"New transformations? What good will those do?"
"With your new transformations comes new power!"
"New powers! New powers!" Niki jumped up and down. "Do mine involve green jello, walruses, and flags, by any chance?"
"Um. I don't know," Vanessa replied. "I think they're like super, secret, hidden powers or something."
"Oh. Damn. I hate that kind."
"So, give us our new powers, already!" Bob demanded.
Vanessa made a face. "Um . . . I just did."
"I don't feel any different." Niki looked at Vanessa. "Am I supposed to feel different?"
"Not necessarily. Your powers won't awaken until they are needed."
"That was it?" Valerie asked. "We have our new transformations? There's not even gonna be like a cool little ceremony?"
"Not even the stupid holding hands and glowing thing?"
"Damn. I sort of liked that." The other senshi stared. "Just kidding."
Vanessa grinned. "However, you may be surprised the next time you transform."
Bob looked at the new senshi suspiciously, "Hey, how do we know we can trust you anyway? I mean, all of a sudden you just show up, and we're supposed to suddenly, like, be the best of friends?"
"Well, I did save your lives."
"No you didn't," Julie replied. "I saved their lives."
"No, I saved their lives. I used my super bunny power to stop the evil French teacher."
Julie glared. "Excuse me, but who is the leader here?"
"I'm the temporary leader!" Mallory piped up.
"Sailor Unico, be quiet!" Sailor Moo said. "This is between me and her." She glared again at Vanessa. "I saved their lives."
"Actually, neither one of you saved us," Valerie cut in. "I mean, the B*tch got away, didn't she?"
Julie narrowed her eyes and Valerie swallowed nervously and step back. She didn't want to trigger the wrath that was Sailor Moo. Whenever she gets angry her eye starts to twitch and the vein in her neck bulges . . . then her head kind of gets all spastic. It's fairly frightening.
The Prince cleared his throat. "You needn't worry about Sailor Ecco. She is one of you."
"You mean, a 'Sailor Sushi?'
"That's 'Sailor Senshi,'" Mallory corrected.
Niki rolled her eyes. "Damn it! That's what I meant."
"You're such a moron," Bob said. "Ouch!" She cried out when Vanessa hit her over the head.
"Thanks." Niki smiled at the new senshi.
Valerie stepped forward. "I only have one question for you, Sailor Ecco."
"Do you hate Bob?"
"Um . . . I don't really know her."
"Well, do you think that if you have the bad fortune of having to get to know her, which you probably will, you'll loathe and despise her as much as I do?"
"Um . . . maybe?"
Valerie grinned. "Welcome to the group!"
With the exception of Julie, who felt it was her duty to hate Vanessa (both because she was tall and because she had cool hair), the senshi became fast friends with the rather odd girl. Yet, seeing as how they were all rather odd (with the exception of Bob who was a b*tch and Niki who was just plain weird), Vanessa's oddness really complimented their oddness. Or something like that.
"Let me get this straight," Mallory said after Vanessa had told them a little bit about herself. "Your boyfriend is a cat?"
"That's right." Vanessa held up a rather large black cat. "This is Malcolm. He is my lover."
Valerie made a face. "Has he always been all hairy like that?"
"No. You see, at first he was a human with anthropomorphic abilities such as myself. Unfortunately, he stayed in his animal form for too long."
"If you stay in animal form for too long you stay an animal forever?"
"He exceeded the two-hour limit, which is the only downfall to my super power. He will forever be feline until I can find the messiah."
"You mean Jesus?" Niki wanted to know. For some reason this conversation is starting to sound eerily familiar, she thought to herself.
"No. It's not that kind of messiah."
"There's another kind?"
Vanessa sighed. "Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts, could you explain my mission to them?"
"Of course. Gather round, Sailor Senshi. I have another tale to tell."
The girls all sat in a circle around the Prince.
"Oh boy, here we go again."
"Sailor Psychopath, as your Prince, I demand that you insert your foot into your mouth this instant."
"In order to avoid having to hear the annoying things I'm sure you will say. If you don't want to put your foot in your mouth, then I ask that you close it."
