Radio Play


SMoo Forum
Quizzes, Etc.


Episode 24: "There's Someone In The House. Let's Play Hide-And-Go-Seek!"

Glass shattered. An alarm sounded.

"The rapists!" Valerie screamed in horror from her battle-ready position at the front door. "Quick, everyone! Hide and Go Seek!"

Pandemonium ensued as the once-silent house erupted with panicked, hysteria-filled screams that could barely be heard over the blaring alarm. As one irrational, mindless mass, the senshi continued screaming as they (unwisely) threw their (in some cases, rather sharp, and in most cases, quite lethal) weapons up into the air and broke out into frenzied dashes towards random parts of the house, as each girl headed for the room they felt provided the most secure hiding place, and with any luck, more weapons to throw in the air rather than at the intruders.

The first minute of frenzied dashing about proved to be in vain as the senshi ran around in circles, much more frequently into each other and inanimate objects (you know, a chair here, a piano there), than they did in any one particular direction.

Several girls were badly trampled and seriously injured on more than one rather important body part (you know, a leg here, a neck there) and were forced to continue their dash in a hopping, limping, whimpering sort of way. Bob was crushed so badly by several people kicking, stomping, and falling over her all at once that she lost consciousness and could no longer scream in pain as the (unintentional, but well deserved) abuse continued.

Unfortunately, no one found the time to fully appreciated Bob's current agony-filled state as one of the girls was shoved against the circuit breaker which she accidently flipped off and couldn't manage to get back on. Surprisingly, without any electricity or light to see by in any way, the senshi managed to free themselves from the tangled mass of bodies they had accumulated into and (somehow) managed to continue heading in the direction of their original planned hiding spot.

Valerie, knowing her house better than anyone, ran upstairs to her room and dove into the waist-high pile of crap (breaking several unidentifiable items and injuring herself on something quite sharp and pointy that jutted out from the sea of clothing) that had been accumulating steadily for the past five years. Three years ago, a racoon had crawled into her room from the window, got lost in the labyrinth of clothes and books, and died of hunger long before finding its way out. Even with the overpowering stench of decay for guidance, Valerie still couldn't find the bloody red panda-like creature.

There was no way any of the rapists would be able to find her there.

Mallory, who frequented Valerie's house frequently (but fortunately had never had the unfortunateness to have ever spent much time in the girl's room), was familiar with really only one room in the house. She ran to the downstairs office, looked around for several seconds before leaping into the closet and sliding the door shut behind her. A few seconds later, she came out of the closet, and hid under the desk instead.

Niki, pulling the nonexistent Timm by his nonexistent hand, followed Valerie upstairs, but rather than following her as far as her room (smart Niki), Niki veered right and ran into the hall bathroom. She and the nonexistent boy leaped into the shower/bath and (out of habit, I suppose), took off all of their clothing, turned on the water, and closed the curtain.

Eva, choosing to arm herself before finding a hiding place, pulled several large staff-like sticks from the laundry room (for protection) and ran into the garage. She nearly lost her footage when she stumbled over a huge pile of rocks, several cans of spray paint, and a little red wagon. Luckily, she managed to regain her balance (something the other, less coordinated, senshi would not have been able to do) before ducking down behind a chalk board with "summer school" and a scientific formula scribbled across it in yellow chalk, for extra concealment.

Special K, knowing that it's best to stock up on munchies when planning to go into hiding for a long period of time, ran into the kitchen and opened the breakfast food cabinet doors only to find a box of Special K. Not one to overlook the irony of situations, she grabbed the cereal, tucked it under her arm, and bent down to the lower cabinet level. Special K opened the doors and, finding the cabinet to be rather spacious, she proceeded to climb over the pots and pans and made herself at home in the cube-shaped space.

Vanessa, having thought immediately of her darling Malcolm when the alarm first started blaring, thought it only best to do exactly what he would have done in the same situation. She ran up the stairs to the guest bedroom and crawled under the bed. A moment later, Vanessa realized the error in her decision when she found her slightly-larger-than-a-cat's body wedged uncomfortably between the floor and the bed frame and completely unable to free herself from the narrow space.

Lisa, incapable of leaving her dear, would-be rescuer at the mercy of the rapists, dragged the blonde's unconscious body in the direction of the hall closet. Upon reaching the cupboard-like closet under the stairs, Lisa realized that it really wouldn't fit two people comfortably, so it's a good thing Bob wasn't awake to b*tch about it. Sighing, she lugged the unconscious figure into the closet and shut the door behind them. Neither one came back out of the closet.

