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Episode 34: "A New Hope: The Sailor Senshi's Final Battle"


The senshi split up and fanned out to meet their short-skirted opponents in battle. Mallory, Vanessa, and Eva stood side-by-side, facing down Sailors Cranberry, Boris, and Light.

"You're making a huge mistake," Cranberry said. "If you surrender now, we will see that no harm comes to you, but if you resist, we will have no choice but to take you down."

"You look the decent sort," Mallory replied, hoping an appeal would avert the (seemingly) inevitable bloodshed. "We don't have to do this. Join forces with Sailor Moo and we can defeat the Emperor together. You can be free again!"

"Freedom..." Cranberry looked down at her bracelets, a pained expression on her face. "It's too late for that."

"Let's do this," Sailor Light said as she clenched her fists, her focus on Eva.

"We'll try to make this quick and relatively painless," Boris assured Vanessa as her hands began to glow. But before the enemy senshi gathered their power...

"BUTTERFLY EARTHQUAKE!"

...Mallory attacked!

The ground shook as a wave of butterflies surged forth, surrounding the enemy senshi. Thousands of butterfly wings beat against Cranberry and Light, cutting into their leotards to expose the sensitive flesh underneath.

"Ow! Ow!" Light cried. As Boris came to her rescue, slapping the butterflies away, one of the butterflies flew into her mouth. Boris doubled over coughing as even more butterflies flew into the mouths of Cranberry and Light.

Taking advantage of the distraction, Mallory shouted, "Vanessa, transform into something useful!"

"Right! ANTHROPOMORPHISM!"


"There's four of them and three of us," Alexia surmised as she, Valerie, and Niki faced Sailors Pink, ChibiS, PerkyFluffyBunny, and Tange.

"I'll take the stupid ones," Niki said, pointing to Tange and PerkyFluffyBunny who were bouncing around like chickens-slash-rabid sea monkeys in the craze of their perpetual sugar rush.

"That works for me," ChibiS said. She pulled out a dangerously sharp kitchen knife and pointed it at Sailor Psychy. "You're mine!"

"Sorry lady, I'm already taken," Valerie drawled in reply as the two began to circle each other slowly. Her fingers danced above the holster at her waist where a big stick was at the ready, ready to be drawn. Walk softly and carry a big stick that you can use to beat your enemies senseless...wise words, Mr. President. "Now get back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"

ChibiS narrowed her eyes. "This here galaxy ain't big enough for the both of us."

A tumbleweed-sized ball of dust blew by. Clearly the Emperor needed to hire a new cleaning lady.

ChibiS flexed the wrist of her hand that was holding the knife, making it gleam with reflected light. She spit a wad of tobacco out the side of her mouth. "There's only one way this is going to end."

"Well pardner, I hope you know how to swim, 'cause your a$$ is gettin' off this ship!" With a guttural yell, Valerie charged at ChibiS, barreling into the sailor and knocking the knife from her hand. They rolled around on the floor, pulling hair, biting ears, and fighting dirty, their weapons and powers forgotten.

"So it's down to us now, is it?" Pink smiled darkly at Alexia. "I was hoping we'd meet in battle. Your mother has been an unbelievable pain in my a$$...I think I'll bring her your head on a platter."

I will not let her get to me, Alexia thought as her mouth hardened. "I'd like to see you try."

"Ohhh, tough talk from the daughter of Sailor Moo," Pink sneered. "Tell me, what's it like having a mother so repulsively selfish that she would beat her best friend to a pulp rather than let her play Nintendo? Are you proud to call yourself a princess, or do you regret the very day you were born?"

Fight fire with fire. "How 'bout you tell me what it's like to have your namesake color stolen by every skanky girl with a short skirt and super powers?" Alexia flared her own pink skirt and pouted. "Do I make you feel clichéd?" Without waiting for a response, Alexia held up the disguise pen her mother used in the future to avoid being seen by her ex-husband. "MINI MOO POWER - ILLUSION!"

There was a sudden flash of light, and when Pink's vision cleared she could see that Alexia's hair was now a vibrant shade of pink. So pink that it made her own hair look mauve. Yes, mauve.

"How about now, beauty school dropout?" Alexia smiled as she fluffed her newly colored hair.

Pink's eyes flashed with anger as she raised her hands and began to attack.


Meanwhile, Niki had been trapped in a corner by Sailor Tange and PerkyFluffyBunny and the enemies were quickly closing in.

