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Pretty Soldier Sailor Moo E

Hi! It's me again! Everybody's favorite short-skirted superhero, Sailor Moo! ^.^ Along with those other, less important senshi; Sailor Unico, Sailor 24601, Sailor Psychy and Sailor Unknown (they said if I didn't mention them, they'd hurt me), I defeated our great enemy, Mr. Mister. But my story isn't over yet. It seems that an even greater evil is forming in Nakodish where the Old Moo Kingdom used to be. And it's up to me -- I mean, US to stop it!

Now begins 'Pretty Soldier Sailor Moo E' (meaning 'Endless'). Like it will never end. It will keep going. On and on. Forever. Much like that damn, annoying pink bunny we all know and love. Anyway, things have changed. The Sailor Team is no longer together.

The others, all sophomores now (woo hoo), are still fighting evil in Loserville while I have relocated to Nakodish in order to learn about my past while attempting to save the world from our new evil.

But, don't fear! Due to the technological advantages of the 21st century, we, the Sailor Senshi, are able to transport anywhere around the world! That's right. So, when the battle arrives, we will be there together to save the world again! ^^

Okay, stop it. ~_~ You don't need to pray, so stop it. Seriously, you can trust us. Okay, now you're laughing at me. I don't like it when people laugh at me. Look, just enjoy the damn story, okay? Or at least pretend. I will return. ^.^

Episode 8: "Premonition Of The World's End. A New Soldier Appears"

"We're not freshmen anymore!" Niki and Mallory sang gleefully as they danced around in circles. It was the day before the first day of the new school year, and the sailors were gathered in Valerie's bedroom.

"Whoopie!" Valerie added as she hopped up and down. "Whoopie!"

"It's almost too wonderful to be true," Bob commented with tears in her eyes. The other three girls rolled their eyes. "What? Technically, I was a freshman."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to suffer through the misery that is freshmen year," Valerie said. "I mean, we actually survived that. Like, passed and everything."

"Which was quite an accomplishment for me," Niki said.

Mallory was confused. "Why's that?"

"Because I racked up a total of 137 tardies and 43 absentees." She smiled. "I'm so proud."

"And they PASSED you?"

"Weird, huh? I think it's because the teachers really didn't want to be stuck with me again. I don't blame them. They've heard enough things about Kevin to be afraid of me. I tried to explain to them that he's adopted so it CAN'T run in the family, but they wouldn't listen."

"I can't believe Julie's gone . . ." Valerie said sadly. "How can we fight evil without our leader?"

"It's not like she's dead or anything." Niki looked around. "Right? She's not, is she? I didn't miss something, did I?"

"She's alive. Although she's in hell as we speak."

"Yes. That's right." Krystina hopped up onto Mallory's shoulder. "Julie and I both agreed that something evil is brewing in Nakodish. We decided that it would be hard to fight the evil unless we knew what exactly was going on. Julie is now posing as a student at LSMSA, the School for the Gifted, in order to keep a close eye on some suspicious characters."

"School for the Gifted? How did Julie end up there?" Bob asked. "Ow," she added when first Valerie, then Niki, then Mallory, threw pillows at her.

"It's not the school for the gifted, it's the school for 'special'' people," Valerie explained. "Question!" Mallory raised her hand. "Exactly how are we supposed to keep in touch with Julie? I mean, she is like a hundred miles away."

"That's what I was going to tell you." Krystina jumped down and ran over to the other side of the room to a cloth-covered pile. She removed the cloth, revealing four different colored watches. "I have these for you."

"Oh wow!" Valerie breathed, her eyes wide. "Are those the Rugrats talking watches? I've been wanting one for so long!"

"I want one too!" Niki cried.

"Don't be ridiculous. These are communicator watches. They're so you can communicate with Sailor Moo."

"Damn. No talking babies?"

"Of course not." Krystina picked up the watches in her teeth and brought them closer for the senshi to inspect them. "They may look like ordinary watches, but they are really high-tech, super powered computers.

