After a while, Julie had gotten used to fighting evil. At first it wasn't much fun because all Krystina did was harass her about being a good "Soldier of Moo" and a "Leader of the other Moo People" . . . Like she cared.
Things had gotten better. School still sucked, but at least she had an interesting extracurricular activity. And it seemed that ever since she had been "awakened," her dreams had become more detailed.
Julie sighed happily as she remembered what happened last night.
She was at the field of peanuts again, frolicking with goats. This time instead of drinking coke, she stood by the river and waited. And then there he was.
Slowly, the big, hairy, Italian guy approached. When he touched her shoulder she felt a tingle of warmth.
His voice was deep. "So, you have finally come."
Julie found herself speechless. "Yeah . . . uh . . . yeah. . ."
"I am glad you are safe."
Julie felt her heart melt. "You are?" she squeaked with excitement.
"Of course, my Princess."
Barely able to contain her joy, Julie calmly attempted to breathe. She really wanted to jump up and down, screaming, but that would only make the big, hairy, Italian guy think she was weird. Oh wow! He said MY! He said MY! He called me-- wait a second . . . PRINCESS? Now she was confused.
"Do you remember who I am?" he asked gently.
"Of course I do!" Julie laughed nervously. "You're . . . Big . . . Hairy . . . and Italian . . . Guy." No, that wasn't lame.
"I see. Don't worry, my Princess. Soon you will remember . . ." The big, hairy, Italian guy's face faded away as it was replaced by Krystina's angry look.
"Julie! What are you doing? I was trying to explain to you about our methods for finding the other sailors." Krystina waved a paw in front of Julie's face. "Are you listening?"
"Sorry. I was remembering my dream . . . "
"Well, now we need to work."
Life was still kind of boring. Krystina made her do more work then she ever did in English (which was none). Julie couldn't wait till she found the other soldiers so they could do the work for her.
That Monday, Julie found herself sitting in the assistant principal's office, awaiting her punishment.
Julie had been late to school . . . again. She couldn't help it. Maybe if she got a better car . . .
"Miss Kwaites, I presume?"
"That's me." Julie stared at the woman. The assistant principal was scary. And mean. Hey! Maybe she was evil too! In that case, Julie could kill her, and no more Saturday schools.
"Miss Kwaites," I am disappointed to tell you this, but you are the person who's had the second most tardies and absences so far this school year. I'm sure that you, however, are not upset to hear this seeing how you obviously tried so hard to accomplish something and you finally succeeded."
"Actually, I am kind of depressed. I was the one with the SECOND most number of tardies?"
"Yes. A freshman by the name of Niki Reneir seems to have beat you out."
Julie narrowed her eyes. Damn freshmen . . .
"Miss Kwaites, you are excused." Julie's eyes brightened. Yes! Maybe she was getting off easy. She always knew she loved the assistant--
"Don't forget about Saturday."
Julie frowned. All assistant principals should die.
Mallory Leigh put her book down in disgust. How was she supposed to read when people wouldn't shut up and be quiet?
Okay, so technically, she wasn't supposed to be reading. She was supposed to be paying attention to the teacher. But, did anyone pay attention in second hour geometry?
Mallory looked out to the class. Yep, it was the same as always. Half the class was passing notes and making spit balls. The other half was talking and laughing loudly. Her eyes widened in shock. Was that guy over there trying to hump the desk?
She so did not want to know.
Mallory turned away in disgust. At the front of the class, Mrs Smeezer was trying to talk about rhomberrys . . . or something. She usually felt bad when nobody paid attention to the teachers. She, however, did NOT feel sorry for Mrs. Smeezer.
There was something about that woman. She seemed so stupid . . . yet . . . For weeks, Mallory had been pondering about what Mrs Smeezer really was. She always got a bad feeling when she thought of the teacher. She had finally figured out one thing.
Mrs Smeezer is evil. She must be destroyed.
Mallory laughed to herself. Who was she kidding? There was no such thing as TRUE EVIL. Besides, she wasn't exactly known for being a violent person. She picked up the book again. At least ONE person wasn't disrupting her reading.
The one person Mallory had been referring to was none other than Niki Reneir. At that time, Niki was in a deep slumber. A puddle of drool had already formed on her desk.
