Mr. Ollivander's words had them seriously confused. After all, they had been summoned to Hogwarts as normal students, not to battle the greatest dark wizard who ever lived. Right?
"I'm going to get an owl! I'm going to get an owl!" Niki cried happily as the senshi entered Diagon Alley's pet shop. At first they were worried they wouldn't be able to find owls, because after all, in the non-magic world, owls weren't usually considered pets. But they soon saw that aside from cats, toads, and the occasional rat, owls were the only thing the shop carried.
Niki dragged the others to the snowy owls section and looked longingly at the dozens of pure white birds. "If only I could take them all home!"
"I think it's best if you only take one," Vanessa said.
A flash of green drew Niki's attention and she immediately grabbed for the owl with emerald-colored eyes. "I pick this one! I'm going to name him Yuki Pooki!"
Mallory attempted to translate the name. "Snow . . . Pooki?"
"Don't try to analyze the names of Niki's pets," Valerie advised her. "In Niki lingo, they could mean anything." She looked at the owls and chose an exceptionally fluffy one with blue eyes for herself. "I'm going to name this one Aoi Saru."
"Blue Monkey?" Mallory repeated. "You're going to name your white owl 'Blue Monkey'? You're worse than Niki."
"Oh yeah?" Valerie shot back. "And what were you planning on naming yours?"
Mallory held out a purple-eyed owl to show the others. "I'm naming her Theta ."
"Uh, Mal?" Niki said. "Theta's is a Greek letter. Not a name."
"Uh, it is too a name. Besides, you're not one to talk." Mallory glanced over to where Eva was standing with a golden-eyed owl in her arms. "What did you name yours?"
"Canopus. Don't ask."
Niki cuddled Yuki Pooki as she stood in the check out line behind Bob who had borrowed Vanessa's money in order to pay for her own pet. She noticed that instead of an owl the blonde had a rather hideous and unattractive excuse for a red-eyed rodent. "Hey," she said. "What's up with the rat? It was all you could afford? Why didn't you get an owl? Did you lose a bet?"
Bob rolled her eyes. "No, I didn't lose a bet. I just decided not to be a follower. You conformists all choose to be alike by buying the same kind of pet, but I am showing my individuality by going against the crowd."
"Uh huh, sure," Niki replied, not really sure exactly what she was talking about. "So, you're saying you're buying the rat by choice?"
Bob glared at her. "You're all sheep!" she cried to the other senshi. "Baa! Baa!"
"Well, at least we're not hiphopanonymouses!" Valerie yelled back, stupidly.
Eva made a face. "I think you mean hippopotamuses."
"Those too."
Later that night, back at the motel room, the senshi were getting ready for bed after their long day of shopping. The night before they had pushed the two king-sized beds together to make just enough room for six people to sleep on. Which meant that Bob had to sleep on the floor.
All their school supplies were piled up in the closet. It hadn't been easy to sneak the owls in, but luckily the birds were completely silent the whole time, hidden away in their cages. Mallory, owning rather annoying birds herself, was unnerved by the unusual silence and kept checking on them to make sure they hadn't died yet.
The only truly obnoxious pet was Bob's ugly rat which she had fondly named Rattigan, but Valerie, after being bitten by the damn rodent, more accurately christened it Rat Bastard III. Julie suggested that Valerie be tested for rabies after Rat Bastard III drew blood, but Valerie was convinced that (after having been attacked herself by rabid lemmings and still not having contracted the disease), she was immune to it.
Vanessa, by choice, and Julie, not by choice, hadn't bought owls because they brought Malcolm and Krystina instead. Krystina had insisted upon coming along for the trip, sure that the senshi would do something stupid unless she were there to stop them. Of course, she should have realized that they'd end up doing something stupid eventually, with or without her. It was just a matter of time.
As the senshi crawled into bed, each one stepping on Bob, who was already asleep on the floor, in the process, Krystina leapt on top of the headboard and looked down at them. "I suppose you think that you're prepared to go to Hogwarts now."
"Well, we got our books, wands, cauldrons, robes--"
"And owls!" Niki finished for Eva.
"Yes, you bought all the school supplies, but did you give any consideration to how on earth you are supposed to actually get to the school?" The cat studied their blank, seemingly unintelligent faces and sighed. "I thought as much. Luckily for you, an owl came by this afternoon."
Niki, who had been dozing off during Krystina's speech, perked up immediately. "An owl? Where? Where? Can I keep it?"
Krystina put a paw to her forehead and shook her head slowly. "Sometimes, even after two years, I just don't understand how you people think. The owl came by with your tickets for the Hogwarts Express, Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. You leave in three days time. I suggest you enjoy London while you're here."