"Does it have internet access?" Valerie shrugged when the others stared at her. "What? I was just wondering."

All you do is press one of these buttons to get in contact with either Sailor Moo or each other. Sailor 24601 is the light blue button, Sailor Unico is pink, etc."

"How come I'm light blue?"

"Because it's the color of your skirt."

"So, does that mean that I'm purple?" Bob asked.

"No, honey. Your skirt is orange," Mallory explained.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

Bob crossed her arms. "But I don't like orange."

"No one cares. So shut up."

Bob stuck out her tongue at Mallory. Niki started to cry.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm just happy," she replied. "Mallory told Bob to shut up."


"Well, she's even started to curse. Sometimes." Niki wiped her eyes. "I'm so proud."

"Anyway, as I was saying," Krystina cleared her throat. "When you make contact with the person you are trying to reach, they will appear on the little screen. Just talk into it and they will be able to hear you. Got it?"

The four senshi nodded in unison.

"On to the next business. Now, I decided that in Julie's absence, one of you needs to become the temporary leader, at least until she returns. The one I have chosen is Sailor-- "

"Thank you, thank you," Bob said as she took a little bow, cutting Krystina off. "I know that I'm the best choice, but you really shouldn't have."

"Good. Because I didn't."


"Sailor Unico, if you agree to take on the responsibility, you are the new leader."

"Really?" She beamed. "Thanks. But, why me?"

"Well, it seemed like Niki would rather sleep than hold a position of importance."

"That's true," Niki mumbled as her eyes closed and she laid back on the bed to take a nap.

"And Valerie just doesn't seem stable enough . . ."

Valerie nodded. "You're probably right.

"What about me?" Bob whined.

"Incase you haven't noticed yet, nobody likes you," Valerie replied. Bob glared at her.

"That's enough!" Krystina screeched. She pointed to a calculator-looking thingie that was lying on the floor. "Mallory, that is for you to protect. It is a teletransporter. When you turn it on, you, and whomever you are with will be transported to any location you specify."

"Coolness in a jar."

"As you know," the cat continued. "Tomorrow is the first day of school, but it is also the beginning of a new mission!"

Julie sighed as she leaned back in her chair, her gaze focused on the people milling around in the cafeteria. She was supposed to be checking the cafeteria for suspicious-looking people who might be involved in evil plans for taking over the world. But, this was a school for the gifted. Everyone looked like they were psychopaths with aspirations for world domination. Hey, that rhymed. Sort of.

Boring, boring, she sang over and over in her head. My life sucks goat.

Julie sighed again. She looked down at her wrist to the communicator watch she had put on that morning. Maybe I could call my little freshmen . . . oh wait, no, they aren't freshmen anymore. Damn. "Now who is going to obey my every command?" she wondered out loud.

"I will."

Startled by the voice from behind her, Julie leaped up from her chair and spun around. "Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff!" She cried out. Why doesn't he DIE??!!

"Yes, it is me."

"What are you doing here?"

"Here, I am a student known as Jeff Karollo."

"The car?"

"No. KarollO, not CarollA."

"Right." Why does that sound so familiar . . . Julie gasped as she reached out to grab onto the chair to support her suddenly weak legs. No, it couldn't be!

"You're not by any chance . . . related to Alex?" She managed to choke out.

"I'm his brother."

The world as I know it is about to come to a crashing end. Julie swallowed, trying to clear her spinning head. Not Alex . . . "But . . . how? I don't understand."

"Well, you see, one night, our parents got really drunk," he explained. "And then--"

"No!" Julie cut him off. "I mean, HOW? You're big, and ugly, and scary, and evil, and Alex is . . ."

"Really cool," he finished. "So I've heard." Jeff shrugged. "Look, I was just wondering if we could be friends or something."

"Friends?!" Julie squeaked. "You tried to kill me!" Several times, I might add.

"I know. But, when you had the chance to kill me, you didn't. I feel like I owe you my life. And, there's a way I can repay you."

Julie looked at him suspiciously. "How's that?"

