The six sailor senshi all sat around in Valerie’s bedroom while Krystina attempted to conduct a meeting. She carefully explained to the girls that new information had been found and the soldiers of justice would have to check out some mysterious action taking place in Florida. Niki and Valerie held hands in a circle and twirled around the room while singing, “We’re going to Florida! We’re going to Florida!”
“Now girls,” Kyristina interrupted, “ This trip to Florida is strictly business. Negative energy has been picked up and it is our duty to investigate and if necessary, destroy evil. We are NOT going for fun and games.”
“Morons,” Bob mumbled under her breath. At that comment, Julie smacked Bob.
“I’m the only one who can insult underclassmen,” Julie informed her.
“Let’s get back to the meeting,” Krystina tried to say as calmly as possible.
“Right. Damn evil Florida,” murmured Bob as she rubbed her head where Julie hit her.
“How can Florida be evil?” questioned Valerie, “I mean, the whole population consists of retired New Yorkers and people who speak Spanish!”
“Old people aren’t evil, well, I don’t THINK they’re evil.” commented Vanessa.
“Yeah!” agreed Niki, “Mr. McDermott talks Spanish and HE’S not evil, heck, he never even makes us do work. EVER!”
“So people in Florida can’t vote very well, but that doesn’t make them evil,” Mallory added.
Krystina gave out an exasperated sigh and said, “Anyway, we’re leaving this weekend.”
“So uumm, how are we going to get there?” asked Vanessa, asking the first reasonable question since the meeting began.
“Well...” Krystina took a deep breath and started to explain.
A minivan drove down the interstate and was heading straight to Florida to investigate the “suspicious action”. Inside this mini van were six awfully strange superhero girls and their guardian cat. Mallory and Niki sat in the very back seats listening to their favorite CD, RENT (the musical). Vanessa was unfortunately in the middle seat next to Bob. Krystina was lying comfortably at the girls’ feet. Valerie sat in the passenger seat of the mini van where she had a large box that contained her computer. This was because she refused to go anywhere without internet access. Julie was in the driver’s seat. The senshi’s lives depended on the conscious decisions that Julie made. Needless to say, all the senshi were EXTREMELY scared.
Julie was driving fast. Too fast.
“Julie, I really don’t think that you’re two seconds following distance from that 18 wheeler,” Vanessa nervously commented.
“Shut up, I have to save the world and I don’t have time to go the speed limit.” retorted Julie.
The six girls arrived at a semi-nice hotel. Heck, it wasn’t the Ritz, but it was definitely better than the average run of the mill holiday inn. The senshi began to unload all their stuff from the mini van and attempted the flirt with the hot valley parking guys. (KEY WORD: attempted).
“Look! There’s the beach! I want to go swimming!” cried Niki.
“And I’m want to work on enhancing my beautiful tan,” said Bob.
The others looked at the pale blonde girl. Mallory snorted as she contained herself from laughing. Valerie, Vanessa, and Niki, (who were a little less nice and a little more blunt) began to laugh hysterically. Julie made some mean comment of how stupid Bob would look brown as a baseball glove. Bob chose to ignore their rude remarks.
The room the girls were staying in was extremely nice. It had three beds, a large, spacious bathroom, and a great view of the ocean. Niki immediately went to one of the beds and went to sleep. Valerie started to set up her computer so she could play on Neopets.
“So, Vanessa, is it ok if we share one of the beds?” asked Mallory.
“Sure! Well, as long as you don’t mind if we share it with Malcolm,” answered Vanessa as she held up her black cat (aka lover trapped in animal form).
“Well, I guess...but when did...he get here?” a confused Mallory questioned.
At that point, Julie made an announcement, “Because I’m an upperclassmen, I claim a bed to myself!”
“Oh! Oh! Will you sleep with me Valerie?” begged Niki.
“Why, yes I will,” responded Valerie.
“Hey! Then where am I going to sleep?” complained Bob.
In unison, the others told her that they didn’t care.