Megami, having witnessed the vague outlines of a herd of girls running frantically all around the room, then into each other, then out of the room, didn't know exactly what to do. He had lost track of Mallory in the mad dashing in the dark, and so he thought it best to try and track her down in order to protect her (since that's what guys on dates are supposed to do). He wasn't sure exactly how he'd protect her since he wasn't big on violence . . . he had his piccolo in his pocket, so if it came down to a man-to-man fight, he could use that to hit the attacker over the head . . . or at least poke an eye out or something.

Reaching down into his pocket, Megami pulled out the piccolo and something else. Squinting in the dark, he tried to make out what the strange non-piccolo thing could be. As the elfyn-shaped cracker came into focus, it dawned on him. Of course! How could I have forgotten? Megami patted the little cracker's head and placed it on the coffee table. It was nearly midnight, and it would be best if the cracker wasn't in his pocket when midnight struck . . . particularly not if anyone else was around. A moment later, he began the search for his date in the unfamiliar house.

Meanwhile, back in The Room . . .

"You stupid klutz!" Sailor Pink screamed over the blaring alarm at the incompetent PerkyFluffyBunny, who was blushing furiously while absently shuffling around the broken glass with her foot. "I mean, was it too much to ask for a simple, successful covert mission? Apparently it was, because you just had to go and jump through a freaking window, didn't you?!"

"Um . . . in my defense," PerkyFluffyBunny squeaked out fearfully. "I didn't jumpthrough so much as I fell . . . accidently, of course. And it wasn't so much through as into--"

"Either way," Pink interrupted, still screaming, "your complete and utter imbecilness lost us the advantage of surprise!"

"String her up!" Sailor ChibiS whooped while pointing at PerkyFluffyBunny, her eyes shining with glee and bloodlust. The other girls joined in on the whooping, and before long, they were a fierce angry mob of short-skirted, oddly colored hair girls. PerkyFluffyBunny gulped in fear, her eyes wide and hands clasped around her neck in a protective, I'm-really-rather-fond-of-it sort of way.

"Or . . ." Boris interjected, stepping between the mob and the other pink haired girl in a poor attempt at keeping peace. "If PerkyFluffyBunny's accidental fall and the alarm that ensued didn't alert them of our presence, then surely Pink's yelling just now did. So, all things considered, does it really matter who was responsible?"

"YES!" The other senshi (with the exception of PerkyFluffyBunny) yelled in return.

"Oh," Boris replied, wincing at their vicious and rather barbaric determination. Finding herself the minority, Boris decided to change sides quickly before the angry mob turned on her, and she was blamed for their current situation as well. Shrugging apologetically in PerkyFluffyBunny's direction, she grinned and threw her arms up in the air. "Then by all means, string her up! We can make a party out of it!"

"Oh boy!" Sailor Tange cried gleefully. "Can I be in charge of cups and ice?"

"Forget the party," Sailor ChibiS said quietly, taking a menacing step towards PerkyFluffyBunny who cowered away in fear. "Let's just finish this here and now."

"Stop! Stop! STOP!" Sailor Cranberry yelled suddenly, successfully stopping the other senshi who turned towards her, more than slightly annoyed that she had disrupted the angry mob vibe thing they had going. "You people are completely out of control!"

"How so?" ChibiS challenged, slowly lowering the knife she had pressed against PerkyFluffyBunny's throat.

"Well, look at yourselves!"

"That's not as easy as it--"

"Shut up, Tange." Cranberry continued. "Here we are on a mission, and we find ourselves in a situation where we can act swiftly by using the broken window to our advantage to determine whether or not these girls are a threat by actually taking them on face to face rather than hiding in the shadows. Depending on how we handle the confrontation will determine whether or not further action must be taken to ensure the immunity of our mission. Follow my logic?"

"I think I would, but I'm not real good with the logic thing," PerkyFluffyBunny said, now several yards from the others and prepared to make a run for it if the senshi got bored and decided to try to lynch her again. "Besides, I read somewhere that thinking logically is actually harmful to your physical health. Those who don't think logically and who don't smoke are far less likely to die from lung cancer than those who think logically and smoke. Several studies have come to the same conclusion, or something very similar at least."