"We're really sorry about this," Tange said as she inched closer. "We honestly don't want to kill you, it's just that we don't have a choice in the matter." She held up her wrists to show that the golden bracelets were throbbing with light. "She's too strong. We can't fight her power."

"Then why did you join forces with her? Flexible vacation days? Good dental plan?"

"She tricked us," PerkyFluffyBunny said simply. "She knew our sweet tooths were a weakness and she promised us all sorts of things... Skittles, Starburst, Sweedish Fish, Sweet Tarts, Sour Patch Kids... every sugary candy that begins with the letter "S", and much more!"

"So much more!" Tange echoed with a sigh.

"But it was all lies. Her ship wasn't actually edible, it only looked like a doughnut. There was no cream-filled center."

"No cream-filled center!"

"That's such a disappointment," Niki said sympathetically as she racked her brain for a plot. And then she had one.

"Tell me, ladies, how do you feel about Pop Rocks and soda?"

"Pop Rocks?" PerkyFluffyBunny's mouth began to water.

"And soda?" Tange said, her eyes shining with joy.

"GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! GIMME!"


Key Key and the Nutzi Tunz band members rushed through the spaceship, flanked by Jeff and the Superheroes from the 80s who fought the storm troopers as they passed. There seemed to be an endless supply of guards, but those that weren't held back by Jeff's viral attacks and body odor had to face the wrath of the spandexed teachers. They were tenured...and unstoppable!

"BOWLEGGED FLAME SNIPER!"

"LACTIC ACID LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!"

"NERVOUS TWITCH OAK EVOLUTION!"

"TWENTY DOLLAR AQUA RHAPSODY!"

But it wasn't long before the teachers were overwhelmed by the Emperor's forces and the band had to join in the battle.

"This ship is enormous!" Me said as he smacked a storm trooper in the face with a piccolo. The guard crumpled to the ground, unconscious. "We don't know that the Princess is even on board, how are we going to find her?"

"I know she's here!" Key protested. "I can feel her, we just need to find the kitchen!"

I shot her a look as he snagged a guard with a snare drum. "Like most metrosexual men who are actually bi, I'm a lover of all fine foods, but do you really think now is an appropriate time for a snack?"

"That would depend on if it were capers or quiche," Me quipped, somewhat distracted as he strangled a guard with the F string of his bass guitar.

Key rolled her eyes and roundhouse kicked another guard, sending him flying. Her keyboard was too bulky to carry so she was making do with what she had. "If there's a cupboard under the stairs near the kitchen, that's where she'll be. We used to play Harry Potter-themed hide-and-seek all the time!"

"I found her! I found her!" Elfyn cried as he raced down the corridor to the group, barreling through the guards along the way.

"Elfyn!" Me cried. "Where have you been? I thought you were a cracker."

"I was! Being in outer space again is really messing with my internal clock. One minute I'm a Keebler elf and then the next - *poof* - cracker again. I may not have much time! The kitchen is five doors down and to the ri-"

*POOF!*

Key Key bent down to pick up her crackered companion. "Thank you, my friend!' She tucked Elfyn safely in her pocket before sprinting down the corridor to the fifth door on the right. "Come on!"


RA sighed as she and Special K stood guard at the entrance to a run down corridor near the ship's Emergency Exit, blocking Bob and Lisa from view of anyone who might approach. They hadn't seen a single enemy soldier since they slipped away as the war began, but they could still hear the battles raging in other parts of the ship.

"Damnit, Bob, will you just do your job and awaken her already?" RA grumbled, itching for a good fight. "I'm getting paid by the hour for combat, not to vomit while you make heart-shaped eyes at the Smurfette over there."

"I don't know what to do!" Bob shrieked in reply, her face red with embarrassment.

"We could try making out," Lisa suggested innocently. "It worked last time."

Bob's face turned purple. "Look, Meow, I like you well enough for a freshman who's a girl, but you're really not my type. It's nothing personal."

"It's not like it would be improper," Lisa protested, her hand on Bob's shoulder, massaging her neck. "We're not cousins or anything weird like that! We're just two teenage girls... exploring our options."

Special K and RA grimaced at this, glad that they were turned away from all the grossness.

"There's got to be another way!" Bob said as she frantically looked around for anything that could be of service. Coffee...? Caffeine pills...? A noose...?

