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Episode 3: "The Past Returns"

Poor Krystina. The cat had such sensitive ears. And there Julie was. Snoring. Very loudly.

It was right before the break of dawn and the beginning of a new day. The day before had been the battle with Candicinsm they had barely survived. After the battle, Krystina had called a meeting with the newly formed senshi and Sailor Moo.

She did her best to explain who they were and why they had been called to fight evil, but she didn't know much herself. Krystina had tried to swear the three girls to secrecy. It took a little coaxing to convince Valerie. She demanded that Krystina make Bob a sailor soldier as well.

Krystina did sometimes worry about Valerie . . .

But, at last, they had been sworn in. It was only a matter now of organizing a secret hideout. After they did that they could try to find out more about their enemies. Like Tuxedo Dego . . .

It did seem that Tuxedo Dego had saved them . . . but, that didn't mean that he wouldn't demand something back in return. There was still the chance he was an enemy who was trying to be trusted in order to get close. If they did trust him, then what would happen? Krystina only wished she knew.

As the sunlight began pouring through the window, Krystina stretched herself out. She looked to Julie who lay in peaceful slumber. Although she wished she could wake her up in order to end the horrible noise, Krystina decided to allow Julie to sleep a little longer. After all, it's not easy being a pretty sailor soldier/superhero of love and justice.

Julie was so happy. Since meeting Tuxedo Dego, she had longed more and more to see him in her dreams. She wished she could talk to him in real life, but he had run off so quickly after the battle she hadn't even gotten to thank him. If only she knew who he was under that mask!

Once again they were at the river of coke. "Why won't you tell me who you are?" Julie asked, a pained expression on her face.

"Princess, now it is too dangerous. If we were to meet anywhere but safely in your dreams, we would draw attention from the enemy."

"So? We'll defeat him together!"

"We can't. You are not yet powerful enough. Mr. Mister has been planning the world's destruction for ages, and he is very powerful. You must wait patiently."

"But, there are other soldiers now. They were called at the battle, remember?"

"They have no chance of winning against him. You and the others still do not know who you are. You must first remember your past. It is not until then you will have full access to your powers. And it will be then that we shall meet."

Julie was no longer happy. "Well, when will that be? When will I remember who I was?"

"Soon," he whispered. "Soon."

It was lunch time and the four girls were sitting outside on the steps of Country Club High. Since the battle with Candicinsm, the new sailors had become quick friends with Julie. They had agreed to stick together as much as possible in case any evil were to appear. So far, it had just been a normal day.

"Okay, guys. I have a few things I need straightened out." Everyone turned to Valerie. "First of all, what EXACTLY are we?"

Niki grinned. "That one's easy! Even I know that. We are the Pretty Sailor Soldiers."

"What if we're not pretty?" Everyone just kind of stared.

Valerie sighed. "How can we be the PRETTY Sailor Soldiers if we aren't pretty?"

"Gee . . . I never thought of that."

Niki nodded. "Yeah. I see what you mean! What if we're not sailors?"

Now it was Niki's turn to be stared at. "Huh?"

"Well, we're the Pretty SAILOR Soldiers. What if we aren't sailors?"

Mallory rolled her eyes. "Well, if we're gonna be that precise, what about the soldier part? What if we aren't soldiers?"

Valerie crossed her arms, a satisfied smirk on her face. "See! I knew there would be problems with this! We can't just get a couple of cool mechanical pencils one day and suddenly be completely different people!"

"Wait . . . I'm confused." Mallory shook her head. "Nope, it didn't work. I'm still confused. Maybe we should talk about something else."

"Oh, I know! Let's talk about me!" The others turned to Julie who had just started tuning in on the conversation.

"When did you decide to join us?"

"When I ran out of paper." Julie held up a pad, completely covered in scribbles. "I was practicing my signature. You know, for when I become Mrs. Tuxedo-Kwaites Dego."

"Oh . . . wait, I'm confused again."

"Oh, well I'll just explain everything to you guys."

"And then he told me we would meet again soon!" Julie sighed happily. She had finished telling them about her dream. The others just sort of stared at her.

"Kinda reminds me of my dreams. I think." Niki shook her head. "Oh wait, no, I was wrong. Everybody always dies in my dreams."

"Julie, you're obsessing over someone you've never even met. You can't forget that he could easily be an enemy!" Mallory reminded her.

"So what? He's big. And hairy. And--"

"Italian." The others chimed in. "So we've heard."