“The floor’s right there,” Julie informed her.
“Damn evil floor,” Bob mumbled.
“Ok girls!” Krystina announced, “Time for bed! We all have a long day in front of us!”
Niki sighed as she snuggled into the covers of the hotel bed. “I hope I have sweet dreams,“ she said to herself. Niki almost immediately went to sleep and found herself dreaming a VERY familiar dream. Suddenly she got out of bed and began sleeprunning. “Mr. Walrus! Don’t go!” she yelled. Niki trampled on Bob before she tripped and ran into the TV.
“Ow!!!!” screamed Bob.
Niki got up from where she fell. Not remembering how she got there, she headed back to the bed. On the way back, she somehow managed to step on Bob. (again)
“Niki! If you wake up dead, I personally give you permission to blame ME!” an angry Bob threatened.
But it was too late, for Niki had already fallen fast asleep.
The next day was a busy one for the girls. Valerie, Niki, and Mallory went shopping and bought really kawaii clothes.
“This really pisses me off, damn Florida malls don‘t have any good anime stores!” raged Valerie.
“But the mall DID have an awesome ice cream store!” Niki said as she finished her third ice cream cone.
Mallory just rolled her eyes at her two friends.
At the hotel, they met up with Vanessa who had been working out in the fitness room and was now having a low-fat smoothie for lunch.
“Does anyone want a sip of my smoothie? The flavor is Raspberry-Salmon; it’s only for a limited time though,” Vanessa offered.
With disgusted expressions on their faces, the other girls shook their heads.
“Ew,” commented Niki.
At this point the girls saw Julie, who was talking on her cell phone. Julie, not very capable of walking and talking at the same time, tripped and fell in to a nearby bush. Mallory, Vanessa, Niki, and Valerie all began to snicker as Julie attempted to casually remove herself from the bush.
“Oh my, I didn’t know that Julie was that clumsy,” Vanessa managed to say through her giggles.
“Well, that wasn’t too klutzy of Julie, I mean, I’ve seen her screw up worse, a lot worse,” Mallory put in.
Suddenly they saw someone walk up to them.
“Gee, I don’t know that person, but she is as red as a lobster,” remarked Valerie.
“Wait, unfortunately, we do know that person! IT’S BOB!!!!” cried Niki.
“Wow, is SHE sunburnt! That has got to hurt (he he he )” Valerie added.
“Hey, what about that tan, Bob?” Julie “nicely” questioned.
Bob just stared at the other girls and didn’t say anything.
Krystina had finally got the girls to settle down and was about to explain to them the details on who the senshi were to defeat and how they were going to do it. “All right senshi, on the bed here, I have what is known as a ‘Holographic Message’.” The cat placed a paw next to a somewhat large disk that looked like a CD without the hole in the middle. “In a minute, I will activate this disk and a holographic image of the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts will appear and explain your mission to you,” explained Krystina.
“Yeah! My Prince of Hotness will be here and he can rub his arms all over my. . .”
“NO! He’s a HOLOGRAPHIC IMAGE! He’s not really going to be here!” raged Krystina.
“Like on Star Wars!?. . .Not like I watch that kinda stuff,”
“Yes, Mallory, this disk produces a similar effect.”
“Coolness in a jar! Can I send holographic messages to my friends at camp!?” an excited Niki asked.
“NO! NO! NO! This is strictly for important business!” Krystina informed her.
“But my friends ARE important! I think Faith would love to...”
“No!” a slightly agitated cat replied. Then Krystina looked Valerie right in the eyes. “Valerie, we can only hear the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts’ message once. If you feel it necessary, please insert your foot into your mouth. Now, girls please gather on this bed and listen closely to your mission.”
The girls ran to the bed and fought for the best and most comfortable place to lay. Valerie and Niki “accidentally “ knocked the red-skinned blonde off the bed and on the scratchy carpeted floor.
“Oh Bob, carpet burn can’t feel good on that sunburn of yours. You should be more careful,” sympathized Niki.
