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Episode 6: "Mr. Mister Appears. The Great Battle Begins"


Mallory groaned. "Not again."

RA smiled. "Yes. We are back! And where Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff has failed, we will succeed!"

"Mwhahahaha." MC added.

Julie just rolled her eyes. "Fine. I don't care. As long as I can actually kill somebody."

"That's what I always say," Valerie said.

Bob nudged Niki who was leaning against her, sleeping. "Wake up! Hello? It's not over yet!"

Niki batted Bob's hand away. "C'mon Mr. Walrus, just five more minutes," she said sleepily.

"Mr. WALRUS?" Bob yelled out in anger. "Are you saying I'm FAT?"

"Don't take her seriously," Mallory assured Bob. "She doesn't make any sense when she's tired."

"Or when she's awake," Valerie said simply.

Krystina jumped up onto Julie's head so she could be at eye level with the others. "We have a battle to fight! You can't just sit there talking. Can't you freshmen do anything?"

Julie smiled proudly. "That's my cat." She patted Krystina's head. "Here, have a cookie."

Mallory was hurt. "I don't appreciate it when you use the fact that we're freshmen against us! You act like freshmen are pathetic!"

Julie shrugged. "It's the truth."

"Sailor Moo is right" RA and MC stepped closer, grinning evilly. "You can't do anything yourselves!"

"Yes we can!" Niki shot back indigently. "I think."

"I'd like to see you try," MC laughed.

Bob glared. "Then try us."

RA glared back. "Fine. We challenge you. The two of us against you four without Sailor Moo."

"No problem. I'll just go hang out somewhere else." Julie turned and walked to where Alexia was sitting by the still unconscious Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, his head in her lap.

Julie grimaced. "Never mind, I'll go this way." She saw a bench conveniently located nearby, and sat down to enjoy the show.


"Aren't those odds a little unfair?" Mallory asked. "I mean it's four to two, we're sure to win." MC and RA started laughing. "Why are you laughing? Wait . . . I'm confused."

"We're laughing because you freshmen think that you can actually beat us." MC laughed harder. "It's hilarious!"

"Oh yeah? How funny do you think this is?" Valerie raised her arms in the air. "PSYCHOTIC -- SCREAM!" As she yelled, a bolt of lightening struck the earth, sending shock waves through the ground. MC and RA covered their ears and fell to their knees. "Mwhahahaha," Valerie said. "Who's laughing now?"

The two stood up. "We're impressed. But, it's going to take more than that to stop us."

Now it was Niki's turn. "Fine. Try this on for size." She started spinning in circles. MC and RA just stared at her, not sure what she was about to do. "GROWTH STUNT!" She finally yelled. Two blobs of green jello flew out of the air above where she had been spinning around.

"What is it with her and green jello?" Valerie asked. Mallory shrugged.

The blobs landed on MC and RA. Before their eyes, the two started shrinking. "Mwhahahaha," Niki said. "Now you know what it's like to be short!" (Shouldn't that be Julie's power? ^_^)

MC and RA started chanting and the green jello melted. Slowly, they returned to normal size. "Well, well, it looks like we underestimated you. It's time for us to show our real power!" The four senshi shrunk back in fear. "BIG SCARY SOPHOMORIC ATTACK!"

Four balls of fire shot out and struck the soldiers. They fell to the ground. As the fire started draining their life, they struggled to stand up.

"Ah!" Bob screamed.

"Losing . . . energy," Niki stuttered. "Can't move . . ." Niki yawned. "Must . . . lay down . . ." She fell asleep.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Valerie yelled.

As the others fought to break free and lost, MC and RA just laughed. Mallory, unnoticed by them, had escaped and was sneaking behind MC, ready to attack. Without warning, the star on Mallory's forehead began to glow as a horn sprouted. "THE SEA IS ALWAYS GOOD!" She screamed.

A huge wave of sparkling blue water shot out, completely soaking MC and RA. Furious, they turned to Mallory, their concentration on draining the energy, lost. Relieved, the senshi stood up, their energy restored.

Valerie noticed the horn on Mallory's forehead and was about to say something perverted about being horny, but she stopped herself. It wouldn't be nice. After all, she did just save our lives. Valerie thought for a moment. I'll tell her later.

