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Episode 5: "A Visit From The Future. The Final Battle Against Jeff"


"A daughter," The Prince repeated.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'd have to say I am pretty sure that we have a daughter."

The others all stared at Julie. "Wow. A miniature Julie meets a miniature Tuxedo Dego?" Mallory pondered.

"That's got to be scary," concluded Niki.

"Which parent do you think she looks like?"

"If it's a daughter, I'm hoping she resembles Julie." Valerie turned to Tuxedo Dego. "No offense or anything, but you would make a very scary woman."

"None taken."

The Prince cleared his throat. "Rather than trying to picture my daughter, would you like to see her?"

"You have pictures?"

"What I mean is, would you like to meet her?"

Julie's eyes widened. "Meet? My daughter? Whoa. That would be . .. odd."

The Prince smiled. "Because of the battle against Mr. Mister, you and the other soldiers will need all the help you can get. Our daughter chose to come with me to the past and to stay and help you. That's because if something were to happen to you or Tuxedo Dego, she wouldn't exist."

"That makes sense."

The Prince stepped aside to reveal a figure hidden in the shadows. "May I present to you, the Princess of the Future Moo Kingdom, my daughter, Alexia." The figure stepped out from the shadows.

Julie gasped. "THAT'S MY DAUGHTER??!!"


Meanwhile, back in the projects of Beau Chene, Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, MC, and RA were kneeling before Mr. Mister's throne.

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff grinned. "Master, you needn't worry about the Moo People. They have been . . . taken care of."

Mr. Mister nodded. 'SO I SEE. YOU HAVE SENT THEM THROUGH THE DIMENSION OF UNSPECIFIED TIME."

"That is correct. My servants, MC and RA did their job well."

"IT WOULD SEEM THAT WAY, WOULDN'T IT?" Mr. Mister paused. "DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT THE DIMENSION OF UNSPECIFIED TIME WOULD SEND THEM TO THE RUINS OF THE ANCIENT MOO KINGDOM WHERE THEY WOULD JUST HAPPEN TO MEET UP WITH THE PRINCE WHO LIKES COKE AND PEANUTS, GAIN THEIR FIRST POWERS, AND THAT THEY WOULD COME BACK TO DESTROY ME?"

"That was a mouthful." Jeff shrugged. "No, it never occurred to me."

"WELL, GUESS WHAT? THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!" Mr. Mister yelled.

Jeff winced. "Oops?"

"JEFF, EVIL, EVIL, JEFF, IF YOU DO NOT GET THINGS RIGHT, I WILL CONDEMN YOU TO NAKODISH . . . AGAIN!" He sighed. "I DON'T KNOW WHY I BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE ANYWAY."

"Was it because I'm so cute?"

Mr. Mister just stared. "NO. NO. TRUST ME, THAT WASN'T IT."

Jeff shrunk back and pointed an accusing finger at MC and RA. "It was them! It was their fault!"

RA rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Master, it was Jeff's fault. Go ahead and kill him. He won't be missed."

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff was furious. "Why, you two-timing, back-stabbing . . . if you weren't my sister, I would .. . do something very not nice!"

MC was shocked. "Jeff is YOUR brother?"

RA shrugged. "Not by choice. Actually, I prefer to think of him as just a really sad, pathetic excuse for a person my parents felt sorry for. Out of pity, they took him into our house and gave him a computer to keep him happy. He's almost like a little, lost puppy . . . an ugly puppy, yes, but-- "

"SHUT UP!" Mr. Mister demanded. "ENOUGH OF THIS POINTLESS CHATTER. DO ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I WAITED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?"

"Not really," RA said.

"No," Jeff admitted.

"You want to take over the world?" MC shrugged. "Hey, that's cool. Whatever."

"LISTEN TO ME, AND LISTEN GOOD! THE THREE OF YOU WILL RAISE UP AN ARMY AND YOU WILL MURDER ALL OF THE MOO PEOPLE, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?"

MC raised her hand.

"WHAT?"

"Murder is such a harsh word."

"ARE YOU A BAD GUY, OR NOT?"

"Well . . . I am, it's just, I don't want to murder anybody. It sounds bad."

"FINE. DESTROY! MAIM! KILL! HANG! POISON! DECAPITATE! RUN THROUGH! SQUASH! BLOW UP! I DON'T CARE! AS LONG AS THEY ARE DEAD. D-E-D! DEAD!"

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff bowed. "We understand. We will not fail you again."