She did that a lot. Sleeping, I mean. I don't think that she ever stayed awake an entire class period. Niki had good reason though.
Niki had read somewhere that the average teenager needs at least eight hours of sleep a night. Finding herself well above average, she figured it to mean that she needed to sleep at least twice as long.
Okay, so maybe the logic was a little out of whack, but like there was anything better to do. School was a pointless, meaningless, waste of time. So, rather than wasting her life learning nothing, Niki preferred to waste her life sleeping.
"Zzzz . . ." Niki snored quietly as she tossed in her sleep. She was dreaming of a happy place . . . a place of knowledge.
In her sleep, Niki walked around a brightly colored world. It kind of reminded her of that video game she was SLIGHTLY obsessed with.
"Wow . . ." Niki called out to no one in her dream. "I think I'm dreaming." (She is known for being an exceptionally brilliant child) Niki followed a weatherbeaten path down to a small valley. She knew that one day she would follow a path that led to the secrets of the universe, therefore leading to world domination. (She had big dreams of being the most powerful person alive while still getting her twenty hours of sleep a day)
Finally she made it into the valley, and there she saw a most wonderful sight.
It was a walrus.
"Wow . . ." Niki breathed. "I want to be fat like him! All round in the middle and have my legs taper down to a fin . . ."
The walrus turned towards Niki.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I am the great walrus."
"Niki, do you know why you dream of me?" It asked in a deep, slow voice.
"Because I'm obsessed with odd things?"
"No. It is because you seek the secrets and knowledge of the world."
"Oh yeah, right."
"I am a representation of the future. I symbolize what is to come."
"Wow!" Niki jumped up and down excitedly. "Do you mean that in the future I'm gonna be fat, all round in the middle and have my legs taper down into a fin?"
"No! Think more symbolically."
"Oh . . ." Niki paused, her face scrunched up into her "thinking" position. "I don't understand."
"Do not worry, soon you will. When you awaken from this dream, you shall not remember our meeting. But, when you truly "awaken," and your past is revealed, then you shall remember."
"Okay . . . I'm confused now . . . Are you sure about-- "
But before Niki could finish her quest for knowledge, she woke up.
At the same time, on the other side of Country Club High, an odd girl sat in the counnselor's office, talking to herself. Most people thought she was crazy because she talked to herself. But, she swore that she never talked to herself, she was always talking to her invisible friend.
Yeah, like THAT made people stop thinking she was crazy.
Valerie Champain didn't understand what the guy wanted. He told her to sit on his nice, leather couch and talk to her friend. So, she was doing just that.
"Bob, don't be scared. I know you think he's a wacko, I do too, but I don't think he's gonna kill us. He's a counselor. He says he's truly interested in listening to us talk." Valerie paused as if listening to a reply. "Yeah, I don't get why the walls are padded either. But, this could be the room the gymnasts perform in or something."
"Valerie, do you think you could uh . . . stop talking to . . . your friend for a moment?"
Valerie sniffed. "Wow, for an adult you sure are rude. We were trying to have a conversation, just like you asked."
"I understand that, but Valerie . . . listen to me."
The counselor leaned forward. He talked slowly, articulating each syllable as if talking to an insane person. "I want you to repeat after me."
Valerie leaned forward as well, mocking his seriousness. "Okay."
"I have no imaginary friend."
"She's not imaginary, she exists."
"Valerie, please. Just repeat. "I have no invisible friend."
"But I--" She stopped when the counselor glared. "I have no invisible friend," she responded obediently.
"There is no Bob."
"There is no Bob."
"I am a normal, happy, stable girl."
"I am a normal, happy, stable girl."
"Now," he paused. "Breathe in deeply."
"Now, breathe in-- "
"Don't repeat! Do it!"
"Right." Valerie took a deep breath.
"Now," The counselor smiled. "Don't we feel better."
"We feel much better," Valerie replied.
"You may go now."
As she left the counselor's office, Valerie turned to the side. "You aren't mad at me, are you? It's not my fault he, and the rest of the school are too stupid to realize you exist." She paused, giggling. "Yeah, I think the padded walls were for him too."