Mallory was surrounded. She had backed up into a wall as MC and RA crept closer, ready to pounce. Someone please help. She closed her eyes, ready for death when she heard, "INVISIBLE SHOCK!" That could be a good sign.

Mallory opened her eyes to see Bob standing over the figures of MC and RA. "Hah! I defeated them!" She said, triumphantly. "Nobody messes with Sailor Unknown."

As Bob turned to go tell the others so they could congratulate her and finally admit that she was the best, MC stood up again.

"It's not over yet!" RA yelled. The two grabbed hands. "DOUBLE BIG SCARY SOPHOMORIC ATTACK!"

Nothing happened.

"Sh*t," RA said.

"You think the batteries ran out?" MC wondered.

"No." RA hung her head. "It's gone. They took our power."

"You mean . .. we were defeated by FRESHMEN?"

"Yes." The two turned to go.

"Hey!" Valerie yelled. "Where are you two going?"

"We are going to die."

"Wait, I'm confused."

MC sighed. "We were defeated by freshmen."

"Therefore, we must go kill ourselves. To end the shame," RA explained.

"It's the right thing to do." The freshmen looked at Julie. "What? If you guys had defeated me, I would have willingly ended my life rather than have lived with the embarrassment."

Niki nodded. "I understand."

"I'm still confused," Mallory mumbled to herself as they walked away.


With Sailor Moo at their side, the four soldiers (badly bruised) hobbled over to where Krystina sat. "You did well," the cat commented.

"WELL?" Valerie echoed. "It took all four of us to beat them!"

"Whatever," Bob replied. "I totally beat them all by myself."

"You are such a blonde!" Valerie shot back.

"Oh yeah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Valerie's right, Krystina," Mallory said. "We barely survived."

"Yeah! And Julie's got three powers! We only have one each! That's not fair!" Niki yawned. "Oh well, good night." She laid down to take a nap.

"Niki's wrong. You have more than one power each," Krystina explained. "You just have to look inside yourselves."

"Inside ourselves? Isn't that impossible?"

"No! Not in the literal sense. In the . . . the other sense." Krystina walked to Julie who picked her up. "All of you have more power. You just must learn to use it!" She turned to Mallory. "Think, Sailor Unico. What is your power?"

"Um . . ." Mallory thought for a moment. "I get confused a lot?"

"No!" Krystina said. "Your horn!"

"I know! I know!" Julie jumped up. "She's horny, is that it?"

"Hey!" Valerie complained. "You stole my line!" Mallory glared.

"With that horn, you poses psychic powers. Although limited, you have the ability to read the minds of those around you!"

"I do? Hey, that's cool."

Krystina stared at Bob. "Sailor Unknown, before you became a soldier, what were you?"

"Um . . . invisible?"

"Exactly! Use that ability! You became visible, so reverse that to become invisible!"

Bob grinned. "Alright! This could seriously be used to my advantage . . . "

"Sailor Psychy, you-- "

"Shouldn't I have the psychic powers? I mean, my name is Sailor Psychy."

"Well, yes . . . but, your name is short for Sailor Psychopath."

"So . . . I have psychotic powers?"

"Yes . . . well, no," Krystina said. "Your powers have been discovered, but . . . they are not as easy to . . . define as invisibility and the ability to read minds are. You will have to find them on your own."

"Oh . . . okay," Valerie said glumly. She brightened suddenly. "Do you think my powers involve biting peoples' ears off? 'Cause, that'd be cool."

Krystina stared at her. "Um . . . they could . . . " I worry about her sometimes, she thought.

"Yey!"

Julie pointed to the sleeping figure. "What about her?"

Krystina frowned. "Sailor 24601 . . . her powers have not been . . . discovered yet. She just seems to . . . sleep. A lot."

"Hey . . . the power of sleeping. That's gotta be fun."

As the others argued over who's power was better, Julie sat on the ground, staring into space. She was still confused about the whole Gerg/Alexia/Alex thing. She wished that Gerg . . . or even Alex were here right now. She had almost dozed off when a familiar voice awoke her.

"JULIE??!!" Someone said. "Is that YOU?"