"You lost me awhile back," Tange confessed to Cranberry. "My mind has the tendency to wander after a short period of time, and your little motivational speech was just far too long. As my mind wandered, I suddenly found my shoes very amusing and I found myself contemplating what my shoelaces would say about the condition of the workforce today and whether or not that, as manual laborers, they would try and demand fair treatment and better working hours, assuming they could talk of course. When that got old, I started counting to ten, made it halfway there, lost track of what I was doing, and then stared into space until you were done talking."

Shaking her head, Cranberry closed her eyes and groaned. I hate my life. "Did anyone actually pay attention to what I said?"

"I did," Light said. "And I agree. The time to act is now. The alarm warned them of our presence, and assuming that they are worthy adversaries, they have probably already regrouped and began planning their own attack (ha ha, yeah right). The quicker we strike, the less prepared they'll be, and that will give us the upper hand we need."

"I'm glad someone gets it," Cranberry said, relieved to know she wasn't the only one of the seven with half a brain that functioned relatively well.

"We'll split into groups," Pink suggested. "Cranberry, Light, and Boris, you three will be our main line of defense, drawing their attention as ChibiS and I attack from within." The aforementioned senshi nodded in understanding and agreement (not to mention synchronization).

"What about us?" Tange and PerkyFluffyBunny asked, frowning at being left out of the plan. "What can we do to help?"

"For the sake of the almighty Great One, whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstance, enter that house!" Pink commanded. Their frowns broadened. "Fine then. If you want to be useful, guard the backdoor and broken window, but DO NOT do anything unless you see them exiting the house and heading your way. And even then, whatever you do, please refrain from running around like poultry or rabid microscopic sea creatures."

The two senshi nodded in synchronization, each vowing to uphold their part of the crucial mission, no matter how uncritical those rolls actually were.

"Any questions?" Pink asked the others, looking at each individual girl.

"Just one," ChibiS declared, once again drawing forth her knife. "If we perceive these girls to be an immediate threat and a danger to our mission, how do we act?"

"In whatever way you think is necessary."

Sailor ChibiS broke out into a wide grin. "Excellent."

"Now that that's settled, let's move on out! Er, IN!" Cranberry corrected herself, pointing to the broken window that was just big enough to crawl through, one at a time.

And so, the attack began.

Lying completely submerged in the waist-high pile of crap in her room, Valerie once again reached out over her head and tried to shove some of the crap to the sides so as to have proper ventilation and another gulp of fresh air. Unfortunately, the crap kept shifting on its own accord, effectively blocking her only means of air supply as well as her only means of telling which way was up so as to prevent from drowning in the sea of clothing . . . among other things.

As Valerie continued to push the crap away from her, she ended up digging her own little trench with the crap piled high on three sides. Oh . . . I feel like I'm in a war movie. Of course, I don't like war movies and I've never bothered to watch any of them, so I really don't know what to do exactly. I guess I could stay hidden here and wait for the enemy to appear from over the hill of crap . . .

This isn't going to work, Valerie thought with a sigh a moment later when still no rapist had appeared. At this rate, I'll die from suffocation or hunger long before . . . oh, no wait! What's this? It's that ham sandwich I lost a couple weeks ago. I wonder if it's still any good . . .

Just as she was about to take a big, juicy bite out of the moldy, meaty surprise, a persistent beeping stopped her before she could gnaw off a chew. Confused, Valerie glanced around her barricade of crap, but she could not find the thing responsible for the annoying beeping.

What the . . . Valerie looked down at her wrist. Oh! She thought in surprise. My Rugrats talking watch! I totally forgot I even owned one, much less that I wear it on a regular basis. She pressed the flashing button on the pale green watch and the beeping stopped.

"Valerie, are you there?" A small, frantic voice asked through the watch.


"What? No! It's me, Mallory. Where are you?"

"I'm upstairs, hiding in my room. You?"

"I'm downstairs in the office. I came out of the closet."

"Oh, really? Good for you."

"You didn't let me finish. I came out of the closet and hid under the desk instead." There was a pause. "Have you seen anyone else?"

"Nope. But then again, even if someone actually did hide in my room with me, I doubt I would have noticed. I mean, I can't even find a dead racoon, much less a living, breathing person."

"I wonder where they are," Mallory mused. "I have yet to see or hear from any of the rapists, so maybe we're safe."

"It's a possibility. I mean, if my damn obnoxious alarm didn't scare them off (or anno the hell out of them, whichever's easier), then I don't know what will."