"But...the bubbles?" Lisa pointed to the large, shimmering bubbles that floated softly around their heads. Bob didn't know where the hell the bubbles had come from, but they could only mean one thing.

"This is a terrible idea!" Bob cried as she jumped to her feet, pulling Lisa up with her and popping the bubbles in their rush of movement. "We've got to find the others!"


Sailor Moo slowly climbed the dais to the throne where the Emperor stood waiting, her face once more obscured by the dark robe. Julie knew there was no point trying to appeal or apologize to her old friend. The Emperor had been Polly once but was no longer.

"AT LAST!" the Emperor hissed with pleasure.

"I don't know what you're so pumped about," Sailor Moo said, hands on her hips. "My army is going to kick your army's a$$ pennies."

"YOUR FRIENDS ARE FIGHTING VALIANTLY," the Emperor conceded, "BUT IT WILL NOT BE ENOUGH. I THOUGHT YOUR DAUGHTER WOULD BE A THREAT, BUT SHE HAS LOST HER MIND AND IS A THREAT NOW ONLY TO HERSELF. MEANWHILE, THE MESSIAH HAS NEVER AWOKEN AND NEVER WILL, THE FUTURE PROVES IT. YOUR FIGHT IS A LOST CAUSE."

"Then why humor us? You know we would never submit to you, so why not just finish the job now? Unless you're not as powerful as you claim to be?" Julie finished with a smirk.

"I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR MY REVENGE, JULIE. I'M GOING TO SAVOR THE MOMENT."

The Emperor raised her black gloved hands, and some of the electrical energy swirling around the room redirected itself, surging across the domed ceiling and down into her fingers. Before Julie could block the attack, the Emperor shifted her hands, directing the lightning bolts of electricity right at Sailor Moo.

Julie's body went rigid with pain as the electricity rushed through her. The electrocution lasted for only a few seconds, but it felt like agony. Her insides were burning, her hair stood on end, and her skirt singed at the hem, only a few degrees short of bursting into flames.

"Holy crap," Julie groaned as she fell to her knees, the Emperor's laughter ringing through her ears. She saw the Emperor raise her hands again and managed to scramble out of the way behind the throne just as another bolt of electricity hit the spot where she had been kneeling only a second before.

From her hiding spot, Julie fumbled for the light saber and the can of Sierra Mist of the Future. She needed to use The Force but had no idea how to make the saber's blade respond to her touch.

Damnit, where is Mallory?


Mallory and Eva ducked as the enemy senshi threw another powerful attack at them. The walls shook and a huge crack split through the center of the marble floor. Vanessa the bunny cowered by their feet, as worthless as always.

The Earth senshi had held their own for the first few minutes of the battle but quickly lost ground as Mallory's attacks were more pretty than powerful, and Vanessa never seemed to pull off a decent animal transformation when it mattered most. Eva's powers were intrinsically linked to the Web of Time, and that power she had once commanded through her staff, now lost forever.

"We've got to do something!" Mallory yelled. Another burst of power blasted a hole in the wall just over her head. "At this rate, they're going to destroy the ship before they manage to kill us off."

"Well, that's good... right?" Eva said.

Mallory shrugged. "I'd like to think that suffocating in space isn't our best case scenario, but really, who's to say?"

"Here bunny, bunny, bunny," Sailor Boris beckoned sweetly from her knees. "I promise it will be a quick end," she said to Vanessa. "It's just like a little bunny barbecue...You like barbecue, right?" A terrified Vanessa leapt into Mallory's arms, shivering with fear.

"Ugh, Vanessa, you peed a little," Mallory said as she dropped the rabbit and wiped her hands on her skirt. "Not cool!"

"It's not too late to change your mind," Sailor Light reminded the senshi. "Join us! It's the only way to save yourselves!"

"NEVER!" Mallory snarled defiantly. To her team she said, "Splitting up was a mistake, we're stronger when we're together. But how can we reach the others? We need more time!"

"More time?" Eva perked up. "If it's time you want, it's time I got," she said, rubbing her hands together.

"Really? Even without your staff?"

"You just need to have a little faith, Mal. I may not be able to read time, but I sure as hell can stop it. Distract them, will you?"

Mallory nodded. "STARLIGHT EINHORN MIRAGE!" she shouted, unleashing a silvery, semi-transparent unicorn that reared back before galloping straight for the enemy sailors who scattered to avoid the unicorn's glowing horn. Vanessa followed the unicorn's path, twitching her nose vehemently at Sailor Light and snapping her tiny teeth in warning.