Julie gasped and spun around. "ALEX?" She squeaked.

"Julie?" He said again.

"Alex?" She squeaked again.

"Why the f%#k are you dressed like that?"

"How did you know it was me? I'm in disguise."

"You look the f%#king same as you always have. What the f%#k are you doing here?"

Note to self: Get better secret identity. "I'm saving the world. What's yourexcuse?"

"I was taking a walk while contemplating the world's greatest mysteries." Julie stared at him. "What the f%#k's wrong with that?"

"You don't seem the contemplating type," she said simply.

"Yeah . . . well, I can be a f%#king deep person." (Alright, well that sounded bad in a way Julie would think pervertedly)

Julie was about to say something about that when she heard someone approach from behind. She turned to see Valerie.

"ALEX?" Valerie squeaked. "What are you doing here?"

"I was taking a walk. What the f%#k is going on here?" he looked past Valerie to the others who had started to approach.

"We're superheros," Valerie explained.

Alex started backing slowly away. "You people are f%#ked up."

Krystina leaped forward, landing on Alex's shoulder. "You can't leave! Not now that you know who we are!"

"The cat can f%#king TALK?"

"Hey!" Valerie said. "Now that he knows our secret, can we kill him?"

Alex looked from one person to the next. "Will somebody please explain to me what the f%#k is going on?"

And so, they did.


"So, what do you think?" Julie asked after they had briefly tried to explain the entire story of who they were and why they were there.

"I think it's the most f%#ked up thing I have ever heard. And yet . . ."

"And yet . . .?"

"Very cool."

Julie beamed. Alex said we were cool! Alex thinks I'm cool! This is the happiest day of my life! Well . . . except for the whole nearly being killed several times part. The only thing that would make this day better would be if . . . a certain person were to appear, calling my name . . .

"Sailor Moo!" Someone yelled.

Why do I have a feeling that this isn't the certain big, hairy, Itallian guy I wanted to appear?

"Prepare to die!"

That's why.


"Can't you people come up with a new line?" Julie said as she turned to face her opponents. "Be creative. Maybe, "prepare to be blown up into tiny chunks and then fed to the piranhas," or something original. You get the idea."

Professor Smeezer and Bentfence stood there, glaring at Julie. Behind them, loomed a huge, cloaked figure.

"WELL, WELL," The cloaked figure boomed. "WHY, IF IT ISN'T THE LEGENDARY SAILOR MOO? OR SHOULD I SAY-- THE PRINCESS OF THE MOO KINGDOM!"

Julie gulped nervously. There was something about that cloaked figure . . . "Who are you?" She asked.

"I AM MR. MISTER," he replied. "I AM THE ONE WHO WILL KILL YOU."

"I get that a lot," she shot back. "And look, here I am, still standing."

"YES, YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO GLOAT. YOU DEFEATED THE HENCHMEN I SENT TO DESTROY YOU. THEY WERE IDIOTS."

"Yeah, they kinda were," she agreed.

"HOWEVER, YOU WILL NOT BE SO LUCKY THIS TIME. I CAME TO DESTROY YOU MYSELF. I WILL MAKE SURE NO MISTAKES ARE MADE."

"That's sweet of you, really," Julie said. "And, much as I'd love to fight you, I am a little tired. If it's alright with you I think I'll just go now." Julie turned to go.

"NOT SO FAST!" Mr. Mister shot out a bolt of blue lightning that struck the ground, preventing Julie from moving. "FOR CENTURIES I HAVE WAITED FOR THE CHANCE WHERE I COULD PERSONALLY DESTROY EVERYONE OF THE MOO PEOPLE! I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET THIS CHANCE SLIP BY."

"Damn," Julie said.

"LET ME SEE . . ." Mr. Mister turned his cloaked head to a figure that lay on the ground several yards away. "AH. IF IT ISN'T MY HENCHMAN JEFF, EVIL, EVIL, JEFF. HE FAILED ME YET AGAIN." Flicking his wrist, he sent a ring of fire hurtling towards the unconscious figure. Immediately, there was a flash of light and the spot that held Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, was bare. "THAT'S BETTER."

Julie swallowed hard. "Why'd you do that?"

Mr. Mister shrugged. "IT SEEMED LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO."