"Well, what good will that do?"
"A closed mouth gathers no feet."
For a few moments all was silent as the senshi stared dumbly at the Prince.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Valerie asked finally.
"Your inferior sophomoric brain makes you incapable of comprehending, much less understanding, the wise and highly intelligently advanced words that so eloquently flow forth from my mouth."
"Wow. You can't just say "you don't get it because you're stupid," can you? You have to go on for like five minutes."
"I was only trying to prove a point."
"And a very good one at that," Julie said as she snuggled closer to the Prince. "These underclassmen are far too unintelligent."
"Wow," Mallory commented sadly. "First we're freshmen, and now we're underclassmen, and who knows what next. We won't ever be considered equal, will we?"
Julie thought for a moment. "No. Probably not."
The Prince sighed. "Julie, dear, I ask that you also remain silent as I am about to begin."
"Whatever you say, my Hunk-of-Burning-Prince," she replied.
Bob rolled her eyes. "And she thinks we're dorks?"
The Legend of the Messiah of Sleep: Part 1
"As I have told you already," The Prince began, "In your original lives, you all died horrible, bloody, grisly deaths. You were then called to be the Guardians of the Moo Princess. However, there were other protectors of the Moo Kingdom as well."
"Yes. For you see, there were four Guardians besides yourselves. They were known as the "Outer Senshi." They protected the Moo Kingdom from outside this world."
"Were they outer because nobody wanted them to be around?"
"Uh . . . no."
Niki didn't seem to hear. "Was it because they didn't shower often and so their stench became so unbearable that they had to be far, far away? I hate people who don't take showers."
"I have you know that I take frequent showers," Niki interrupted. "Or, at least, I try. Sometimes I'll forget and you know, people will say things like "wow, it smells like cow dung," whenever I walk by. And there'd be flies and stuff. Usually by then I would have gotten the hint that I need to take another one."
Valerie pulled her foot out of her mouth. "Are you sure you'd rather listen to her?"
"To be honest, I'd rather not listen to ANY of you." The Prince rubbed his temples. "You're giving me a headache. As I was saying, there are Guardians known as the "Outer Senshi." Sailor Ecco is one of them."
"Was she called to be a senshi like we were?"
"Yes, Sailor Unico. For you see, Sailor Ecco also died a horrible, bloody, grisly death."
Valerie's eyes lit up. "Oh . . . do tell."
"One day in her original life, Vanessa was given a detention for having attempted to jump out the window during an English test."
"Why did you do that?" It just doesn't seem like a reasonable solution, Mallory thought to herself. Oh wait, of course! She's one of us! That automatically makes her insane. What was I thinking?
"Well, you see," Vanessa began. "In my original life, I was somewhat . . . odd."
Niki nodded. "Don't I know the feeling."
"I sometimes heard voices in my head that told me I was a bird."
"You too?" Valerie grinned. "So I'm not the only one!"
Bob slapped her forehead. "Oh brother . . ."
"Because she was lead to believe that she was a bird," The Prince continued, "she attempted to fly out the window. Unfortunately, she wasn't a bird, nor could she fly. Because her painful landing (and screaming) disrupted the class, she was given a detention."
"Aw. Poor Sailor Ecco."
"What are you ex-Freshmen talking about? I feel absolutely no sympathy for her," Julie sniffed. "After all, it's her fault for being a moron."
"Wow. I can feel the love in this room." Mallory rolled her eyes.
"While serving the detention," The Prince continued again, "Vanessa decided to play chess. Somehow (don't ask), during the game, she accidently got a pawn stuck in her nose. She tried to pull it out, and the force of her pull sent her flying into the old, smelly couch, which she flipped over . . . and she somehow managed to drown in a cup of coffee. I'm still not sure how she managed to do that, but she did."
"I think that she wins the award for most pathetic death," Niki said finally, after the awkward period of silence and stares was over.
"No, I'd still have to say that drowning in radioactive unicorn pee is oh so much worse. Mwhahahaha," Valerie laughed hysterically. Everyone but Bob joined in.
"It wasn't radioactive, damn it!" Bob yelled.