Eva closed her eyes and concentrated on the Web of Time. She had never summoned the web without the assistance of her staff, but she was sure the power was inside of her.

"WEB OF TIME, REVEAL!" A heavy mist descended quickly around Eva, Mallory, and bunny Vanessa, obscuring them from view. In the mist, delicate threads of light shimmered, crisscrossing through the air in all directions.

"It's beautiful!" Mallory whispered in awe. "How do you make it stop?"

"By f#$king things up a bit." Eva shoved her hand into the nearest strands of Time and yanked. The gossamer threads broke apart in her hand where they hung like limp spider's silk. The Web of Time flickered twice and then disappeared. As the mist melted away, Mallory and Eva could see that the three enemy senshi stood frozen and silent in the midst of a defensive attack against Mallory's unicorn which had faded along with the mist.

With a squishy SCHLOOP, Vanessa reversed her transformation and hung her human head in shame. "I'm sorry about the bunny thing," she mumbled. "I was trying to think of a creature with a bit more bite and then I thought of Malcolm, and, well...we've been having a lot of relationship trouble lately and it was a distraction."

"Don't worry, Sailor Ecco," Mallory said smoothly, patting her quickly on the shoulder (the highest part of Vanessa she could reach). "Except for peeing on me, you performed admirably." She turned to Eva. "Great work, Sailor Chocolaté! How long do you think the time freeze will hold?"

"Not long at all," Eva confessed. "The Web will repair the damage as quickly as it can, and the freeze will end. We have only minutes, maybe less."

From down the corridor in the throne room came another blast of power that sent aftershocks trembling through the ship. Another crack split up the side of the wall from floor to ceiling.

"Crap, it sounds like the freeze didn't work on everyone," Mallory winced.

"No, it didn't. Only those who were closest to us, and only up to a certain threshold of power. All of the storm troopers are probably frozen, but I'm sure the Emperor didn't succumb."

"Then there's no time to waste!"


Julie limped painfully across the throne room in pursuit of the can of Sierra Mist of the Future that had slipped from her grasp minutes before. The Emperor had been toying with her for the better part of an hour, injuring her enough to drain her power but not enough to kill. There was only so much Julie could withstand before her strength gave out completely. She needed a power up boost, and there was only one way she knew to get one.

Julie's hand was inches from the can when another blast of power shook the throne room and sent the can rolling away once again. Mist poured in from the corridor. Briefly, Julie caught a glimpse of a spidery web of power throbbing in the mist, but just as soon as it was there, the vision was gone.

"INTERESTING," the Emperor mused, lowering her hands and sparing Julie another electrocution. "ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS HAS STOPPED TIME, BUT FOR WHAT PURPOSE? SHE WAS NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO AFFECT MY STRONGEST WARRIORS, BUT STILL I WONDER..." The Emperor trailed off, lost in thought as she settled once more on the throne which, other than a few scorch marks, was largely untouched.

"I GROW TIRED OF THIS," the Emperor sighed as she drummed her fingers against the arm rest.

"Me too," Julie wheezed, dropping once more to her knees. "So bored. Let's try a different game for a while, yeah?"

"YES, A NEW GAME INDEED. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO DIE NOW, JULIE, BUT NOT BY MY HAND." The Emperor flicked her wrist and from a shadowy alcove, a familiar, well-dressed man emerged, walking as stiffly as a wooden marionette. He was big. And hairy. And Italian. And his cold eyes, visible from behind the white mask, were no longer coal black, but fiery red.

"Tu-Tuxedo Diego?" Julie sputtered. He made no reply and didn't even glance her way.

"THERE'S A KIND OF POETIC JUSTICE, DON'T YOU THINK? THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE DOING MY BIDDING AND MURDERING HIS FUTURE WIFE?"

Well, it did kind of rhyme... "Love of my life?" Julie scoffed. "Psh, hardly!"

The Emperor beckoned and Tuxedo Diego jerked to his knees, lowering his head to kiss her offered hand. She stroked his face, tucking the dark bangs that had fallen across his forehead. Julie wanted to gag.

Tuxedo Diego rose once more to his feet, his head still bowed. "UNDER MY TUTELAGE, DIEGO HAS BECOME QUITE THE EXPERT SABER FIGHTER. I WONDER IF THE SAME CAN BE SAID OF YOU?"