Julie couldn't move. Mr. Mister had somehow used him power to make her immobile. She was trapped. This sucks goats.

The other senshi rushed forward. "We'll save you, Sailor Moo!" They yelled.

But, as the four approached, a huge, black bubble surrounded Sailor Moo and Mr. Mister, leaving them on the outside. As Mallory, Bob, and Valerie stopped in order to avoid the bubble, Niki kept running.

"Ouch!" She yelled when she ran into the solid wall.

"MWHAHAHAHA!" Mr. Mister laughed. "YOU CAN NOT BREAK THROUGH MY FORCE FIELD! I WANT TO MAKE SURE I AM NOT DISTRACTED AS I BATTLE SAILOR MOO. I WANT TO SAVOR EVERY MOMENT OF HER DESTRUCTION."

Valerie shrugged. "Whatever."

"DO NOT THINK THAT NOW I WILL NOT DESTROY YOU AS WELL!"

"Oh boy . . ." Mallory muttered.

"PROFESSOR SMEEZER AND BENTFENCE, KILL THEM!"


Alex and Alexia watched from a safe distance as the battle began. On one side, Mr. Mister and Julie were circling each other. Several yards away, Professor Smeezer and Bentfence were glaring at the four soldiers. No one had attacked. Yet.

Alex turned to Alexia who seemed to be crying.

"What the f%#k's wrong with you?"

"Mr. Mister destroyed the love of my life."

'You mean that smelly, f%#king ugly guy? Good riddance."

Alexia looked at him, tears in her eyes. "You wouldn't understand."

"Whatever," Alex shrugged. "So, why aren't you fighting with them anyway?"

"I can't . . . I'm not a Sailor Senshi."

"Oh. Why the f%#k aren't you one of them?"

"Because . . . I can't be."

Alex shifted uncomfortably. "Damn . . . a$$ pennies," he muttered.

"What?"


"I knew you were evil!" Mallory yelled in triumph.

"Yeah! Evil!" Niki echoed.

Professor Smeezer sneered at her. "If it isn't Mallory Leigh and Niki Reneir from second hour geometry. You will pay for making my life miserable!"

"Do you remember me?"

Professor Smeezer turned to Valerie. "Valerie Champain. First hour, seventh grade pre-algebra. You are no better than them!" She looked around. "Wasn't there another one?" Bentfence paused, her nose in the air as she sniffed. "There is someone else here! She is invisible, but it is one of them!"

"How did you know?" Niki said.

"I can smell her."

"Are you saying I SMELL?" Bob materialized, an angry look on her face. "I have you know I bathe once every other week!" Grimacing, Valerie, Niki, and Mallory took a step away from Bob. "What? What'd I do?"

Professor Smeezer smiled. "At last! We have the four together! Witness our power, Moo People!"

"I have a bad feeling this isn't going to be good," Mallory muttered.

Professor Smeezer and Bentfence pulled out two calculators. Jabbing at the buttons, they said simultaneously, "The sum of four times the quadratic equation of x-y(ab) squared divided by zx cubed plus ax over 22.73 equals . . ." They paused as they continued to press buttons, searching for the answer to the equation. "PIE!" They suddenly yelled.

Four pies flew out, each one smacking the senshi in their faces. Everything was quiet for a moment.

"You have GOT to be kidding," Mallory said, finally.

Valerie pulled the gooey mess off her face. "I think it was the wrong kind of "PI".

"Mmm . . . apple." Niki liked her fingers.

Bob was not impressed. "That's your power? Puh-lease."

Professor Smeezer just smiled back. "Oh . . .it's not done yet."

That was when Valerie screamed.

"Ah! It's ALIVE!"

And sure enough, the pie had grown arms and it grabbed a hold of Valerie's neck, trying to choke her. Before they could destroy the pies, Mallory and Bob were also under attack.

Niki was confused. "What's going on?"

Finally able to breath, Valerie looked at her. "The pies! They're trying to kill us!" Gasping for breath, she continued to defend herself from the evil that was blueberry. "Quick! Save yourself!"