Julie frowned. She turned to Valerie. "What about you? What do you think?"

"I think it's pathetic." She turned her head to the side. "Bob thinks you're pathetic too."

Julie folded her arms. "I don't care what you guys think! I'm in love and I like being that way." She sniffed. "Besides, you aren't cool enough to have any big, hairy and Italian guys talk to you in your sleep."

"I have the walrus." Niki shot back.

"And I talk to Bob in my dreams." Valerie stuck out her tongue.

"And I'm the only sane one here," Mallory replied.

Valerie clutched a hand to her heart. "Ouch that hurt!"

Mallory rolled her eyes. "I assume you're being sarcastic."

"Good guess."

Julie felt tears well up in her eyes. "You guys . . . you guys are so cruel!" she choked out. "You don't care about my feelings!"

"No not really." Niki winced when Mallory elbowed her hard in the side. "What I mean is that . . . of course we care about you!"

"You do?"

"Sure. Why not."

"Yey!" Julie was suddenly happy again. "So, should I be Mrs. Tuxedo Dego or just Mrs. Dego?"

The others groaned. "Here we go again."

After lunch Julie walked the halls alone. The others had offered to walk with her, but she had refused. They just didn't understand! They were so insensitive. What do they know about being in love?

Okay, so technically, as Mallory had pointed out, she couldn't really be in love. After all, except for in her dreams, she had only seen the guy once. And she was kind of obsessing over him. But, just SLIGHTLY obsessing. Besides . . . Julie was gifted. She ought to know when she was in love!

Yep, that settled it. Julie said to herself. I'm smart enough to know when I'm in love. And, I'm in love. Whoever Tuxedo Dego is, he's the only one for me! And, as soon as I'm old enough, I'm gonna be Mrs. Tuxedo-- "

Hey, wait a second.

Julie stopped suddenly and she felt her body do a full 180 degrees Exorcist turn. Who was that?She found herself staring at a guy, her mouth hanging open. The guy was just walking down the hall, book bag slung over his shoulder and earphones on his head.

Wow, that has got to be like the coolest guy in the whole world! Julie knew that her eyes had turned into little beating hearts. Forget about Tuxedo-What's-His-Name! Julie knew that NOW she was REALLY in love.

It is now my mission to find out everything I can about the mysteriously cool guy!

Julie told herself. Forget about fighting evil. This was much more important.

"Oh, yeah, that's Alex," Valerie said. It was after school and the four girls were meeting in their secret hideout (a.k.a: The AV Room). In order to keep people from being suspicious, they pretended that the meetings were actually for the club, SPAAK, also known as The Society Of People Who Can't Spell.

"Alex. . ." Julie sighed dreamily. "It's like music . . ."

Mallory shook her head. "You are so pathetic."

"Whatever happened to Tuxedo Dego?" Valerie questioned.

"Tuxedo Who?"

"The one you were going to marry."

"Oh, him? He was so five minutes ago. I've decided to be Mrs. Alex . . ." Julie frowned. "What's his last name again?"


"The car?"

"No. KarollO, not CarollA."

"Right. Mrs. Alex Karollo."

Krystina was getting angry. "We are not here to talk about boys, we are here to hold a secret meeting! What if someone were to walk in on us before anything was to be accomplished?"

"Oh, that's not gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"Because I put a notice outside the door," Valerie said proudly. "Please do not disturb. Secret meeting of the Moo people being held inside. Very vital to the safety of this world as we know it. Come back in half an hour. Thank you."

Krystina shook her head. "Thank you for keeping this meeting both SECRET and LOW-PROFILE."

"No problem."

"Now, what new information have we found out about Mr. Mister's evil plan?"

"Niki's the secretary, she should know." They all turned to Niki who was lying on the floor, snoring quietly.


"So, did anyone do the research like I asked them to?" Krystina turned to them and they all looked away. "You didn't do anything?"

"Well, I was going to, but then my mom left the sprinklers on and they flooded my hall and-- " Valerie didn't have a chance to finish her lame excuse.

"Mr. Walrus, don't go!" Niki jumped up, her eyes wide.

The others stared at her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Who's the walrus?"

Niki was confused. "What? What walrus?"

"Every time you fall asleep at school you start dreaming about a walrus. Don't you remember?"

"No, not really."

"Okay!" Valerie clapped her hands. "I do have some business to discuss. As you all know, Bob is also a sailor soldier like we are. The only problem is that Krystina didn't give her a name."