"Ah crap," Julie muttered as Tuxedo Diego flipped his cape back to reveal the hilt of a light saber. He pulled the saber from his belt, and from the hilt sprung a beam of light, the same red as his eyes.

"GOODBYE, SAILOR MOO!" the Emperor exclaimed as Tuxedo Diego sprang forward to attack.


Mallory, Eva, and Vanessa raced down the corridor past frozen guards until they came upon a room with several short-skirted senshi frozen in the heat of battle. There was Sailor Pink and a pink-haired Mini Moo with their hands locked tight around each other's throats. A few feet away, Sailor Psychy and Sailor ChibiS were on the ground mid-wrestle with Psychy on top, her teeth clamped firmly to ChibiS's forehead.

"Were their superpowers not working or something?" Mallory said, clearly confused.

"It's like some sort of primitive wax museum," Vanessa observed as she walked around the two pairs of frozen fighters. "Only these are our ancestors who failed to evolve. Like the chimpanzees."

On the far side of the room, two more figures were slumped against the wall. Sailor Tange and Sailor PerkyFluffyBunny appeared to be unconscious, their eyes closed and their mouths hanging open with a mixture of soda and tiny, pink candies frozen in their mouths and on their chins, mid-dribble.

"What are they eating?"

"It's Pop Rocks and soda," came a muffled reply from the corner where Sailor 24601 was huddled, a bag Pop Rocks in one hand and a can of Coca Cola in the other. Empty bags and cans littered the ground in a semi-circle around her. She raised the Pop Rocks and soda and began to pour them into her already bulging, open mouth.

"NIKI, DON'T!" Eva cried, horrified. "If consumed simultaneously, Pop Rocks and soda will KILL you!"

"That's just an urban legend," Mallory said. "But what WILL kill her is her stomach exploding if she eats too much. Holy crap, Niki, how much Pop Rocks and soda have you already had?"

"I have no idea," Niki replied miserably, mid-chew. "I can't stop. It's like my hands and mouth are possessed by the spirit of a clam. A very hungry clam. Help me!" she pleaded just before her mouth snapped open and her hands raised the Pop Rocks and soda once more to her lips.

Mallory stood shell-shocked, with no clue as to how to help her friend. Across the room, the frozen senshi began to twitch, finally coming to.

"Hurry!" Eva said.

Without a moment of hesitation, Vanessa leapt forward, snatched the candy and soda from Niki in one swift motion and hurled them away, far out of the reach of the sugar-crazed 24601.

Niki's eyes filled with tears. "Thank you for saving me from myself!"

There was a growl from behind as ChibiS threw Valerie to the side and scrambled for her knife, still sluggish from the time freeze. Valerie looked around, saw the senshi gathering, and hurried to their side before ChibiS could recovered her weapon. Alexia broke free of Sailor Pink's choke hold and followed Valerie across the room.

"We need to attack!" Mallory said. "Quickly, before they've fully recovered!"

As one, the six senshi of Earth faced the enemy senshi and let lose their awesome power.

"SUPER SAILOR SUSHI POWER - ATTACK!"

Six bands of color matching the senshi's skirts whooshed across the room, wrapping the seven enemy senshi in a rainbow cocoon of power. The enemy senshi gasped as their golden bracelets flashed purple, blue, green, yellow, red, and then finally pink. When the last color faded from the bracelets, there was an audible and resounding CLICK as all fourteen bracelets snapped open before sliding off the senshi's wrists and crumbling to the ground, their power depleted.

Wide-eyed, Pink clasped her hands, gently rubbing her bare, thin wrists. "They're gone."

"I didn't think it was possible," Boris whispered, unable to take her eyes from her own wrists.

"We're free? We're finally free?" Light wiped a tear from her eyes and smiled.

"FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE!" PerkyFluffyBunny and Tange held hands as they jumped up and down, spinning and twirling in their joy.

"Thank you, Sailor Senshi!" Cranberry exclaimed as she embraced Mallory. "We are greatly indebted to you!"

"You're welcome!" Mallory beamed. "Glad to help!"

No longer desiring to kill each other, the Earth senshi and enemy senshi embraced and laughingly celebrated their new-found friendships, all but ChibiS who stood to the side, the knife still clutched in her hand. "Traitors!" She shrieked. "All of you, you're traitors!" She raised the knife as though to strike and then thought better of it. "I'm going straight to the Emperor with this news! She will see that you get the punishments you deserve!"