He grinned wickedly. "With information."

Niki yawned sleepily as she pulled on her really cool black shirt (which was really too small to be considered a shirt) and hopped into bed. Bullet, her rather large black cat, was already curled up on top of the covers. After petting him for several minutes while telling him he was the 'cutest kitty in the whole world' and that she loved him, Niki fell asleep.

And then, she dreamed.

Niki found herself once again transported into the bright, magical world from that video game she was obsessed with. I dream about this place every night, she thought. And yet, I never remember it when I wake up. How odd. Once again, she trudged down the same path, seeking out the wonders that lay before her.

The Walrus was waiting for her.

"Hey! Wassssssssssup," she said, in an attempt at being cool.

"There is no time for that now," he replied gravely. "Your time here is short."

"Okay . . . so, what do you want?"

"Niki, what have you longed for more than anything?" (He's asked her this before, and she still gets it wrong)

"To be fat like you, all -- "

"No!" He interrupted. "World domination, remember?"

Niki slapped her forehead. "Oh right. I keep forgetting."

Much to Niki's delight, the Walrus waddled closer. She thought he was really cool when he waddled. "Niki, what I am about to tell you, you must remember. Do you understand?"

"Oh . . . yeah, sure. Whatever," she replied, not paying attention.

He sighed. "What did I just say?"

"Um . . . I forget."

The Walrus rolled his eyes. "This is of the utmost importance! Please pay attention!"

"I'll try."

"The end of the world is near. A foul plan to take over the world is forming, and you are at the center of it!"

"How come I don't know about this if I'm at the center of it?"

"Be quiet," he commanded. "Right now, you believe that you are Sailor 24601, but that is all you know. As Sailor 24601, you have no power, but that is not your true identity."

"It's not?"

"No. You are really the Messiah of-- "

"I'm Jesus?" That's kind of . . . interesting.

"Not that messiah! You are Mistress 13, the Sleeping Messiah, the Bringer of the End of the World. In a secret laboratory in Nakodish, there are several evil beings, much like Mr. Mister, who are trying to bring to life Pharaoh 130, the greatest evil that ever was. Under Pharaoh 130's command, your inner self will 'awaken,' and your power will emerge."

"Wait, (in the words of Sailor Unico), I'm confused. If I'm really this big evil, then how come I'm fighting with the good guys?"

"That was all a clever trap set by Pharaoh 130. The Sailor Senshi would never suspect, much alone destroy, their own friend, would they?"

"Good point."

As Niki listened, the Walrus told her more about what was going to happen. But just when he was about to finish, Niki felt a haziness surround her. As if from far away, she heard a cat meow as her alarm clock rang. She felt herself being pulled away from the Great Walrus and the dream realm she was in.

"You are waking up!" He yelled after her. "You must remember what I have told you! Don't forget! Don't forget!"

Niki awoke to find Drosselmeyer sucking on her hair. Damn cat, she thought. But he's just so cute . . . "I love you, Drosselbear," she cooed. "You're the cutest kitty in the whole world."

When Niki finally dragged herself out of bed, she vaguely remembered she had dreamed that night. Something about a walrus, sleeping, and the end of the world . . . Oh yeah, and something about not forgetting . . .

Too late now, she shrugged as she left to catch the bus.

It was the first day of school, and scary but true, Valerie was happy. Yey! Another year with Mr. McDoormat, the coolest English teacher ever! This is gonna be great, she thought as she walked into her new third hour class. She waved to Niki who was already in her seat. This was the one class she never slept through.

Niki waved back, beckoning Valerie over. "I'm so happy! I'll never have to do English work ever," she said gleefully.

"Wait . . . there's something wrong with this picture." Valerie looked around. "Hey! Where's the posters? And the couch? And Mr. McDoormat's desk? Where are they?!!" She cried out, alarmed.

"Wow . . . I hadn't even noticed they were gone." Niki saw Mr. McDoormat in the corner of the classroom, stuffing a mound of papers into a large, ugly bag. "What's going on?"