After the three had departed, Smeezer and Bentfence wobbled forward. "With permission, Master, may we also go?" Professor Smeezer asked.

"WHY?"

"I admit to having a score that must be settled with two of the soldiers. Sailor Unico and Sailor 24601 must die!"

"VERY WELL. GO. TOMORROW NIGHT IS THE NIGHT THEY WILL ALL DIE."


There was a long moment of silence as Julie and the others stared in shock. For about five minutes, nobody moved or said anything. They just stared.

Finally, Tuxedo Dego spoke. "Whoa. My daughter is a BABE."

Julie glared at him. "She's your daughter! That's just sick."

"Well, yeah . . . but look at her." And they all did.

Alexia was drop-dead gorgeous. She was 5' 10," seventeen years old, with long blonde hair and green eyes. She looked like a model. A very pretty model. Julie hated her.

Mallory decided it was time to break the tension. "So . . . you're their daughter, huh?" Alexia nodded. "Yeah . . . the family resemblance . . . it's . . . um . . ."

"Very noticeable." Valerie filled in.

"Yeah, if you're blind." Valerie smacked Bob. "Ouch! What was that for?"

Niki took a step closer. She looked at Alexia, then at Tuxedo Dego and Julie. Then back again. "Maybe she's adopted."

Mallory shook her head. "No . . . if you look really close . . ." She squinted. "You see . . . they both have . . . eyes . . . and . . . noses . . ."

Niki nodded. "Yeah. And mouths!" She pointed. "Oh look! Two ears each even!"

Valerie shrugged. "To be honest, I really don't see how Alexia can be the offspring that resulted from Julie and Tuxedo Dego."

Krystina cleared her throat. "Well, you see, the Japanese believe that when you take a short girl with brown hair highlighted with pink and dark eyes and then you take a big, hairy, Itallian guy with dark hair and eyes, you end up with a tall, beautiful blonde with green eyes."

The others nodded. "Oh, I get it now." (Only, they didn't)

"I suppose it makes more sense than them having a daughter with pink hair and red eyes," Valerie agreed.

Alexia, who had been listening, just laughed. She ran to embrace Julie. "Mother! It's so wonderful to see you again! It's been so long!"

Julie winced. "Please don't call me that. Don't you see me everyday in the future?"

"Rarely."

"What do you mean, rarely?" Julie stepped away from Alexia, suddenly feeling vertically challenged. Alexia turned to Tuxedo Dego who gladly gave her a hug, a big goofy grin on his face. Julie glared at him and reluctantly, he let go. She slapped him.

"It's just that my mother prefers to be alone, claiming that she's anti-social. When I was young she'd just sit in her room, playing with her Platinum Nintendo 2064. I've been going to a boarding school for several years and when I visit we rarely talk. She never visits me, claiming that she can't leave the Platinum Nintendo 2064, since it is the royal treasure and must be guarded with her life. "

Julie shrugged. "What can I say? My Platinum Nintendo 2064 really kicks the moose's ass."

"I thought that maybe if I came back from the future, then we could bond. Only since you're now younger than me, we could be like sisters." Alexia's eyes were wide and hopeful. "Perhaps I could even play with your Platinum Nintendo 2064?"

"Not a chance in hell."

"That's what you always say! Couldn't I just touch it?"

"You touch it, you die."

Alexia looked hurt. "But . . . we're gonna be like sisters."

"That's what I say to my sister." Julie paused, thinking. "Only, I'm less nice. "Go away, you fat, ugly b%#ch," is the phrase I most often use. If that doesn't work, the throwing of large, pointy objects usually does the trick."

The Prince clapped his hands in order to get everyone's attention. "My time here runs short. I must go back to the future as you all must return to Loserville. The great battle nears. Please be careful. If you are defeated by Mr. Mister, then the future as we know it will perish. I leave my daughter in your care."

"Don't worry, Your Highness." Tuxedo Dego was about to put his arm around Alexia, but a vicious look from Julie as well as her running her finger across her neck threateningly, stopped him. "I'll protect Alexia with my life."

"I know." The Prince began to disappear, and as he did, Nakodish faded away, and the group found them once again in Loserville.

As Tuxedo Dego turned to go, Julie stopped him. "Wait! You promised you would reveal your secret identity."

Tuxedo Dego smiled. "My name is Greg. You can call me Gerg."

Julie sighed as he walked away. "Gerg . . . what a name. It's so . . . Gergish."