Niki just stared. "I ate mine." That was when she noticed that Mallory and Bob were under attacks similar to Valerie's. And, she had a brilliant idea. (Who knew?) Running towards the others, Niki grabbed the pies and shoved them into her mouth. Within seconds, they were gone.

"Thank you . . . for saving our lives," Mallory choked out.

Niki let out a long, loud burp. "No problem." She yawned. "After I eat, I usually take a nap." Within seconds she fell asleep.

The three soldiers turned to Bentfence and Professor Smeezer. The two seemed shocked that their evil plan did not work.

"You tried to kill us!" Bob accused.

Professor Smeezer sighed. "Yeah, and it didn't even work. Damn freshmen . . ."

"TAN ATTACK!" Bentfence yelled, a desperate last attempt to kill them. The attack flew towards Valerie who leapt to the side.

Valerie was pissed. She hated it when people tried to kill her. It made her angry. With a vicious yell, she attacked Professor Smeezer and Bentfence.

Amazed, Bob and Mallory watched as Valerie, moving faster than their eyes could follow, let out series of punches and kicks. Over and over again.

"It doesn't seem to be working," Bob said.

"Huh?"

"They're not being hurt enough! Something's protecting them!"

Mallory nodded in agreement. "I know what to do." She closed her eyes and focused on Professor Smeezer, using her psychic powers to find a weakness. Her eyes popped open. "I got it!" She yelled.

"What is it?"

"Their fat! The extra layers of fat on their bodies are protecting them! Attacking alone, we aren't going to break through! We need to get together!"

Bob nodded. "I'll get Valerie."

A minute later, Bob and Valerie met up with Mallory who was supporting a sleepy Niki. They looked towards Professor Smeezer and Bentfence. The two lay on the ground, unable to get up.

"I didn't hurt them much," Valerie explained. "But, I managed to knock them over. It'll take them a while to get up."

"Good." Mallory looked at Bob. "Bob, since being in the future, you know more about being sailor senshi than we do. Do you know how we can combine our powers?"

"I sure do."

Under Bob's direction, the four stood in a circle, facing out. Their eyes closed, and they each started to glow. Niki glowed pale blue, Mallory, light purple, Bob, pink, and Valerie, a dull green. Professor Smeezer, and Bentfence, finally off their backs, rushed forward (as fast as they could wobble) to attack again.

"SAILOR SUSHI POWER--ATTACK!" The four senshi yelled. The colors they glowed, shot out, surrounding the two figures. With pain-filled screams, Bentfence and Professor Smeezer blew up.

As little pieces of fat flew everywhere, Valerie made a face. "Disgusting!"

Mallory sighed. "I guess this means no more math."

"Alright!" Niki grinned.


At the same time the others were fighting their battle, Julie was fighting hers. When Mr. Mister had created the force field, he made it so that she could not see outside of the bubble. Julie had no idea whether or not her friends were alive . . . or if any help would come.

"YOU SURPRISED ME," Mr. Mister said, after the glaring and circling silently had gotten old.

"How?"

"YOU ARE SO MUCH SMALLER THAN I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE."

Julie rolled her eyes. "Thanks. I appreciate that."

"IT'S JUST THAT . . . YOU LOOK SO WEAK. AFTER LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS MOMENT FOR CENTURIES, I AM DISAPPOINTED. I WAS HOPING FOR A REAL FIGHT."

"A REAL fight, you say? How's this?" Julie raised her arms into the air. "MOO SLINKY-- SURROUND!" She yelled. The slinky shot forward and then disappeared. "Hey . . . where'd it go?"

He yawned. "PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY ME WITH SIMPLE TRICKS. I AM READY FOR THE REAL FIGHT. USE YOUR POWER, SAILOR MOO!"

"I . . . I just did."

"EXCUSE ME?"

"Um . . . that was it."

"IS THAT ALL?"

"Sorry."

"ALRIGHT THEN, I WILL KILL YOU NOW."

Julie closed her eyes, waiting for what she knew would happen. It's over. That's it. My life is about to end. This sucks goat. If only Tuxedo Dego . . .

"SPAM ATTACK!"

I LOVE it when he does that.

To Be Continued . . .


CONTINUE

SMoo Randomness:
Alex: Oh, so now I'm a f%#king fairy? Was it because I watched figure skating as a child?