“Damn evil sun.”
At that point, Krystina activated the holographic message and a small transparent Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts appeared.
“My lovey-dovey Prince!” shouted Julie, “Oh, he is so sexy!”
Niki and Mallory looked at each other. “Right,” they said simultaneously.
“Sailor Moo, Sailor Senshi, gather round, I have another tale to tell,” the holograph spoke.
“Yep, that’s definitely our Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts, I mean, he’s says that every time he has to tell us something about...” Valerie didn’t finish her sentence because of the evil glare that Krystina gave. Valerie quickly inserted her foot into her mouth.
The holograph message continued to speak. “The evil which Sailor Moo and her guardians must defeat is an EVIL MOO BAR!!!”
“Evil?” questioned Vanessa.
“Moo?” questioned Julie.
“Bar?” questioned Valerie.
“Yey! Ice cream!” cried Niki.
“Wait, I’m confused,” (That would be Mallory.)
“This concept may be confusing, so I will elaborate on the importance of destroying the Evil Moo Bar,” continued the Prince. “In the past when the Moo Kingdom was young and thriving, there was a herd of wild. . .people nearby.”
“And this was before it was Hell,” commented Bob.
“Don’t Speak Words. . .Ever!” demanded Krystina who then scratched Bob on the back. Bob screeched in pain and the others laughed.
“These individuals hated the world around them and they wanted to punish all who were happy and lived in peace, so they started the first corporation in the manufacture of Ice Cream Bars and labeled them the name, ’Moo Bars’.”
“How is this hurting the world? Everybody likes Moo Bars,” Niki remarked.
“Making and selling Moo Bars were only the beginning of their evil plot. If people were to eat too many of these fat-filled, calorie-loaded Moo Bars they would gain weight and be fat.”
“Not if they have a REALLY good metabolism,” Niki commented. The other girls gave her an evil glare.
“The real way these, um, strange people made money was all the diet programs that they later started. Considering none of the diet programs worked, it was a conspiracy to make money and as a bonus, make people miserable.” said The Prince.
“Sooo, where do we come in?” asked Vanessa.
“The reason the power of Sailor Moo and her soldiers are called upon is because there is only one of those wild people left today.” The Prince continued answering Vanessa’s question.
“So, why don’t we just kill him or something?” Niki asked.
“Unfortunately, this person had a freak accident at a Moo Bar manufacturing plant. It had to do with radioactive chocolate chips or something. But, the point being, this person is not normal,” said the Prince.
“And what is normal anyway? Is anyone normal?” Valerie questioned as she removed her foot from her mouth.
“The result of this accident caused him to turn into an EVIL MOO BAR!” concluded the Prince.
“Dum, dum, dum! Sorry, ominous sound effects seemed necessary.”
“Wait, does this Moo Bar thingamabob want to fight us specifically?” Mallory asked.
“The Evil Moo Bar wants revenge against the Moo Kingdom, so it is our duty, senshi, to fight him.” explained Krystina.
“Why against the Moo People? Principoo guy just said that they hated people who were happy and live in peace. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the Moo Kingdom kind of. . .messed up?” inquired Niki.
“Yes, it was, but it is still a duty for soldiers of justice.” Krystina answered.
“Yeah, that clears things up,” Bob added.
“So, are we just going to show up at his Florida condo, knock on his door, and say, ‘Yo, we’re going to beat you up now,’”? asked Niki.
“No, the Evil Moo Bar is aware of our arrival because I have personally challenged him to a duel,” explained Krystina.
“Cool! Did you slap him across the face with a white glove??!” an excited Mallory questioned.
“No, I did not.” answered Krystina. “At promptly two thirty seven tomorrow afternoon in the Citrus Orange Park, we will meet the Evil Moo Bar and we will fight him to his destruction.”
“How do we destroy him? Can I bite his ears and/or head off??!”
“Moo Bars don’t have ears, brainiac,” remarked Bob. At that comment Niki slapped Bob leaving a white handprint on her red face.