The next day, Julie, Valerie, Mallory, and Niki went to school as usual. Only, this time, they were accompanied by two strangers. Both Alexia and Bob had insisted upon coming incase Mr. Mister decided to attack them during the day. Even Krystina was there, hiding in Julies backpack.

"I don't like my name," Bob complained.

Valerie rolled her eyes. "So? Are we supposed to care?"

"Well, I want a new name! I look like an idiot telling people my name is Bob."

"You don't need to be saying anything to look like an idiot," Valerie said under her breath. Bob glared at her. Valerie smiled back.

"How about Alex?" They looked at Julie. "Alex is a great name. Or Gerg."

"I don't want a boy's name!"

Niki thought for a second. "What about Mr. Walrus?"

"Or Vrendetta?" Mallory suggested.

"I can't even spell that."

Mallory shrugged. "Neither can I."

"How about Stupido?" Bob glared at Julie. "What? It's Spanish!"

Alexia decided it was time to settle the matter. "Well, since you're name is Bob, how about Bobbie? It's a girl's name."

Bob nodded. "How come I didn't think of that?"

Krystina poked her head out of Julie's bag. "I'm beginning to wonder if Alexia really is Julie's child. She's so sensible and smart. Not at all like-- " Julie shoved her back into the bag and then threw her in a nearby trash can before she could finish.

"Who's the hot chick?"

Julie turned and to her surprise (and delight) Alex, the one and only, stood behind her. "Alex!" She smiled at him. "You remember me, right? I'm Julie."

"I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about the blonde."

Bob tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Well, I've often been referred to as beautiful, but rarely as-- "

"Not you. The other blonde."

Alexia smiled as Julie and Bob glared at her. "My name's Alexia."

Valerie grinned. "Alexia and Alex! That's so cute! It's like they're destined to--" A threatening look from Julie made her stop.

Alex walked up to Julie. "Hey, Julie. Let me know when you're gonna have f%#king hot chics with you, okay? See ya."

Mallory rolled her eyes. "Charming as always."

Julie stared dreamily after the departing figure. "He remembered my name!"

"That's because you just told him," Niki reminded her.


Just a few minutes later, Julie found herself sleeping in first hour. It was a good class except of course, Alex wasn't in it. The teacher was a nut who did goats (or so Julie believed), but that was okay.

She was dreaming that same dream . . . Frolicking among the peanuts, Julie went down to the river of Coke. Tuxedo Dego was there . . . but he wasn't alone. He was with her. Boy, this sucks goats, she thought to herself.

Julie was pissed. "I thought you loved me."

Tuxedo Dego shook his head, his arm pulling Alexia closer. "Sorry. I've found someone else."

"But, why her?"

"Why not?"

Julie thought for a moment. "Good point." That was when Alex showed up. Yey! I'm dreaming about Alex! Julie thought. "Alex!"

"Hey."

He's so cool . . . "You came for me?"

"F%#k no. I'm here with the blonde." He walked over to Alexia. "We've gotten really close. Almost like we're the same person (he he he)."

This keeps getting better and better. "But . . . I'll let you play with my Platinum Nintendo 2064!" Julie said, desperately.

Alexia smiled sweetly. "Sorry, Julie. Better luck next time."

"Noooooooooooo!" Julie awoke to find her entire English class (including Mr. McDoormat) staring at her. She laughed nervously. "Bye!" She yelled as she ran out the door.

Mr. McDoormat shook his head. "That Miss. Kwaites. She's a nut."


Later that day, Julie, Valerie, and Mallory were sitting together at lunch. Niki was lying down nearby, attempting to sleep. Unfortunately, Julie's complaining was keeping her awake. Alexia was a few yards away, surrounded by guys. Bob, claiming that she would never be caught dead eating with losers like them, was sitting on the other side of the picnic table area.

Julie sighed. "My love life sucks."

"What love life?" Mallory hit Niki. "Ouch."

Julie looked over to where Alexia was. "What's her deal anyway? How come guys are flocking around her like goats or something? I want you to name one thing she has that I don't!"

"Well, to begin with-- ." This time Valerie hit Niki. "I have no idea."

"And answer me this one. What's the deal with Gerg? He's her dad!"

"No," Valerie corrected. "He is the horny teenage version of her dad. Technically, they are two very different people."

Julie just sighed again. "Everything was just fine until she showed up. I was in love with Gerg, he was in love with me. I was in love with Alex, Alex . . . would have loved me if I had let him play with my Platinum Nintendo 2064. Now Gerg is in love with Alexia. And Alex is in love with Alexia. And . . . Bob is in love with the Prince, but no one loves Bob . . . It's like a big love pentagon or something."