The others exchanged glances.

Valerie smiled. "And after much deliberation, Bob and I decided that she would be known as Sailor Unknown, due to the fact no one knows she's actually there. Except me, of course." She took a deep breath. "So, what do you guys think?"

Mallory and Niki exchanged glances again. They both turned to Julie. "So, why don't you tell us more about Alex?" They asked simultaneously.

Mr. Mister was pissed. How could his henchmen be so stupid? Why couldn't he get someone with a brain to do his bidding? Oh yeah, I remember now . . . it's because this is Loserville.

If Mr. Mister had a choice in the matter, he would have chosen another location besides Loserville. But, unfortunately for him, something about this certain ritual could only be done at a certain place at a certain time when the moon would shine on a certain spot. He certainly wouldn't have minded it so much except for the awful humidity . . .

My hair just won't be the same when I go back home. To think, after all these years of living in Hell, I could still find a more miserable place. Mr. Mister realized he was looking forward to going back to Nakodish* (name changed for political reasons).

Mr. Mister clenched his fist. I could be home right now! But, no, I must stay here and make sure my idiotic henchmen don't screw up the ritual. Again.

If it weren't for those meddling kids . . .

His favorite henchman, Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff had been defeated by Sailor Moo. And now she had friends. Oh well, that was lucky. Jeff would be back, and the stupid sailor senshi would be defeated! Mwhahahahaha (evil laugh)

He sighed when he saw Professor Smeezer waddling up. Speaking of idiotic henchmen, look who's here . . .

Professor Smeezer attempted to kneel. "Master, I have shamed you."


"I have failed again, despite the measures I took to assure our victory."


"I deserve to be punished."


Professor Smeezer looked up. "I was just joking about the being punished part."

"I WASN'T" Mr. Mister rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He smiled as the perfect punishment dawned on him. "FOR FAILING ME, I SENTENCE YOU TO A HUNDRED YEARS OF TEACHING SECOND HOUR GEOMETRY!"

"No, please, don't!" Professor Smeezer gasped. "Anything but that! Condemn me to Hell, just don't send me back to that classroom!"

Mr. Mister felt sorry for the pathetic woman (He really should have felt sorry for the people in second hour geometry). "VERY WELL. I PITY YOU, SO I SHALL HEAR YOUR PLEA."

"What must I do?"


"But, how? Candicinsm was defeated."

"I HAVE SOLVED THAT PROBLEM FOR YOU." Standing up, Mr. Mister raised his arms to the air. "COME, JEFF, EVIL, EVIL, JEFF!" (dum dum dum)

At that moment, in a burst of flames, Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff stood standing before the throne looking as evil, and ugly, and scary as usual.

Professor Smeezer gasped. "How did you do that? Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff (dum dum dum) was dead!"


Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff laughed. "I was sent back to Hell. How I do hate Nakodish. But, as you can see, I am back! Thanks to Mr. Mister I am stronger (and uglier) than ever! Mwhahahahaha (evil laugh)


"Don't you think that's overkill?"


"As you wish."

Julie was crazy. Okay, so, no new information there, but she really was. Ever since seeing Alex, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She was obsessed with him. Big time. And she'd never even spoken to him. (Not that it mattered. Conversation was TOTALLY overrated)

After the meeting, she saw him again outside the school. For the last hour she had been following him. She tried not to make it obvious. She kept a good three yards between them.

The poor guy. He had no idea he was being followed by a psychopathic looney and her friends.

Valerie, Niki, and Mallory were keeping at a safe distance. They weren't following Alex, they were following Julie to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

Yeah right.

As the group was rounding the corner, they thought they were home-free when they saw Alex going into his house. There was no way she'd follow him in there. Or would she?

They didn't get a chance to find out, seeing as Julie ran into a tree and fell to the ground before even seeing him go in.

"Julie!" They all yelled. The three girls rushed to her side to help their fallen leader up. "Are you okay?"

Julie stared dreamily off into space (she seemed to do that a lot). "I'm fine . . . just a little . . . ouch. Love can really hurt."

"She's fine."

"Not for long!" an evil voice called out. The four turned to see three figures standing ten feet away.

"No! It can't be!" Julie yelled.

"What? What?" The others yelled in confusion.

"It's Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff!"


The ugly person pretended to be shocked. "What? You've never heard of me? Oh well, you'll know soon enough. It's always important to know the name of the person who will destroy you! Mwhahahahaha! (Evil laugh)

"Not if we have anything to say about it!" In unison, the four soldiers pulled out their mechanical pencils.