“Hopefully, your current attacks should work against the Moo Bar. Now, all of you, please try and get to bed at a reasonable time. This meeting is dismissed.” concluded Krystina.
Valerie and Niki immediately plunged to the computer and went to the Neopets website.
Krystina just shook her head slowly and decided not to comment.
The girls were now gathered at the Citrus Orange Park. Valerie and Niki swayed a little as they tried to stay awake, considering that they stayed up all night playing on the computer.
“So now that we’re in the park, what do we do?” asked Mallory, who was a little confused.
“Well, you could all start by transforming,” answered Krystina.
The girls kind of stared at her with confused looks on their faces.
Krystina groaned and then elaborated, “TAKE OUT YOUR TRANSFORMATION DEVICES AND TURN INTO YOUR ALTER-EGOS!!!!”
“Why didn’t you just say so? There is no reason to shout,” Julie replied.
With that, the senshi took out their cool mechanical pencils and rhombi.
MOO PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!
UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!
24601 RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!
PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!
UNKNOWN RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!
ECCO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!
After they had transformed, something moved in the bushes.
“What was that?” Sailor Ecco asked with a shaky voice.
“I feel a disturbance in the force,” Sailor Unknown sarcastically answered.
“What force? Wait, I’m...”
Before Sailor Unico could finish her sentence, Sailor Moo grabbed her by the neck and began to strangle her. “Don’t say it! I can’t stand it anymore!”
“Say what?” Sailor Unico managed to ask, “Wait, I’m confused!”
With that comment, an aggravated Sailor Moo growled and threw Sailor Unico on the ground.
Then, all of a sudden, a giant Moo Bar jumped out of the bushes. He was shaped like a regular chocolate Moo Bar. ( for those of you who have never had the experience of having a yummy Moo Bar, they are shaped like a popsicle.) He had two little chocolate arms coming out of his body. His legs were made of two wooden popsicle sticks. He stared at the odd girls for a moment. Suddenly he spoke. “IF YOU STOP TO THINK, DON’T FORGET TO START UP AGAIN!”
The girls all kind of stood there and from their appearance, they all seemed to be thinking, or at least attempting to think. They stood in their “thinking poses” for a REALLY LONG time.
Krystina, who had been calmly watching the ordeal, finally scowled and shouted, “Wake up you blithering blockheads!”.
The senshi shook their heads and came out of their “trances”.
Sailor Moo looked at the Evil Moo Bar and said, “Playing mind tricks with a young girl’s head might be forgivable, but ruining the wonderful name of ice cream to ice cream lovers everywhere is NOT! Ice cream is a wonderful treat on a hot summer afternoon and I’m not going to let you disturb dreams that a perfect dessert brings to the hearts of many around the world!”
“Sailor Moo, just attack him!” cried Sailor Psychy in despair.
“Fine! Nobody appreciates a nice long speech like they used to. MOO SLINKY--- SURROUND!”
The moo-spotted slinky flew through the air and seemed to head straight to the Evil Moo Bar, yet it veered off course and tied itself around a tree.
“RABID LEMMING MEDITATION!”
The lemmings appeared and started attacking Sailor Unknown.
“WALRUS PEP RALLY!”
Cute little walruses pranced around and called out their cheer about usurping syrup.
“SYRUP! WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!“ cried the giant Moo Bar as he dodged the attack and sprayed what looked like chocolate syrup onto Sailor 24601.
“Our attacks aren’t working!” cried Sailor Unico.
“HA HA HA, AND THAT’S NOT ALL! THE SYRUP I JUST ATTACKED YOUR FRIEND WITH IS A SECRET SLEEPING POTION! SHE’LL BE ASLEEP FOR HOURS!” the Moo Bar shouted.
“Well, it’s just Sailor 24601, I mean, she sleeps all the time anyway,” commented Sailor Moo.