Mr. McDoormat looked up. "Ah, Miss. Reneir, didn't you know?"

"Know what?"

He shook his head, making tsking noises. "Always behind the rest of the crowd, eh Miss. Reneir? I have tenure."

"You have a tumor?"

Mr. McDoormat chuckled. "No, Miss. Champain, not a tumor. I'm leaving."

"You're leaving?" Valerie's eyes were wide with shock. "Why?"

"I decided I'd much rather go kayaking in the Tchefuncte River while learning how to become a Spanish teacher, than sitting around here doing nothing."

"But . . . doing nothing is fun. I like nothing. Nothing is good."

"Well, Miss. Reneir, I can't guarantee that the new teacher will like nothing that much."

"New teacher? Oh no!"

"Don't worry," he replied as he picked up the overstuffed bag and headed for the door. "I'm sure she's not as bad as they say she is." He opened the door, and as he was leaving, he turned back. "Goodbye, Miss. Champain, Miss. Reneir. May you share my last words with the world. Como como? Como como como. Como no."

And with that, he was gone.

"New teacher?" Valerie said again. "This is bad. I have a very bad feeling. Look, I'm hyperventilating."

"I'm afraid," Niki added.

"You should be."

The two turned to see Uulong Attar standing there, a bloody pencil in one hand. He enjoyed killing things with pencils. He took a step closer, his eyes wild.

Crying out in fear, Valerie jumped behind Niki and pushed her forward. "Kill her instead! Kill her!"

"I don't want to kill anyone." Niki sighed with relief. "That's what she does."

"What do you mean . . . 'she'?"

"The new teacher. She's . . ." Uulong couldn't seem to finish. Normally, he was fairly psychotic, but that was fear in his eyes, not psychoticness. (Or so they hoped).

"She's . . .?"

"EVIL," he finished.

"Oh . . . is that all?"

"You don't understand . . ." He swallowed as he looked around nervously, like he was making sure no one was watching. "She makes you . . . do work," he whispered.

"No! Not work! Anything but that!" Niki yelled.

"That's not all. If you don't do your work . . ." He leaned in closer. "She rips your heart out. And eats it. In front of your face."

"Cool! I mean . . . not cool," Valerie said quickly. "Very bad."

"I think I hear her coming!" Uulong whispered. "But, remember. We were all going to die soon anyway." With that, he was gone.

"Why do those supposedly comforting words not make me feel better?"

Niki didn't respond. She just shook her head slowly from side to side. "We're doomed."

Mallory was happy. Why shouldn't she be? After all, Krystina picked her to be the temporary leader. Everything was going great. In fact, it would have been a perfectday if a certain somebody would stop throwing acorns at her . . .

"For the last time, will you PLEASE stop it?" Malloy begged. "'Cause, you know, it's kind of annoying."

"I'm sorry." The acorns ceased their flights.

Mallory looked over to Gerg who was sitting at the picnic table, a look of misery on his face. It's so weird seeing him around . . . I mean, he IS Tuxedo Dego. Look at him . . . all sad and alone. Poor guy.

"I miss Julie," he said mournfully.

"Yeah . . . "

"No, I mean I really miss her."

"Yeah, you said that." Many times, in fact.

"You don't understand. I REALLY miss her."

If he says that one more time . . . Mallory smiled through clinched teeth. "How about we talk about something else?"

"That's futile. There's nothing worth talking about but my Julie . . ."

"Well, I have you know that I was named temporary leader in Sailor Moo's absence," Mallory told him proudly.

"Sailor Moo . . . is Julie!" Gerg buried his head in his hands. "Why do I continue this mad existence?" He cried out melodramatically. "There is no reason to live unless Julie is here!" He looked up. "Tell me, do you happen to have a long rope and a ladder?"

Oh boy. I have a feeling I'm gonna be here a while.

Jeff sighed impatiently. He was ready to share his knowledge of evil things with Julie right there in the cafeteria, but she seemed to be preoccupied. He looked over and saw Julie busily smashing the peas into her mashed potatoes while trying to build a fortress with her mystery meat and fries. Just like a child . . . she disgusts me.