At the same time, deep in the "bad" section of Loserville, (a.k.a the "Projects" of Beau Chene), the evil people were once again attempting to complete the ritual that would grant them total and complete power.
"PROFESSOR SMEEZER,"Mr. Mister said in a menacing voice. "YOU HAVE FAILED ME."
Professor Smeezer bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry, it's just that we had interference from-- "
"ENOUGH OF YOUR EXCUSES!" Mr. Mister yelled. "WHERE IS MY HENCHMAN, JEFF, EVIL, EVIL, JEFF? (dum dum dum)"
"He was banished, sir."
"BANISHED? HOW CAN THAT BE?"
"Well, Sailor Moo showed up and-- "
"ENOUGH OF YOUR EXCUSES!" The cloaked figure rubbed his "chin" thoughtfully. "WHO WILL REPLACE HIM?"
"I have found someone who will not fail you."
"GOOD! NOW, GO!"
Bentfence was curious. "Mother, who will replace Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff?"
"We must get Candicinsm! (dum dum dum)"
Bentfence's eyes widened in shock. "No, not Candicinsm!" (dum dum dum)
"Yes, Candicinsm!" (dum dum dum)
Julie was bored. It was Saturday and she was at school. Life really sucked. Julie looked around the small room. There were three other people there too. Julie knew they were freshmen, but she decided she could lower her standards and maybe talk to them.
She approached the one who was reading. "Hi, I'm Julie."
The girl put her book down. "I'm Mallory."
"Wow." Julie had nothing to say. She wasn't quite sure how to talk to freshmen. She knew that since they were primitive beings they might not be able to understand her if she used too highly an advanced form of communication. She decided to talk very slowly.
"Who is that girl over there?" She gestured to the sleeping figure.
"That's Niki. She sleeps. A lot."
"And the girl in the corner is Valerie."
"Why is she talking to herself?"
Mallory leaned in closer, attempting to whisper so as not to be rude. 'Well . . . I don't really know her, but people say she's talking to her invisible friend. I think everyone kind of thinks she's a loony."
"What are you in for?"
"I got too many tardies." Julie smiled proudly. "Second most in the school, actually."
"Congratulations. I kinda threw a calculator at my teacher's head. She deserved it. Niki was sleeping in class."
"I tried to bite someone's ear off."
Julie jumped at the voice. She hadn't seen Valerie approach. She backed away slowly. "You tried to bite someone's ear off?"
Valerie shrugged. "It seemed like the right thing to do."
"Oh." Julie found herself backed against the opposite wall. Valerie smiled.
"You don't need to be afraid of me. I only kill people on Tuesdays."
"Right." Julie sighed with relief. "That's always good to know."
"No, Mr Walrus! Don't go!" They all turned to see Niki. She was running around the room with her eyes closed, yelling out incomprehensible things.
Mallory frowned. "I think she's sleep . . . running."
"Looks that way."
"Ow!" Niki yelled in pain when she ran into the door. Opening her eyes, she grinned. "Oh, hi. I didn't realize anyone was here."
Valerie rolled her eyes. "And they think I'm weird."
In the several hours they were trapped in the school, the four girls realized they had a lot in common. All of them were kind of strange . . . alright, REALLY strange, but that was okay. After the punishment was over, they decided to walk home together.
"Bob thinks you guys are pretty cool."
"Bob?" Julie questioned. She looked at Mallory who was mimicking a person is a straight jacket. "Oh, right."
"Yeah. You know, most people don't think she really exists."
"Who would ever think that?"
"I don't know. People just don't understand, I guess."
Julie was about to say something sympathetic when a huge explosion sounded, knocking all four girls ungracefully to the ground. "Oh no, not again!" She yelled.
Mallory jumped up, looking around nervously. "What happened?" she cried.
A horrible burst of evil laughter came suddenly from the settling dust. And before the girls' eyes stood a fat, hideously ugly creature.
"Who are you?" Niki asked.
"I am Candicinsm the Evil. I was sent by Mr. Mister to destroy all who oppose our evil plans!"
"What evil plans?" Mallory shook her head. "Wait, I'm confused."
"Prepare to die!"
"Not if I have anything to say about it!" With a horrible shriek, Valerie jumped on top of the creature and started biting her.