All four transformed and stood before Jeff who was not impressed. Julie stepped forward. "People who-- "

"Oh, please!" He cut her off. "Spare the cheesy lines. They will only postpone your end a few moments!"

"Well, every second counts. And now, in the name of cows, I'll punish you!"

Jeff laughed. "You were lucky last time. This time, I did not come alone!" The two figures on either side of him suddenly leapt forward.

"Ah! Who are you?" The senshi yelled.

"I am Rootbear and Almonds-- ."

"And I am Mountain Dew and Cashews--."

"Together, we will destroy you!" They cried out in unison.

"God, what is it with carbonated beverages and nuts?" Julie yelled.

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff just shrugged. "I don't know. Are you worried yet?"

"Of course not!" Niki yelled.

"Yeah, we can beat you!" Mallory said.

"Oh, really? And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Well, actually . . . We were kinda going for running and screaming." Valerie replied.

"Why don't you use your powers?"

"It's funny you mention that . . . we kinda don't have any . . ."

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff was shocked. "What? No powers?"

"We'll have them soon! We just . . . don't have them yet."

Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff sighed. "Damn, where's the challenge if you don't fight back?"

"I have powers!" Julie said.

"Do you think I care?" Jeff snapped his fingers. "Rootbear and Almonds, Mountain Dew and Cashews, finish them all!" With that, he was gone.

Julie was hurt. "I really wanted to kill him . . . again."

MC smiled. "Don't worry, you can try and kill us!"

"Not that you'll ever succeed," RA added.

Grabbing her tiara, Julie glared at them. "That's what you think."

But, before she could throw it, the two evil people started to glow.

"Oh great, what now?" Mallory asked.

"It is a protecting shield," MC explained. "Your little frisbee will never be able to break through."


"Aw, don't be sad!" RA cried out. "The best part is yet to come!"

"What do you mean?"

The two evil people grabbed hands, and a huge black hole appeared in the sky. "We condemn you to the Dimension of Unspecified Time!" (dum dum dum)

"The WHAT??!!" The scouts yelled in confusion.

"The Dimension of Unspecified Time!" (dum dum dum)

"Wait, I don't get it!" Mallory said.

RA rolled her eyes. "The Dimension of Unspecified Time is a dimension that will send you to an unspecified time."

"Oh, okay. I get it now."

"Wait!" Niki said.

"What now?" MC asked, annoyed.

"Exactly where and when in the unspecified time period are you going to send us?"

Valerie rolled her eyes. "You are such a gift head. It's unspecified time. That means that the time they send us to will be unspecified."

"Right . . ."

"I don't see how you idiots have lived so long!" RA said. "You are freaking stupid! I hope you end up in Nakodish!"

"No!" Julie yelled in fear. "Not Nakodish!" (dum dum dum)

"Yes! Nakodish!" (dum dum dum)

"But, that's so mean!"

MC rolled her eyes. "I guess that's why they call us evil. Duh."

"Enough chit chat!" RA grinned wickedly. She raised her arms and the black hole grew bigger, encircling the scouts. "DIMENSION OF UNSPECIFIED TIME!" she yelled.

There was a huge explosion, and then everything went black.

The four scouts regained consciousness, but everything was still black.

"Whoa. Are we dead?" Niki asked.

"If we are, it's not Heaven," Valerie replied.

"Where are we?" Mallory looked around.

"I know where we are." The three looked to Julie. "It's not Heaven. It's the other place."

"You mean-- "

"Yes." Julie nodded gravely. "We're in Nakodish."

Finally, there was light. But what they saw made them gasp in horror. Around them spread a barren landscape, covered with ruins of a once great temple. The trees stood crooked, long since dead, and there was no grass.

It seemed to have been the site of a great war. A war that had destroyed the once beautiful place and left it ugly and in pieces. There was no life. No person walked the land and no bird sang from the dismal trees.

"So . . . this is Nakodish." Valerie looked around. "Wow, it really sucks here."

"You're telling me." Julie took a step towards the remains of the temple. "Do you think they have a phone?"

"Oh yeah . . . I'm sure they have a phone." Mallory rolled her eyes. "Even if they did, what would you do? Order pizza?"

"Now that's an idea." Niki started following Julie.

"Where are you guys going?"

"Who knows?"


SMoo Randomness:
Valerie: Don't listen to her, Julie! Bite her bloody ears off!