"Will your senseless chatter never cease?" Julie yelled out, exasperated. "You would think that as Sailor Senshi, and MY guardians, you might be able to hold an intelligent conversation that had a point every now and then."
"You would think that," Valerie agreed. "But you would be thinking wrong."
The Prince sighed. He seemed to do that a lot around them. "Sailor Ecco has been sent by the greater powers (whoever the hell they are) to help you in your battle. It seems that this great new evil will attempt to raise the messiah of--"
"Will you stop that already!" The senshi yelled at Niki. Bob hit her over the head, causing the other senshi to all hit Bob (not that they needed a reason).
"Sorry. It's a habit." Again with the eerily familiar conversation, Niki thought. What's up with that?
"As I was saying before one of you damn sophomores interrupted me yet again," the Prince said.
"It's what we do best," Valerie said proudly.
"The B*tches 5, under their evil leader, are going to try to awaken the 'Messiah of Sleep', aka: the 'Sleeping Messiah'."
"What a great name." Niki yawned. "It makes me want to take a nap." She laid down on the ground and within seconds was fast asleep.
Mallory raised her hand. "Um . . . if they 'awaken' the 'Sleeping Messiah,' then technically, the Messiah would no longer be sleeping, right?"
"Um . . . that is correct, Sailor Unico."
"Yey!" She cried happily. "I wasn't confused!"
"It seems that according to the legend, the Messiah was born inside someone to remain hidden until the talismans are found and the Holy Milk Pail is complete. If the Holy Milk Pail falls into the hands of evil, the Messiah will awaken and will then proceed to take over the world. Only the "Good" Messiah can stop the evil by gaining control of the Holy Milk Pail and then destroying the Sleeping Messiah."
"Okay, you've lost me. Once again confused." Damn, Mallory thought. And I was so close to not being confused there for a second.
Meanwhile, back in Nakodish (dum dum dum), an evil plot was brewing . . .
Now, one may wonder why the B*tches 5 chose to make the land underneath the 'school for the gifted' in Nakodish their super secret hideout. The answer is simply this:
The B*tches 5 knew that in order to awaken the Sleeping Messiah, they would need to pick a spot where goodness once ruled, but that was now a place of evil. They chose Nakodish because it used to be the location of the Moo Kingdom (yeah, I know, still can't believe that one), but when the Kingdom was somehow mysteriously destroyed (Sailor Psychy still swears that wasn't her fault), it became only Nakodish. Which soon after became a place of evil (don't you hate when that happens?).
Many, many years ago, the B*tches 5 (with help from a wealthy beneficiary who chooses to remain anonymous), built LSMSA so that they could then build a secret lab under the school's cafeteria. They made LSMSA a school for gifted individuals hoping to use the 'quest for knowledge' lure the reincarnations of the Moo People to the school. That was back when they were under the impression that the Sailor Senshi were intelligent people. Since then, they have realized their grave mistake.
"Master," Mrs. Evilb*tchfromhell cried out pitifully. "I have failed."
"SO YOU HAVE," was the evil-voiced reply.
Madame Deatrich looked up from where she was graveling on the ground. The furious (and somewhat frightening) face of Caroline St. Ramen stared back. The evil French teacher cringed and looked away.
"THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE FAILED TO FULFIL YOUR DUTIES, B*TCH #1."
"I realize that, Master, but I--"
"AND SO YOU MUST DIE!" (Mwhahahahaha)
Mrs. Evilb*tchfromhell's eyes widened in fear. "Wait! Please give me another chance!" She begged.
"I HAVE GIVEN YOU SEVERAL OTHER CHANCES ALREADY."
"Yes, but, I was outnumbered, and so I--"
"ENOUGH EXCUSES! THIS SHOULD NOT BE SUCH A DIFFICULT TASK. MUST I REMIND YOU THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH MERE SOPHOMORES HERE?"
"But . . . Sailor Moo is a junior."
"YES, BUT THEY ALL FUNCTION ON THE LEVEL OF FIVE YEAR OLDS!"
Madame Deatrich made a face. "That is true . . ."