"Hey guys," another voice chimed in over the watch-like communicators. "What's going on?"


"No, it's me, Niki."

"Where are you?" Valerie asked.

"In the upstairs bathroom. Can't you hear the shower? Dead giveaway."

"Are you sure that's a safe place to hide?" Mallory questioned, her voice filled with concern. "I mean .. . you're not going to get like, electrocuted or anything?"

"Oh, please," Niki scoffed. "Like I'm stupid enough to jump into the shower while blow drying my hair. I'm not Valerie, you know."

"I see how it is," Valerie sniffed. "Let's bring THAT up again. Valerie's the stupid one who electrocutes herself for fun. But in my defense, it was a LONG time ago, and it was an accident!"

"Sure, sure," Niki replied, silently scoffing again. "Anyway, I'm gonna go. I need to help Timm with the CD player. We're trying to rig up this floating device but it's difficult, what with all of the extension cords and stuff. Over and out." Then she was gone.

"Some help she was," Valerie said dryly. "Damn hypocrite."

Mallory didn't reply. She was too focused on doing something useful. Like trying to get in touch with the other senshi. "I think I've got someone!" Mallory said excitedly as another communicator actually communicated. "Vanessa, is that you?' she asked.

"Sure is," came the meek reply. It sounded as though she was in a lot of pain.

"Are you okay?" Mallory asked, her voice filled with concern.

"To be honest, not really. I'm actually in quite a lot of pain."

"Where are you?"

"Under the bed in the spare room. There's not really a lot of space down here, and I'm having a lot of trouble breathing, what with the weight of the bed pressing me down into the floor which is, in turn, painfully crushing my ribs."

"Oh . . . I'm sorry?" Mallory said, not really sure how to comfort the girl. Luckily, Valerie knew exactly what to do.

"There, there," she soothed. "Pat, pat. You have now been the very fortunate recipient of my sympathetic pat of sympathy," Valerie explained. "Someone cares. Not necessarily me, but someone."

"Thanks," Vanessa replied, somewhat more cheerfully. "I feel strangely comforted."

"Works every time."

"Vanessa," Mallory cut in, not one to linger on unimportant, frivolous things when serious matters were at hand. "Have you heard from anyone else?"

"Yeah. I just got a communication from Eva. She used her mysterious, disembodied voice for effect. It was cool. Anyway, she's hiding in the garage, and she said that Special K is hiding in the kitchen cabinets."

"Great. Then that leaves just . . . Bob and Lisa unaccounted for."

"I tried to get in contact with Bob, but no luck," Vanessa said, her voice strained (but whether from concern or overwhelming pain, they weren't sure). "And Lisa--"

"Hasn't been given a communicator watch yet," Mallory finished. "Damn it."

"What should we do?" Vanessa asked.

"Bob and Lisa might be in trouble. We should group up and form a search party. We're stronger in numbers And we still don't know what we're up against . . ."

"Well, I know my opinion isn't necessarily valued or desired in any way, but I don't think we should even bother searching for them," Valerie said. "I mean, you all know how I feel about Bob, and Lisa . . . well, as a mere freshman, she's expendable. I say we label them as a couple of MIAs, or POWs, or any other capitalized letter combinations of your choice, have a moment of silence, shed a few tears, and then call it a day."

"You're right, you know," Mallory said sarcastically. "Your opinion means nothing."

"I thought as much," Valerie replied. "So then, search party it is. Where we meeting?"

"Do you think we could possibly meet in the spare bedroom?" Vanessa asked. "I don't think I'll be moving any time soon."

"Spare bedroom it is," Mallory said, fully in control of the situation in temporary, unofficial leader mode. "See you all there in five minutes."

Six minutes later, Mallory, Eva, Special K, and Valerie stood in the spare bedroom by the bed that Vanessa was crushed under. They were standing because, as Valerie had demonstrated a mere minute before, sitting - much less, jumping - on the bed only hurt Vanessa more.

The senshi had tried to free the trapped girl, but lacking any amount of upper-body strength, lifting the bed proved to be completely out of their physical capabilities. They needed at least one more person.

"Where's Niki?" Special K asked. "Didn't anyone inform her about the rescue mission?"

"I did," Mallory said. "But you know Niki's philosophy on arriving on time: why bother? I'll show up when I feel like it, or I won't show up at all if I get enough sense to be lazy instead."