"It sounds like something on Jerry Springer." Julie, Niki, and Valerie looked at Mallory. "Not that I watch that show, or anything!" She said quickly.

"It's like a really bad soap opera." They all nodded (synchronized, of course).

From his hiding place nearby, Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff grinned. It was almost time.


After school, the group began their walk home. They figured it would be safest if they all stuck together. Plus, what kind of super-hero rides the cheese wagon anyway? Since legally, none of them could drive, walking was the only other option.

"Are you one of us?" Niki asked Alexia.

"What do you mean, 'one of us'?"

"You know, a 'Sailor Sushi'?"

"You mean, 'Sailor Senshi'," Mallory corrected.

"That too."

Alexia shook her head. "No. I . . . couldn't be one."

"What the hell is a 'Sailor Senshi' anyway?" Valerie said. They all remained silent. "Does anyone know?" They just stared.

"A Sailor Senshi is a female warrior that fights to save the universe, or in your case, a princess." Everyone turned to see Krystina.

Julie smirked. Krystina looked like she had been tossed into a trash can (which she had). She was covered in leftovers from the cafeteria. Little blobs of multi-colored mush (things the lunch ladies claimed were macaroni, peas, and sloppy joes) were stuck in her fur, and a banana peel was draped over her head. "Wow, Krystina, what happened to you? You look like sh*t."

Krystina glared. "Well, it seems that a certain idiot misplaced me and left me in a trash can which soon found its way to the dumpster, and from there . . ." she trailed off and turned to the others. "I came here to remind you to watch your backs!"

Niki scratched her head. "Why would we want to watch our backs? That's boring. My back never does anything interesting. "

Julie rolled her eyes. FRESHMEN. "You don't need to worry about Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff." She crossed her arms. "I can take care of him."

"Is that so?"


Julie flinched when she heard the voice. Not again. She turned to see Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff. "Don't you ever DIE?"

"You underestimate me, Sailor Moo."

"How did he know you were Sailor Moo?" Bob asked. "I thought it was a secret identity."

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff snorted. "Do you think I'm stupid? She look exactly the same as when she's wearing her sailor outfit. Only an idiot would be fooled."

Niki sighed and lowered her head. "I'm an idiot? I just thought I was special."

"No!" Mallory reassured her. "You're not an idiot . . . It's hard to tell. I mean, Julie looks completely different. Sailor Moo is wearing a skirt and all . . ."

"Even when Julie transformed before our eyes," Valerie added, trying to make Niki feel better. "I still had no clue it was her."

"Really?" Niki asked hopefully.

"Well . . . no, I'm not that stupid. I'm just saying it to make you feel better."

"Oh." Niki sighed again.

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff rolled his eyes. "Do you REALLY think you can defeat me with these morons helping you?"

"Hey! Don't say that about us!" Valerie yelled. "It's not our fault we're freshmen!"

"And you underestimate me too!" Julie raised Alex's really cool mechanical pencil in the air. "MOO PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!"

The others quickly followed, raising their mechanical pencils in the air.

"UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"

"24601 RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"

"PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"

"UNKNOWN RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"

Several minutes later when they were dressed as the Sailor Senshi (why the bad guys never attack when they're spinning around in the air naked, I don't know), Julie stepped forward, preparing to begin her REALLY long speech (that never makes sense anyway). Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff chose that time to attack.

"Trying to harm-- " Julie dodged the sharp objects Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff was throwing at her. "Hey! I'm trying to give a speech here." She glared at Jeff. "Trying to harm girls especially when-- Stop that!"

"Must you talk so much? Can't we just fight and get it over with?"

"Shut up!" She cleared her throat. "Trying to harm girls especially when they are trying to give long speeches is the worst! Even if you-- " She dodged his attack again. "I said stop that!" She turned to the other senshi. "Aren't you going to stop him?"

They looked down. Bob kicked at some dirt.

"Well?"

"It's just that . . . maybe he has a point. You do go on and on . . ."

"Never mind! I didn't ask you!" Julie looked back at Jeff. "Even if you buy me an expensive, tailor-made gown, I still won't forgive you!" Jeff just stared at her, confused. "Using your evil ways to-- "

"Enough all ready! Please?" Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff rubbed his forehead. "You're giving me a migraine."