"I WILL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE. IF YOU DO NOT SUCCESSFULLY DESTROY THE SAILOR SENSHI, BE WARNED: I WILLSUCCESSFULLY DESTROY YOU!" (Mwhahahahaha)
"Screwed up again, huh B*tchy?"
Madame Deatrich cringed. Great. Now I have to deal with them. She turned to the other B*tches. "What do you want?" Not that I need to ask. I'm pretty sure gloating followed by a round of insults is all they have in mind.
"Well, to be honest, we came here to humiliate you," B*tch #2 responded.
"Humiliation through gloating followed by a round of insults," B*tch #3 explained.
"I kind of figured that. Well, gloat away. I'm in a hurry."
"A hurry to do what? LOSE again?"
Madame Deatrich sniffed. "As a matter of fact, I plan on WINNING this time."
"Oh yeah?" B*tch #4 glared. "How are you going to do that?"
"It's simple, really. The Sailor Senshi have managed to thwart my evil plans merely because they are united as a team."
"And all this time, I thought it was because you're a moron." B*tch #5 smiled sweetly.
Choosing to ignore that unkind (yet true) comment, B*tch #1 continued. "I have created a potion that will turn the senshi against each other. You know as they say: united they stand, divided they fall. Goodbye, fellow B*tches."
B*tch #2 glared as Madame Deatrich turned to go. Hmm! Even if your stupid plan works, I'll make sure it's YOU that falls. HARD. She grinned wickedly.
A few moments later, Madame Deatrich reached her underground office, safe from the prying eyes of the other B*tches. She pulled out a plastic bag with the words "Evil Dividing Potion" printed on the side. She opened the bag, and a wave of green mist poured out, filling the air.
No matter what you do, Sailor Senshi, you will not escape my power. It will poison your minds, filling them with hate. Come morning, friend will be against friend in a battle that will only end when every one of you is destroyed!
Madame Deatrich said a few evil words in French and then watched as the mist circled around the ceiling and then evaporated into nothing. With a satisfied smile, the B*tch once again sealed the bag.
"Mwhahahahaha!" Her evil laugh echoed through out her office long after she left to go join the other B*tches.
Julie sighed. She was back in her dorm room in Nakodish. It seemed that the evil B*tch had given up without a fight.
"Damn it, I really wanted to kick her a$$ pennies," Julie muttered to herself. "It's been too long since my last battle."
A$$ pennies . . .
No! Julie didn't want to think about those. They reminded her of Gerg and Alex. She narrowed her eyes. I didn't even see Gerg when I went back to Loserville! He wasn't around to throw Coke and Peanuts or anything. Of course, The Prince had been there. She brightened a little. That's almost as good.
And Alex . . . Alex . . . Julie still wasn't sure what to think about him anymore. Ever since finding out about his past life as the Fairy and his future life as Alexia, Julie just couldn't look at him the same way. He does still had that cool mechanical pencil . . .
Julie picked up her transportation device and sadly looked at it. I won't admit it out loud, but I kinda missed those stupid freshmen. I was hoping that they'd still worship me, but it's almost like I'm no longer wanted. Mallory's the leader now. And I'm just nobody.
Julie was so deep in thought that she didn't noticed the whiff of green mist that seeped in from under her door. It rose up into the air, filling it with a greenish haze. The haze moved towards the senshi, and it seemed to go right through her, melting into her skin.
Her hand tightened around the transportation device. Mallory . . . It was all her fault! Julie said to herself. She stole the other freshmen from me!
Yes, the evilish voice in her head agreed. Yes. She stole them from you.
Julie's eyes narrowed into slits. And so, she must die!
Mallory grinned at herself in the mirror. Temporary leader! Temporary leader! I'm the temporary leader! She sang over and over in her head. It's still almost too good to be true, and I've been temporary leader for nearly a month now!
Who would have thought that I, only a miserable little freshman last year, would have become the leader of the Sailor Senshi, after reaching sophomore status? I sure never thought it would happen. To think, I'm all that stands between the earth and an almost certain horrifying destruction.
No, this wasn't getting to her head at all.