"Hmm . . ." Valerie mused aloud. "It's vaguely reminiscent of my own philosophy: Valerie is never late. Nor is she early. She arrives precisely when she means to."

"Or maybe she's fallen victim to the rapists," Vanessa suggested, her eyes wide (but whether from concern or overwhelming pain, they weren't sure).

"Have no fear," Niki said, grinning broadly as she entered the room. "Niki is here."

Mallory looked at her suspiciously. Niki was wearing the clothes she had been wearing before going into hiding, only now they were significantly more disheveled. Niki's shirt was a wrinkled blob and her pants were inside out. She appeared to be holding hands with her nonexistent boyfriend (though it was really hard to tell). "So . . . I see you and Timm are dating now."

"Oh no," Niki corrected, still grinning. "We're not dating. We're just having sex. Speaking of which . . . does anyone happen to have a cigarette?"

"Tsk, tsk, Niki Renier," Valerie admonished. "You know the rules. There is NO sex in the Champain house."

"My bad," Niki shrugged.

"Now that we're all here," Eva said, drawing the preoccupied senshi back to the task at hand. "Perhaps we should try to free Vanessa."

That proved, of course, to be more difficult than previously suspected. Even with Niki's help, the mattress didn't budge. Try as they did, the five girls still couldn't move the bloody bed. Some superheros they were.

"Come on, Niki," Valerie cried, while unsuccessfully straining to lift the bed. "Where's your super Jewish strength when you need it?"

"Hey, I never said I had any special Jewish powers," Niki replied in defense. "I mean, we can lend you money, but don't ask us to move your furniture."

After another worthless five minutes of pushing, pulling, groaning, and injured lower-back muscles, the senshi gave up.

"Alas," Niki said to Vanessa. "I fear you may be stuck down there for good. Then again, look on the bright side. It could be worse. You could be trapped in Valerie's room. Or, you know, my house."

"Good point," Vanessa said. Then she started to cry (but whether from the thought of spending time in Niki's house or overwhelming pain, they weren't sure).

"Wait! I've got it!" Valerie yelled suddenly. "It's so simple! How could we be so stupid? Well, Niki and I - that makes sense. But you other, sensible senshi should be ashamed of yourselves."

"Why's that?"

"Because Vanessa is capable of freeing herself! All she has to do is morph into something else! Preferably a small animal capable of movement, and then she can get out from under the bed!"

"You're right!" Mallory cried, her mouth gaping open in surprise. Why couldn't I figure that out? she wondered. Outsensiblized by one of the most illogical people I know . . . I feel SO ashamed.

A moment later, Vanessa was a tiny white bunny, hopping free of the accursed bed. A moment after that, she was Vanessa-sized once more, towering over the pathetically short senshi (other than Special K, who was normal-sized).

"Wow," Vanessa breathed (now that breathing was no longer out of her physical capabilities). "I feel much better now that my ribs have ceased being crushed into my vital organs. And my claustrophobia seems to have cleared up as well. Hooray."

"Now, isn't it time to save the other two?" Eva asked.

"True that," Valerie said in a poor attempt at being "down wit da ghetto lingo", reminding her friends once again why they begged her to never, ever try to be ghetto, for her sanity's sake, as well as their own.

"Rescue mission, part two, has officially commenced!" Mallory cried, once again pleased that Julie wasn't around to interfere with her temporary leader gig. "Everyone, transform and get back to your battle ready positions immediately!"

"I don't get it," Sailor Pink confessed when she and her four companions regrouped in the darkened hallway several minutes after breaking into the house through the window. "We've searched the entire house. Where ARE they?"

"I admit that I am baffled as well," Cranberry said, her brow furrowed. "Perhaps we overlooked some place? A secret room? A hidden corner?"

"The upstairs?" Sailor Light suggested.

"There's an UPSTAIRS?" Pink cried, her expression completely baffled.

"Well, seeing as how there's stairs," Light gestured to the staircase to their right, "I'm assuming they lead somewhere. And judging from the fact that they appear to be rising in height in an upwards-like manner, I'm guessing the place they lead to is an Up as well. Suggesting upstairs."

"That's so weird," Sailor Boris said, shaking her head once her eyes had focused through the darkness on the steep (and quite dangerous) staircase. "I could have sworn this house was a one-story. It has a very deceptive appearance."

"Houses can do that to you," Sailor Light intoned wisely.