"Fine." Julie did the odd arm motions. "In the name of cows, I'll punish you!"


Julie and Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff circled each other slowly, glaring. The others stood back, watching as the two prepared to duel. They each walked back twenty paces and then turned, eyes staring hard, attempting to predict each other's next moves. Jeff's hands were by his pocket as Julie's hands inched closer to her tiara.

Suddenly, faster than Julie could see, Jeff pulled out his computer disks and started flinging them at her. "COMPUTER VIRUS ATTACK!"

Julie dodged and grabbed her tiara. Before she could use it, he knocked it out of her hands. Yelling in fear, she started running around in circles as Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff continued to pelt her with disks.

Julie was still running around in circles when she realized he was no longer throwing disks at her. She turned and stuck her tongue out at him. "So, you ran out of things to throw at me?"

He grinned wickedly, holding up CDs. "Nonsense, I have these!" Jeff smiled as Julie picked up her tiara. "Do you REALLY think that's gonna work?"

Julie paused. "Sh*t."

"You might as well surrender now. You will never win! I am more powerful!"

Julie put the tiara back on her head. "This really sucks goat."

The other senshi stepped forward. "Then we'll defeat him instead!"

"No!" They turned to Krystina. "This is Julie's battle. She must fight it alone."

"Gee, Krystina," Julie frowned. "Why don't you just kill me yourself? If I fight him alone, I'll lose. The frisbee isn't going to work."

"But, the slinky will."

"Huh?" Julie and Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff said in unison.

"Quick!" Krystina pushed a soda bottle and it rolled, stopping at Julie's feet.

Julie picked up the drink. "Pepsi One? What's that going to do?"

"Drink it!"

Obeying, Julie guzzled the drink. Suddenly, a bright light surrounded her, and she found she wasn't wearing any clothes. "Ah! I'm naked!" She began spinning in the air, transforming into Sailor Moo. Only this time, her skirt was shorter.

Mallory was confused. "It made her clothes shrink?"

"No!" Krystina cried out. "The second transformation made Julie more powerful!"

Julie turned to Jeff, an evil gleam in her eyes. Mwhahahaha. I am Sailor Moo. Mwhahahaha. She had never felt this powerful before "I know kung fu."

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff began backing away in fear. "Not so fast!" Julie grabbed a cow-spotted slinky. "MOO SLINKY--SURROUND!" The slinky lunged for Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, encircling him.

Jeff broke free of the slinky. He grabbed the CDs. "SUPER COMPUTER VIRUS ATTACK!"

Julie ducked to avoid being beheaded. "MMM B%#CH ATTACK!" She ran for Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff, barreled into him, and knocked him to the ground. He lay there, unmoving.

The others crept forward, looking at their leader in awe. Julie crossed her arms. "I TOLD you I knew kung fu."


Mallory reached down and felt the body for a pulse. "He's still alive."

"What are you going to do with him?" Valerie wanted to know. "Can I kill him?"

Julie shook her head. "No. I'm not done with him yet." She rubbed her hands together wickedly. "I know the perfect punishment."

"What?" Niki asked.

"I'm going to lock him in his bathroom so he suffocates to death from his own stench."

"That's so evil," Bob commented. "Even I wouldn't do that!"

"Mwhahahaha. I know. I am evil. Mwhahahaha."

"No!" They had forgotten that Alexia was there. "You can't kill him!"

"Why not?"

"Because I am madly in love with Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff."

"You're madly in love with THAT thing?" Valerie asked in disgust.

"Yes. He is my Ffej." They stared at her. "It's Jeff backwards."

"Ah," They all nodded in understanding, thinking about Gerg. The whole name backwards deal must be some guy thing.

"How can you be in love with him? He is evil. And scary. And ugly," Julie added.

Alexia looked at Julie, her eyes pleading. "Haven't you ever been in love? It doesn't matter if they're the most attractive person in the world!"

Julie thought of her own big, hairy, Itallian guy. It's true. He's not the most attractive person in the world. But, I still love him, for some odd, strange, unexplainable reason.

"Please spare his life."

I'm such a softy, Julie thought. "Fine, I'll spare his life." Alexia squealed and hugged her in glee. "Get off of me, you freak!"

"I love you, Mom!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Sorry to be interrupting this happy, little gathering." They turned to see MC and RA. "But, it's time to die now."


CONTINUE

SMoo Randomness:
Niki: At last, my dreams come true! Not only will I meet the Walrus, but I'll never have to see my family ever again! Life is good.