With a powerful blow, Candicinsm knocked the girl to the ground. "What the hell were you trying to do to me?"
"I was attempting to bite your head off."
Valerie shrugged. "I don't know. It seemed like the right thing to do."
"Well, now I'm really going to make you wish you didn't try to do that!" Candicinsm reached behind her back and pulled out two hand grenades. Popping the tops, she threw them towards the girls. "I NEVER SHOWER--ATTACK!"
Billows of a putrid smoke escaped from the grenades as they hit the ground.
"Ah the stench!" Mallory yelled, holding her nose.
"I can't breathe!" Valerie choked out.
Niki would have said something except the gas had made her pass out. She fell to the ground and was immediately asleep.
"I know what to do!" Julie grabbed the pencil from her pocket. Holding it up in the air, she yelled. "MOO PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!"
Before Mallory and Valerie's shocked eyes, Julie transformed into Sailor Moo.
Julie stood proudly, her hands on her hips. Once again, she would fight evil by saying something "witty". "It's not right to attack innocent girls with stink bombs, especially right after they were in Saturday School. Besides, everyone knows it's important to keep clean by showering daily. For all the poor people who find themselves within a hundred yards of your stench, in the name of cows, I'll punish you!"
Candicinsm rolled her eyes. "Should I be impressed?"
"You should. I defeated Jeff, Evil, Evil, Jeff!" Julie glared. "Now it's your turn!"
"I am ten times more evil than Jeff was! Compared to me, he was the Diet Coke of evil! One evil power, not evil enough!" She could have stopped there, but NO, she had to keep talking. "Compared to him, I am the caffeine-free Diet Coke of evil, which is very evil! I'm so evil, in fact, I am the carbonated and caffeine-free Diet Coke! No, I'm the completely flavorless, tastes like cardboard, carbonated and caffeine-free Diet Coke of evil. One-- "
"Okay, you know what? I get your point. You're evil."
"Yeah. That about sums it up."
Julie pulled off her tiara. "Say your prayers." She threw it. "MOO FRISBEE!"
Candicinsm batted the tiara to the side and laughed.
Julie's eyes widened. "Uh-Oh . . ."
"Hah! Do you really think you can beat me with your premature powers?" Before Julie had a chance to act, a huge splurt of gooey white stuff flew from Candicinsm's hands. "MAYONNAISE ATTACK!"
The mayonnaise hit Julie and the others, covering them thickly. "I can't move!"
Smiling wickedly, Candicinsm moved in for the kill.
Julie shut her eyes tightly, preparing for the final blow. I'm too young to die! But, instead of being blown up into little pieces, she heard a painful scream. Julie looked up to see Krystina, clawing at Candicinsm's eyes.
Bleeding profusely from several wounds, Candicinsm drew back. "Damn you, cat!"
"Krystina, you saved my life!" Julie yelled out joyfully.
"Now's not the time." Krystina ran to Julie and put down three mechanical pencils she had been holding. "Quickly, give these to the others!"
"You mean . . ." Julie looked to Niki, Mallory, and Valerie in shock.
"Yes, they are the other soldiers!"
Now, the three girls were shocked to hear that they were Sailor Senshi (Niki had woken up meanwhile), but you know, whatever. I mean, why not? They had nothing better to do. Each of them grabbed a mechanical pencil and raised them above their heads. Before Krystina could explain what to do, they had already begun transforming. It was as if they were remembering something they had done in the past, a long time ago (hint, hint) . . .
"UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
"24601 RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
"PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!"
Suddenly, the three found themselves without clothes on. "Ah!" they all screamed. "I'm naked!"
Mallory was the first to transform. In a glittering shower of sparkles, she was immediately clothed in a pale leotard with a short pink skirt and sparkling shoes. A star shimmered and grew brighter as it appeared on her forehead. "Sailor Unico!" she cried out.
As a huge wave of green jello came pouring down and as big globs stuck to her skin, Niki found herself clothed in a leotard with a lavender bow. Like Mallory, a pale blue skirt and calve-length boots suddenly just kind of grew. . . A light, sparkling tiara appeared. "Sailor 24601!" she yelled.