Mallory skipped over to the bookshelf, pulled a manga out, and then hopped into bed. She almost always read a manga before going to sleep, but tonight she realized she couldn't concentrate. There was something bothering her.
Everything's perfect between all of us . . . or is it?
Mallory put the manga down and tried to think about where there was a problem. Was it Niki? No. Niki sleeps far too frequently to cause problems. Valerie? No. Sure, there was the little obsession with attempting to bite ears and/or heads off, but she has never attacked one of us. Julie's never around, so that leaves . . .
Mallory didn't see the green mist that had oozed out from under her bed. She felt only a slight breeze as it swept through her body. Her hand tightened around the manga.
That was it! Mallory realized. Bob's the one who's always being mean and causing problems! She's tearing my team apart.
Yes, the evilish voice in her head agreed. It's all Bob's fault! She is preventing you from being the best leader you can be!
Mallory's eyes narrowed into slits. And so, she must die!
"I am beautiful."
Bob sighed happily as she ran a brush through her blonde hair. Although at first she didn't like being visible, she had gotten used to it. There are definite advantages, Bob said to herself. Now that I am visible, everyone can appreciate my exquisite, yet natural, good looks.
Bob threw the brush down in disgust. Who am I kidding? They don't appreciate my beauty! She thought for a minute. You know what? It seems like they don't appreciate my grace and charm and many other qualities either!
"I'm practically perfect in every way." Bob knew it was true. So why didn't they treat her like she deserved to be treated?
She picked up her brush and began brushing her hair again. Now that I think about it, they don't treat me very nicely at all! They're always yelling at me and insulting my hair color.
Bob's eyes welled up with tears. I should be enjoying my visibility! Instead, I am practically miserable because I am constantly being humiliated by those inferior beings!
The green mist swirled around Bob as it slowly entered her body. Her hand tightened around the hairbrush.
It all started with her, didn't it? Bob crossed her arms. I was her invisible friend! Her only friend! And then she dumped me to hang out with those moronic other senshi!
Yes, the evilish voice in her head agreed. Valerie is the one who is making your life miserable!
Bob's eyes narrowed into slits. And so, she must die!
Valerie was jumping on her bed. I do love jumping on the bed, Valerie thought happily. It's a lot of fun. Almost as fun as attempting to . . . no, not that much fun. But close.
Valerie fell off the bed. Yelling in pain because she had stubbed her toe, she began hopping around the room. She tripped over her damn bookbag, ran into the wall, stubbed another toe, and then fell to the ground.
That was fun, she thought after the pain had subsided. Let's do it again!
Valerie hopped back on the bed and started jumping again. After a moment, she paused. Hey, you know what I just realized? She asked the voices in her head. I just realized that I'm weird!
JUST realized that?
"Okay, so I've known for a while," Valerie said out loud. "But I just realized that I'm even weirder than I thought I was." She beamed. "Perhaps even the weirdest of all the Sailor Senshi!"
But wait . . . what about Niki?
Valerie made a face. Damn! Knew it was too good to be true. Niki's weirder than I am. That's not fair!
I was so close too . . . Valerie grabbed her bookbag so she could move it out of the way to prevent future tripping. She felt something brush up against her skin. Valerie turned, but she didn't see the green mist as it seeped under her skin.
Hm . . . that was odd. It felt as if . . . Her hand tightened around the straps on her bag. Niki. Niki's odd. She's even odder than me! Valerie glared. But, I want to be the weird one! I DESERVE to be the weird one.
Yes, the evilish voice in her head agreed. You deserve to be the weird one. Niki's all that's standing in your way.
Valerie's eyes narrowed into slits. And so, she must die.
"Oh, Great Walrus," Niki said fearfully. "You look especially ticked off today. What's wrong?"
The Walrus looked away from her. "Niki, every night you have this dream. And every night, the same things are said, and every night I ask you to remember one thing which you immediately forget the next day."
"I'm dreaming?" Niki looked around at the brightly colored world. "So I am! I knew this looked familiar." She paused. "You say I dream the same dream every night?"
"Yes. And EVERY night you forget the ONE thing I ask you to remember."