“ALL MANKIND MUST PERISH!” cried the Evil Moo Bar as he waved his arms about in a conductor-type style. Music notes with flaming wings began to attack the senshi, burning them all over their bodies.
All of a sudden, the girls heard a voice.
“LOOK WITHIN YOUR HEART. . . THE POWER IS WITHIN YOU, IT ALWAYS WILL BE.”
“Who the hell is that?” asked Sailor Psychy.
“Who the hell cares?” Sailor Unknown commented.
Sailor Unico started to glow and then began to sing, “I am the starlight! I can achieve. . .ANYTHING!. . .PLEASANT PARFAIT PUNCH! ”
The Moo Bar screamed in agony as a pink liquid burned his skin.
“All right! New powers from the voice inside my head!” Sailor Psychy happily remarked. She then screamed out her new attack, “WHIPPED CREAM WHIPLASH!“ White whipped cream surrounded the Evil Moo Bar and left scorch marks on him.
“BANANA SPLIT SPLAT!” shouted Sailor Ecco as flaming banana peels flew through the air and began to attack the Moo Bar.
“DELICIOUS DESSERT DEDICATION!” Sailor Unknown cried out. Small cakes circled around her and started to spit out fire at the Moo Bar.
“What is it with this theme of fire?” questioned Sailor Unico.
“CUNNING COFFEE OF THE DEVIL!” Sailor Moo said as she waved her hands, causing a fiery-black liquid to create a whirlpool in the air just above the Evil Moo Bar. It then descended on top of him.
“I’M MELTING! I’M MELTING!” the Moo Bar cried.
“Oh, poor baby,” Sailor Moo remarked.
Soon, all that was left of the Evil Moo Bar was a pile of melted ice cream and the other ingredients added by the senshi’s new and strange attacks.
The girls detransformed and were quickly accompanied by Krystina, who tried to straighten things out for the somewhat confused girls and the REALLY confused Mallory.
“How come the voice in my head gave us new attacks?” asked Valerie.
“NO! The voice was in my head!” whined Bob. Julie kicked Bob really hard in the shin and told her to stop whining.
“That voice that all of you heard was your inner strength awaking. This means that you have become more dedicated senshi and have found the power planted deep inside of you.” explained Krystina.
“Who planted it?” asked Vanessa.
“You each planted the power in yourselves,” clarified Krystina.
“But, I don’t remember. . .planting. . .power in me,” a confused Mallory said.
“Well, technically, you haven’t planted it yet. This happens in the future to protect your past. . .never mind, if I try to explain it, you’ll just get even more confused. The point is, the power has awakened, the Evil Moo Bar has been successfully destroyed, and it is now time to return home.” concluded Krystina.
“NOOO!!!! I don’t want to go back to Loserville!” complained Julie.
At that moment Niki, who was still asleep from the chocolate syrup, woke up. Her eyes widened at the sight of all the dessert-type foods that were in a pile where the Moo Bar was destroyed. “Goody! Ice Cream!” Niki cried as she began to gobble up the tasty treats.
The girls again were in the minivan on their way back from their adventure in Florida.
“It’s really hot in here,” complained Bob.
“I’d be hot too, if I was as sunburnt as you are!” Niki told her.
Bob groaned and stared miserably out the window.
“Well, I have to admit that I actually had a lot of fun on this vacation,” said Vanessa.
“Me too!” Mallory chimed in.
“It wouldn’t be that bad if we didn’t have to drive all the way there and back,” complained Bob.
Valerie hit Bob on the side of her head, knocking her face into the window.
“Ouch, that’s gonna leave a bruise,” Niki commented as she giggled.
“I have a question,” stated Mallory.
“Well, why don’t you ask it?” Julie suggested.
“Good thinking! Ok, why did we drive here if we technically could have transported here with our transformation power thingies?”
At Mallory’s comment, the girls groaned at the realization that they didn’t have to drive all the way back home to Loserville in the minivan.
“Damn evil minivan,” mumbled Bob.
All the other girls told Bob to shut up.