Meanwhile, while the others were transforming, Valerie had run to hide behind some bushes. Suddenly, she began to glow as she started spinning wildly through the air as her outfit formed. A leotard appeared as well as a light green skirt and high-heeled shoes. "Sailor Psychy!" She screamed.
Valerie looked down at her outfit with a relieved sigh. "Good, I have clothes on."
"Damnation!" Candicinsm cursed. She realized now that the other soldiers had awakened, she was in big trouble.
Mallory put her hands on her hips. "Watch your language. There is never any need for profanity."
Niki rolled her eyes. "Oh, please."
Candicinsm grinned. "You're right. I have nothing to worry about. Even together, you still can not defeat me."
"And, why is that?" Julie challenged.
"Because I have this!" Yelling out some kind of evil-sounding thing, Candicinsm spun around and whipped a radio out of nothingness.
Julie frowned. "What are you going to do? Try to bore us to death with AM radio channels?"
"No! I'm going to wipe you pathetic beings from existence! Mwhahahaha!" Laughing manically, Candicinsm turned the radio on full blast. "Bye, bye, bye . . ." voices started singing. (If you think about it, although she was evil, Candicinsm DID show a bit of mercy in the fact that she ONLY made them listen to N'Sync. She could have tortured them a lot more. Like by making them listen to Britney Spears.)
Julie reeled back in horror. "No! It can't be!"
The three other sailors all collapsed onto the ground, attempting to cover their ears. "Please, stop!" They begged.
"Never!" Candicinsm shrieked.
"Please, not N'Sync!" Julie cried.
"Anything but that!" Mallory screamed. (Except Britney Spears, of course)
"It's like Kryptonite . . . only a lot worse!" Niki said pitifully.
"Ah! The pain!" Valerie yelled out in agony. "Make it stop! Make it stop!"
Candicinsm just laughed louder, enjoying the effects the horrible torture was having on the defenders of love and justice.
Julie was once again preparing for death when suddenly --
A huge wave of peanuts shot from the sky, throwing Candicinsm into a tree. Before she could recover, a wash of caffeinated beverage flew towards the radio. The radio buzzed as sparks flew out and then it when dead. Four alive (but barely) soldiers stood up, relieved.
Julie felt her pulse quicken. A shadowy figure stood several yards away. Coke, she wondered. Peanuts? They seemed so familiar. The shadowy figure . . . They were all from her dreams!
"What the . . .? " Candicinsm said in confusion.
Before she could finish, the shadowy figure stepped out into the sunlight. He was big. And hairy. And Itallian. "You should never force innocent teenagers to listen to teenybopper music! Not only is it wrong, but it's also immoral! I have come to protect these girls from your evilness!"
"Who are you?" Candicinsm asked in fear.
"I am known as Tuxedo Dego."
Tuxedo Dego? Julie thought. Oh wow! He's so . . . so . . . big. Yeah, that was it. And he's so . . . hairy. She paused, a dreamy expression on her face as her eyes turned into little beating hearts. I think I'm in love.
"I don't care who you think you are!" Candicinsm yelled out evilly. "You will never defeat me!" Before she could throw out the deadly stink bombs of death, Tuxedo Dego rushed forward.
"SPAM ATTACK!" He yelled as coke and peanuts flew from his hands. As Candicinsm tried to fight off the snack foods, Tuxedo Dego turned to Julie. "Sailor Moo, now's your chance!"
Nodding, Julie took off her tiara. "MOO FRISBEE!"
Candicinsm screamed as the tiara hit her and she exploded into ashes.
"Yes!" Julie cried. She turned to Tuxedo Dego. "Thanks for saving my-- "
But no one was there.
The others all rushed forward. "Are you okay?" they asked.
Julie stared off into space. "Yeah . . . I'm in love."
Krystina shook her head. "Julie, be careful! You can't get too close to him! We know nothing about Tuxedo Dego. He could easily be our enemy!" But, Julie wasn't listening. Krystina turned to the others. "You are now sailor senshi. Your powers will appear soon, but for now you must be willing to just fight as best you can. Are you willing to make the sacrifices necessary to ensure the well-being of our planet?"
They all smiled. "Hai!" (Synchronized nods)