Niki scratched her head. "Which is . . ."
The Walrus sighed heavily. "That you are the Messiah of--"
"Wait, I'm Je--"
"Don't even say it. NO! For the thousandth time!"
"No what? I didn't even say that I--."
"But you were going to." The Walrus glared at her. Niki took several steps back. He has big claws. And he's not afraid to use them.
"You are the Messiah of Sleep," he explained to her (again). "It is your destiny to turn evil and attempt to destroy the entire world. But first, you must destroy one person!"
"But, she hasn't done anything to me!" Niki made a face. "Okay, well, except for the whole verbal abuse thing, but I deserved it! I was a freshman! You can't expect me to--"
Niki stopped suddenly when a green mist that had been rising up into the air lunged forward into her body. She felt a dark power growing inside her as her eyes began glowing. Her hand tightened around the pencil she was holding for no apparent reason.
Julie . . . Is my enemy, Niki realized.
Yes, the evilish voice in her head agreed. Julie is the leader of the senshi who will ultimately destroy you once your true self has awakened!
Niki's eyes narrowed into slits. And so, she must die!
Vanessa squinted into the fire. She had been doing that for the past two hours, and her eyes had begun aching a while back. But she wouldn't give up. Not until she could make out the pictures that were forming in the flames.
Malcolm crept over to her side and rubbed against her leg. Vanessa reached down to pet the furry back of her unfortunate lover. "I can't do it, Malcolm! I keep trying, but it doesn't work."
Look harder, he replied in her mind. You have the power to see.
"But I can only see what happened yesterday! I can't prophesies the future!"
But you must. An evil power approaches!
"I know that," she agreed. "Something very bad is about to happen."
Madame Deatrich grinned wickedly. It has begun! Farewell, senshi! For tomorrow's day will be your last! "Mwhahahaha!"
Krystina awoke early the next morning to find a surprising site. Julie was missing! Now, whatever could have made her leave before the sun had even dawned? The cat's eyes widened. Oh no! The world must be ending!
The cat jumped on the windowsill and frantically clawed at the window. But the world's not supposed to end for at least another few weeks! When her paws proved incapable of opening the window, she jumped down. I know! I'll use the door!
As fast as she could, Krystina ran outside to go look for Julie . . . where she was almost certain impending doom awaited.
Julie glared at the others who had all gathered out in the darkened street. The street lights still burned bright, seeing as how the moon was still hanging in the sky. This better be worth getting up so early. I need my beauty sleep.
"Leave!" Julie demanded. "This is between me and Mallory!"
Mallory sniffed. "This has nothing to do with you, Julie! I came here for Bob!"
Bob glared. "Sorry, but you'll just have to wait till I finish with Valerie!"
Valerie snorted. "Ha! Like I'd waste my precious time with you! I came here to make sure Niki never does an odd thing ever again!"
Niki's eyes glowed. "Julie must die!"
"Wait!" Krystina yelled from the other side of the street. "Don't you see what's going on? Something has turned you against each other!"
"Stay out of this cat!" Julie yelled. She pulled out Alex's cool mechanical pencil.
"MOO PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!"
The other senshi pulled out their rhomberrys.
"UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
"24601 RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
"PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
"UNKNOWN RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
Just as Vanessa had said, the senshi were highly surprised when they transformed.
"Hey! We're not naked any more!" Valerie cried out happily.
"Yeah! We're wearing nude leotards, though," Mallory commented. (Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?)
"Still better than being naked," Bob said.
"Excellent!" Niki cheered.
They all glared at each other.
After transforming, the six ex-friends stood in a circle, randomly glaring and making mean facial expressions at each other.
Julie turned to Mallory. "Let's see if your new powers can hold up against my slinky!"
"MOO SLINKY--SURROUND!" Julie yelled. The slinky shot forward. Mallory leaped out of the way, and it crashed into a nearby tree. Julie cursed.
Instead of fighting back, Mallory turned her attention to Bob. "Hey, blondie! When I'm through with you, you won't be able to move--much less do anything mean, ever again!"