Sailor ChibiS ran to the door and found her way blocked by a glaring Sailor Pink.

"We can't let her go to the Emperor," Cranberry said. "We have to win this war!"

"Don't worry," Pink said as she grabbed ChibiS by the shoulder and yanked the knife from her grasp. "I'm pretty sure there's an airlock down the hall that has her name on it."

The ship shuddered and the lights flickered just then, flustering Pink enough that her grip loosened. ChibiS slipped free of her grasp and took off down the hall.

"Damn," Pink sighed.

"Why did the lights go out like that?" RA said. "Is the ship running out of power?"

Cranberry shook her head, new frown lines creasing her face. "Not quite. The ship runs on star seeds. The Emperor has been funneling our star seed power through the bracelets that bound us to her, but now that we've been disconnected, the power supply has become unstable. We're not running out of power so much as losing control of the power that's already been freed."

The lights flickered again, casting the room in darkness for even longer before powering back on.

"That can't be good."


On the other side of the doughnut in the spaceship's kitchen, Key Key was delighted to find her sister Ryan snuggled up in the cupboard under the stairs and munching on pretzels.

"Ryan!" Key squealed as she pulled Ryan into a fierce hug.

"Key Key!" Ryan pipped happily, snuggling close to her sister. Behind them, the other band members cheered their relief. At last, the Princess had been found! Now her guardians could focus on what was really important... the music!

Key pulled away to arm's length and gave Ryan a look over. "Are you sure you're okay? You haven't been hurt, have you?"

"No more than usual," Ryan replied with a sad smile. She seemed more lucid than the last time Key had seen her. Is her mind coming back? Can she be cured?

"I wish Timm were here to share this moment with us," I said, missing his now non-existent friend.

"He's here. He is everywhere and nowhere," Ryan said cryptically. "The senshi court is called."

"But what does that mean?"

Before Ryan could answer, Bob and Lisa burst into the room, followed shortly by Special K, RA, and the other senshi - those both good and formerly evil. The kitchen was getting awfully crowded.

When Ryan's eyes locked on Lisa, her body went rigid and from her mouth poured the eerie song the senshi had heard once before on the ship that had rescued Julie from Davy Jones' locker.

“The Prince and the Fairy brought the Messiah from the dead,

And they bound power in her bones.

The earth be ours and by the planets, where we will, we’ll roam.

Yo ho, all together, hold carbonated beverages high.

Heave ho, sailors and guardians, never shall we die.”

Once Ryan's song ended, a long moment of silence followed.

"Ryan, is the Messiah the one who can help you?" Key prodded.

Ryan nodded. "The Messiah can help me and she can help Timm. She is the one who can save us all!" Ryan grabbed Lisa's hand and held it tightly. "You must awaken! You must awaken NOW!"

Lisa pulled away, feeling helpless. "I know I'm the Messiah, but I... I just don't understand what she's trying to tell us!"

"Neither do I," Key Key said. "But if anyone will know what to do, it's Julie."


Julie didn't know what to do. Her ex-boyfriend-slash-future-ex-husband was possessed by the Emperor and coming after her with a flaming light saber, and she was powerless to stop him. If she could figure out how to get her own saber to function, she could block his attacks, but she knew she couldn't kill him, despite whatever fleeting pleasure that would bring.

She knew enough about time loops from the Back to the Future movies to recognize that killing her ex-future-husband now would forever alter the fabric of time. Alexia would never be born and Julie's past and future would be forever changed.

Best to save murdering the ex for the future when he really deserved it.

The lights flickered and Julie ducked under Tuxedo Diego's blow once again, executing an acrobatic roll to the side that took her out of the line of fire - and right to the can of Sierra Mist of the Future!

At last! Julie cheered silently as she raised the can, ready to pop the top. At that very moment, the band members, senshi, and Superheroes from the 80s rushed into the throne room. Lisa and her three daughters Alexia, Key Key, and Ryan were in the lead.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" The Emperor cried, leaping to her feet. Overhead, the electrical energy swirled more rapidly, sending out bolts of electricity that snaked to the floor around the Emperor's throne.

"Julie, remember the Crazy Girl's song!" Mallory shouted. "It's the clue to waking Lisa's power!"