"Enough chit-chat," Sailor ChibiS said sharply, her eyes gleaming wickedly in the dark. "We have some adversaries to defeat in a bloody battle of wits, skills, and sharp, pointy objects good for stabbing. Besides," she added. "We need to be out of here before the authorities arrive,"

"Oh please," Sailor Pink snorted. "You know how the police are in towns like this. They're far too busy doing nothing (and/or giving tickets to cute, sweet, innocent, and above all, undeserving teenage girls who on a regular basis come to a complete stop at EVERY stop sign, despite what evil, hickish female cops may think), to arrest anyone who may actually deserve arrest for breaking and entering and possibly attempted murder."

"Even if that's true," Cranberry said, "we should be cautious. We need our earthly visit to remain on the DL, and getting captured by the police in this town would not help us to remain so easily incognito. Besides, the only two sentries we have posted outside are Tange and PerkyFluffyBunny, and I don't trust them for a second!"

"I'm SO BORED!" PerkyFluffyBunny whined to her companion as they sprawled out on the ground outside the house not long after the other senshi had invaded the house. "We've been out here for HOURS!"

"Five minutes," Tange replied, checking her watch.


"We've only been out here for five minutes. Not hours."

"Oh," PerkyFluffyBunny frowned. "Time passes so slowly when I'm not in a sugar rush, You don't happen to have any skittles, do you?"

"I have a couple pixie stixs," Tange said, handing one of the pure sugar candies to PerkyFluffyBunny and keeping the other for herself.

"Even better!" PerkyFluffyBunny crowed as she downed the thing in one gulp.

Not even a minute later, the two senshi were once again running around like mindless idiots (or chicken and rabid sea monkeys as they claimed). They ran straight through the broken window and into The Room. PerkyFluffyBunny saw a stand in the corner carrying a collection of birdhouses. She picked two of them up and began swinging them around her head.

"Wait!" Tange yelled. When that didn't work, she added very loudly, "STOP!"

"What?" PerkyFluffyBunny asked, lowering the birdhouses to her side.


PerkyFluffyBunny shrugged. "So?"

"Good point," Tange agreed. "Who cares? Let's move on." The two approached the door from The Room leading to the actual house.

"Are you sure we should go any further?" PerkyFluffyBunny asked. "We were explicitly told to not go into the house."

"But we were also told to prevent any of the girls from escaping," Tange reasoned. The easiest way to keep them from escaping outside the house is from INSIDE the house. See my logic?"

"Not really," PerkyFluffyBunny confessed. "Then again, it's hard to see anything as logical when on a sugar high. So, I say, let's go for it! Maybe we'll even manage to capture one of the enemy. Then we'd really be able to prove our worth to the others."

"That's right!" Tange agreed, a big grin on her face. "Just because we're different and we like to run around spastically in circles for fun, not to mention exercise, doesn't mean that we can't be the best senshi we can be! Let's go!"

Together, they entered the forbidden house.

Lisa breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the five intruders clomping loudly up the creaking staircase, despite their attempt at being silent about it. Lisa was grateful that she and Bob were fortunate enough to be hiding in the cramped closet under the stairs and had managed to be overlooked. To get a better look at the still unconscious blonde in the narrow space, Lisa moved her left foot which was covering Bob's face.

Yep, still unconscious. Which was probably for the best.

Feeling relatively safe now that the enemy had moved on (and she was sure to hear their return thanks to the obnoxiously loud staircase), Lisa took the time to think over and analyze what she had heard a few moments earlier from the intruders in the hall.

Well, for one, they're definitely NOT rapists. Which is a good thing. Unfortunately, they sounded potentially dangerous. For some reason, they were after the senshi. But why? Who were they? All Lisa could conclude was that the girls had to be minions of the great new evil that Krystina had warned the Sailor Senshi was coming. The battle has begun.

"I have to call for help!" Lisa whispered anxiously to herself. "Julie, our great and wise leader whom I have yet to officially meet will surely know what to do!"

With significant effort, Lisa managed to shift her position in the closet enough so that she was no longer standing on top of the blonde and could now successfully get to her communicator watch. The watch was silently blinking red. Someone had left a message.

No time for that, Lisa thought as she ignored the blinking and tried instead to figure out which colored button stood for Julie. With nine senshi already having watches, there was a heck of a lot of buttons to look over. Finally, she came to the giant red and black spotted one in the middle which could be none other than Sailor Moo's. But before she could call for help, a noise from the hallway stopped Lisa, her finger hoovering just over the button.