Jeff cleared his throat. "Are you done yet?"

"No! The pea army will not conquer my kingdom again!" Julie looked up at Jeff who was glaring at her. "Oh . . . um . . . yeah. Sorry."

"As I was saying, the center of their evil operation is under "The Valley."

"The who?"

"The Valley. It is their evil secret codename for the 'cafeteria'."

"Ah. Okay, so if we know where the evil secret lab is, why don't we just go there now and like . . . blow it up or something?" (That would, of course, be the sensible thing to do)

"It could be a trap! You must be careful."

"Why do you care?" Please don't say that you're madly in love with me. I'm screwed up enough as it is.

"It's because I'm madly in love with-- "

Don't say it!

"Your daughter. If something happens to you, then my darling Alexia and I will not be able to be together in the future."

"Ah right," Julie nodded.

"Anyway, as I was saying. The evil laboratory that is under The Valley is headed by the "B*tches 5."

"It is?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, I do not yet know their identities. It is your job to find out who, or what, they are." Jeff looked at Julie. "Understand?"

"Sure. Whatever." Julie got up from the table. "I'm gonna go try to annoy my roommate now. Talk to you later."

Jeff got up and followed Julie out the door.

"Do you think I can play with your Platinum Nintendo 2064?"

"Go to hell."

"Been there, done that."

A short time later, deep underground in their hidden laboratory, a meeting was called to order. A scary-looking woman stood at a podium surrounded by a dozen other people in various degrees of ugliness. The B*tches 5 were secretly preparing for the coming of the great evil.

The woman cleared her throat to get the others' attention. "As you all know," she said into the microphone. "We, the B*tches 5 (and Company), are secretly preparing for the coming of the great evil. Under the direction of our newest leader, I just know that we will finally succeed in our plans for world domination!"

She paused and smiled as there was a slight scatter of applause.

"And I, Madame Deatrich, volunteer to be the first of our illustrious organization to go into battle against our enemies, The Moo People." She paused again, waiting for some form of congratulations. When none came, she continued. "And, uh, now I would like to give a few details as to how I plan on destroying the Sailor Senshi."

"Oh please," one girl muttered. "She's so full of herself. Like she has any chance of defeating anyone!"

"Yeah," another girl whispered in agreement. "She's only on Level 2. How pathetic is that? I'm already at Level 37 and I'm about to be promoted," she said proudly.

The first girl nodded. "Same here. Besides, she can't even speak good French."

The four senshi were unusually quiet as they trudged slowly home from school later that day. Even Bob had nothing to say.

Mallory glanced worriedly over to Niki and Valerie. Ever since lunch period they've been acting all funny and depressed. I wonder if something happened. "Are you guys okay?" she asked.

"Okay?" Valerie repeated. "Not okay."

"Bad. Very bad," added Niki.

"But, why?"

"McDoormat . . . gone."

"New teacher . . ."

"Scary . . . makes do work."

"Rips heart out and then eats it. In front of your face . . ."

Mallory shook her head. "Okay . . . um, thanks for clearing that up for me." What are they talking about? She wondered.

But, Mallory had little time to think. At that moment, something large flew out from behind a clump of bushes. Aimed right for the Sailor Senshi!

Julie was bored. Again. Something about Nakodish did that to people. She was sitting on the floor in her little dorm room, watching Jeff as he quickly skimmed pages of an ancient-looking leather bound book. He had insisted to following her up there even though she still refused to have him so much as look at her Platinum Nintendo 2064.

"What are you doing?" She asked the ugly guy as she yawned quietly.

"This is a volume that dates back to the early times in human evolution. 1984 to be exact. It's an account of events involving a group of people who followed an evil they called Pharaoh 130."

"Okay . . . so?"