Mallory closed her eyes and the star on her forehead glowed brightly. A unicorn horn sprouted from the glowing star. She rose up into the air and began spinning around. "BUTTERFLY EARTHQUAKE!" She screamed.
Bob's eyes widened as the ground beneath her feet began to shake. A long crevice split the earth in two and thousands of tiny, pink butterflies flew from the opening. Bob screamed as the mob of butterflies viciously attacked her.
Mallory jumped up and down. "I did it! I did it! I killed Bob!" Her celebration was short lived as Julie's slinky shot out again. This time it trapped her within its coils. "Oh no!" Mallory yelled when she realized that her butterflies had stopped the attack when her concentration had been broken. "I didn't kill Bob!"
"Bob's the least of your worries." Julie grinned as she moved in for the kill.
Meanwhile, Valerie, intent on destroying Niki, decided to attack her with a round of insults. She thought that maybe she could not only physically damage her, but emotionally damage her as well (something she picked up in therapy). Niki, although she had no quarrel with Valerie, insulted her right back.
"I may be psychotic, but at least I'm not sleeping with an invisible man!" Valerie yelled at Niki.
"He's not invisible, he's NON EXISTENT!" Niki yelled back. "And yeah, I AM sleeping with him! But at least I'm not sexually excited by low-fat cheese!"
Valerie glared at her. "I am NOT sexually excited by--" she paused. "Okay, maybe a little." She clenched her fists. "Well at least when I'm upset I don't get all whimpy and go crying to my loving family!"
Niki rolled her eyes. "My mother's a hunchback, my father's a drunkard, my brother's a dwarf, and my sister's a whore. I have no loving family!"
"You don't have a sister either," Valerie pointed out.
"Well . . . if I did, she'd be a whore!" Niki shot back.
The insulting thing's getting old, Valerie thought. Let's get right to the point! Screaming at the top of her lungs, Valerie charged at Niki. "I'LL BITE YOUR EARS OFF!"
Jumping back to avoid being trampled, Niki realized that enough was enough. Even though I don't really want to kill her . . . the time has come for me to release my power.
Niki closed her eyes and leaped into the air. "WALRUS PEPRALLY!" From out of nowhere, a flag pole appeared and she began spinning it. As she spun it faster and faster, more flags, all held by tiny walruses, flew out of the sky (along with green jello--there's always green jello). The walruses began dancing around with their flags. "If you usurp the sirop, there'll be no syrup to slurp!" they cheered.
Valerie watched, astounded, as one walrus attempted to do a split, only he had no legs. After several minutes, the peprally faded into nothing.
"Wow," she said finally. "That was odd." Valerie smirked. "But not much of a power, was it?"
Niki nodded. "I admit. It won't hurt the bad guys very much." She grinned. "But it was so kawaii!"
Valerie's smirk faded and her face darkened. "This doesn't change anything, you realize. I still must kill you!"
Valerie sat on the ground and folded her legs. As she closed her eyes she began humming the all powerful word, 'OM'. Slowly, she began floating above the ground, glowing a pale greenish color. Her eyes opened and she raised her arms "RABID LEMMINGS, MEDITATION!"
"Rabid . . . say what?" Niki wanted to know.
A bolt of lightening flashed, and a whirlpool opened up in the sky. From the whirlpool, dozens of lemmings poured out, all walking in single file. When Valerie raised her arms again, their calm demeanor changed drastically. White foam speckled at the corner of their mouths as they all growled. As one creature, they lunged forward.
Valerie's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait!" she yelled. "You're going the wrong way!"
"Uh oh," Mallory said again. Julie's coming and she looks kinda scary. She bit her lip. I have this feeling that she wants to kill me, but maybe we can talk it over . . .
Julie approached slowly. Mallory was still trapped beneath the slinky. She sighed. It might have been a little more fun if she had put up more of a defense. It was almost too easy.
"Mallory!" Julie called.
"Yes?" came the meek reply. Mallory closed her eyes.
"Prepare to--" Julie started screaming.
This can't be good. As much as she didn't want to, Mallory opened her eyes, only to see Julie being attacked by rabid lemmings. What the . . .