A flash of memory surfaced in Julie's mind. The senshi were on the pirated ship and her daughter Ryan was singing. Lisa's eyes rolled back in her head, she was the Messiah they had been waiting for. ...And they bound power in her bones... Yo ho, all together, hold carbonated beverages high... Never shall we die...

The Sierra Mist of the Future was at Julie's lips, ready to be consumed, but it was then that Julie realized the drink wasn't meant for her. Whatever power she needed to unlock would come only from inside. "Here, catch it!" Julie cried as she threw the can in an arc over the Emperor's head and straight into Lisa's open hands. "Drink!" Julie commanded. "DRINK IT NOW!"

Lisa popped the top and guzzled the caffeinated beverage. At that same instance, Julie felt a shiver of power run down her arm and through her hand and the hilt of her saber. For the first time, the blade emerged by her hand, a shining blue band of light. Triumphantly, Julie swung the blade, knocking Tuxedo Diego's own saber from his grasp.

The energy that swirled overhead roared to life. The bolts of electricity that were pounding the floor redirected to strike Lisa instead. The other senshi gasped in dismay, horrified at the thought of their friend being electrocuted, but Lisa only smiled. She closed her eyes as the empty can from the future dropped from her hand.

Lisa felt no pain, only a growing liquid warmth that spread from her throat down through the rest of her body. Her body begin to glow then, a fierce white light that surrounded her, pulsing steadily outwards to fill the room with a pure energy, brighter than anything the Earth warriors had ever seen.

The Emperor made no move to strike at the Messiah. She was dumbstruck, her jaw hanging open. There were only three words she had the strength to utter then. "SHE...HAS...AWOKEN."

The Emperor's back was turned to Sailor Moo, and Julie saw her opportunity. Sure, it was a cheap shot, but really it was no worse than her attack on Polly that had started this whole mess those many years ago. For the sake of her planet, it was better to just do the cowardly thing and end it now.

Raising her saber high over her head, Julie brought it down in a powerful swoop, cutting through the Emperor's body from her dark hood to the alligator-skinned Prada boots sized nine and a half. Julie withdrew her blade and the Emperor crumpled to the ground and was still.

Tuxedo Diego jerked once more to a halt, dropping his blade and putting his hands to his temples to clear his head. Julie watched as his eyes lost their fiery hue and faded once more to eyes that she knew... and trusted. "It's over," Julie sighed, bowing her head.

"Not quite!" Sailor Pink yelled over the electrical lighting that tore through the air growing more deafening and terrifying with each second. "The ship is out of control, there's no way we can keep it in space now! Unless your Messiah can manage to get us all safely back to Earth, we're done for!"

"Our fate is in the hands of a freshman?" Julie muttered. "Well, that's just fabulous."

"Julie, have faith!" Valerie said as everyone in the room hooked arms, forming a chain around Lisa whose ball of white energy continued to expand. "We were freshmen once too, remember?"

"That's what I'm afraid of!"

The ship lurched violently under their feet as it began plummeting through outer space and down into Earth's atmosphere. Everyone closed their eyes, praying for a safe landing but fearing the worst as Lisa's blinding light filled the dome of the throne room. They spun and spun and spun, losing their balance and falling head over heels as the electrical storm roared in their ears. There was a crash and a scream of defiance (or terror?) and then everything was silent.


Several minutes passed before Julie had the nerve to open her eyes. She was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Everything was white. "Are we in... Heaven?" Wait, that doesn't make any sense.

"Don't be ridiculous," a familiar feline voice clipped. Julie looked down to see Krystina the cat smiling up at her. The other warriors picked themselves off the ground, shaken, but otherwise uninjured. Bob put her arm around Lisa who gratefully fell against it, weary from the immense effort it had taken to keep the ship from meeting a fiery end.

"Krystina, how did you...?"

"The NASA space shuttle was attached to the enemy spaceship when we free-fell back to Earth, so I was along for that rather exhilarating ride. We're alive, Julie," she said gently. "We made it home and we're safe. The war is over."

Julie shook her head, disbelieving. "So what you're saying is..."

"We haven't died?!" Niki yelled.

"We didn't die die?!" Valerie screamed.

"We're not going to die?!" Bob cried.

"Wait, I'm confused!"


THE END!

SMoo Randomness:
Niki: Into the woods, I must confess, it's for the walrus, 'cause I'm obsessed. Into the woods, who knows what may be lurking on the journey?