"Unfortunately for them, it looks like their plans were thwarted by a group of people claiming to be warriors of good. I believe that the B*tches 5 wish to raise the Pharaoh to take over the world, just as these people did. I was hoping that I could find some information about . . ." His voce trailed off. "Oh dear God," he said quietly.


Jeff held up the book and pointed to a faded picture. "That was their leader."

Julie didn't know why he was acting all freaked out. She scrutinized the picture. It looked so familiar . . . "Oh no!"

"You recognize this face of evil as well?"

"Yes! It's Caroline St. Ramen!"

"Duck!" Mallory screamed as the thing flew towards the four girls. Bob and Valerie both leaped to the ground as Niki looked up.

"Where?" But it was no duck that flew at Niki and hit her squarely, knocking her down. She yelled out in pain and confusion. "Ah! Get the duck off of me!"

"It's not a duck!"

"But you said . . ."

"It's a pig!"

Valerie shook her head, amused. "When pigs fly. Ha ha."

"It's not that funny," Niki said crossly as she got up off the ground.

"Oh no!" Bob said. "Look what you've done!"

Niki looked over to the crumpled form of the pink animal. "It's not MY fault! I'm not the one who came flying in, trying to kill it!"

"Uh oh." Valerie said, her eyes wide.


"Looks like we've got more company."

"Not Caroline St. Ramen! (Dum dum dum).

"Yes! Caroline St. Ramen! (Dum dum dum).

Julie stared at Jeff, an expression of terror and surprise on her face. "So that's why she made it into this school! She's the leader of their secret organization! I knew there was no way she was a gift-head!"

"Do you realize what this means?"

"Does it mean that because she's evil, I can kill her now?" Julie asked hopefully.

"No! I saw Caroline leave this morning." Jeff's voice was serious. "She said she was going back to Loserville."

"But that means . . ."

"Yes. Your friends may be in great danger!"

"I've got to warn them!"

"Where's the pig?" An evil-sounding voice cackled. The senshi turned and saw a figure standing on the other side of the road.

Niki raised her arm to shield her eyes from the sun. "Why does that voice remind--"

"Oh no!" Valerie gasped. "It's her!"

"Who?" Bob asked.

"Mrs. Evilb*tchfromhell!"

"Wait! I'm confused!" Mallory cried out.

The figure stepped closer, revealing to the near-sighted senshi her true identity.

"It is I, Madame Deatrich!" She yelled. "I came for the pig, but I think it's about time I wipe you pathetic Moo People off the face of the earth!"

"That's not going to happen today!" Mallory shot back. "At least . . . I don't think so."

"Quickly, everyone!" Bob raised her rhombus-shaped transformer into the air. "Let's transform!"





After they were done spinning around naked, the senshi turned to face their new enemy.

"Be prepared to die!" Madam Deatrich warned the newly-transformed sailors."

Bob rolled her eyes. "Ohh . . . I'm so scared!"

"Well, you should be!"

"I don't think she got the sarcastic part," Mallory whispered.

"Well, duh," Niki said. "That's because she's stupid."

"Yeah! She's a French person-wannabe! That's even worse than actually being French."

Madame Deatrich was obviously not listening. "I might be willing to spare your life," she bargained. "If you hand over the pig!"

"Would you want it dead?" Niki asked. "'Cause I think I killed it."

"What could you possibly want to do with a pig?" Valerie shook her head. "Never mind, don't answer that."

"Hey . . . can I eat it?"

"Niki, you're Jewish!" Mallory reminded her.

"So, what's your point?"

"Remember what happened the last time you ate ham? The whole lights going off thing?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that."

"Hey . . . guys?" Bob eyes widened as she pointed to the pig. "Look!"

The pig stirred as it started glowing a bright yellow. The pink animal rose into the air and spun around as it began transforming into a human form. As the sailors stared, dumbfounded, before their eyes stood a girl where the pig had been.

She smiled at them. "Hi! I'm Sailor Ecco!"


SMoo Randomness:
Valerie: The whole impaling thing totally reminds me of Niki. I wish she were here with a fishing pole sticking through her chest. Then I wouldn't have to die alone.