"I guess I just don't get why they don't trust us," Lisa heard a voice say loudly from the other side of the door.

"I know, really," a second voice joined in. "Just because we run around spastically in circles on sugar highs doesn't mean we're complete morons. It's not like we're going to reveal key mission facts to the enemy. Like our plan to assassinate the Princess and then proceed to overthrow the Republic."

"Yeah, or like the fact that we're not really hot chicks, but Sailor Senshi from outside this solar system with powers gifted to us from our many different planets."

"And don't forget how we plan to take over Earth once we find and destroy the Princess's guardians. All the while carrying out our mysterious benefactor's fiendish orders."

"Exactly," the first voice said as the two girls continued walking through the house. "Like I said, it's not like we're stupid!" And then they were gone.

Lisa's eyes were wide with surprise and knowledge, her finger still hoovering over the momentarily forgotten communicator watch. So THAT'S what they're up to! Unbelievable! Senshi from outer space? A mission to assassinate royalty and destroy an entire empire? This is so much bigger than I think even Krystina is aware of! We're going to need all the help we can get!

Meanwhile, Niki and Timm had returned to the hall bathroom, ready to fight the enemy if an enemy were to actually show up. Well, they would have been ready to fight the enemy had they not been so engrossed in a (rather one-sided) amorous conversation.

"Timm," Niki said to the nonexistent boy sitting next to her on the edge of the bathtub. "I know we've only known each other for a few days, but I feel in that time I've gotten to know you better than anyone I've ever known before. And I wish I could tell you that I love you, but . . . I can't."

There was no reply.

"Please don't be upset with me," Niki begged him. "It's just that . . . I only have room for one soul mate in my life right now. And my soul mate I have loved since the day I was born, even though I have yet to actually meet him. I mean, maybe it would be different between you and me if you were, you know . . . existent. And foreign. With a sexy Scottish accent. And you would have to be gay. But despite your sexual orientation, you would marry me in order to live in this country legally. You would have a boyfriend on the side, of course, but I would be cool with that. The more the merrier!"

There was still no reply.

"I hope you understand," she continued softly, and not without shedding a few tears. "It's just, until I find that man, I can't be honest with anyone. And I have so many secrets . . . so many secrets about myself and others that I can divulge to only one other. And that is my soul mate." There was a pause. "I just wanted to let you know now before we got serious or anything. We can still be friends, right?"

There was no reply.

"Oh, Timm!" Niki cried gleefully, more tears springing from her eyes as she reached out to circle the nonexistent boy in an emotional hug. "I'm so glad you understand! You're the bestest friend a girl could ever have!"

Niki was so caught up in the moment (and had been for a while), that she never heard the stairs creak as several unwelcome visitors climbed up to the second story. Nor had she noticed the pink haired girl on the other side of the bathroom door who had overheard the entire confession of love for an unknown man. And who now had an oh-so crafty smile on her lips.

Valerie was back in her room, crouched down amongst the piles of crap, keeping lookout from her trench. The only difference now was that she was transformed into her Sailor Senshi alter ego, fully ready to inflict some much-needed pain on the enemy. Oh yeah, and the other senshi minus the missing ones and Niki were there with her.

When Valerie told Mallory and the others about the trench she had forged in her room, they agreed that it would provide the safest defense for when the rapists attacked. Just as they had decided to split up to rescue Bob and Lisa, the creaking on the stairs began and all thoughts of rescue were abandoned. The battle had begun.

The senshi were ready for the attack to come any minute now . . . But when it didn't, they started to get antsy. And bored.

"How do you survive with your room being this . . . crowded?" Vanessa asked quietly, who was buried well past her knees in the crap that went up to the other senshi's waist.

"It doesn't really bother me," Valerie confessed. "Tonight's actually the first time I've gone into my room in the last three weeks."

"That's so bizarre. Where do you--"

But before Vanessa could finish, the door burst open and five mysterious girls, also in senshi outfits burst into the room. Vanessa and the other senshi stood up and gaped with surprise at the newcomers, who in turn, were gaping back.

"THEY'RE SAILOR SENSHI!" The two groups of senshi yelled at each other in shock (and synchronization).

Sailor Cranberry, who always managed to keep her head in all kinds of situations, and rarely allowed anything to surprise her, even had to admit that she was caught completely off guard. To think! All this time, these girls we were suspicious of were just like us! Girls blessed with short skirts and superpowers. Unbelievable!

She watched as one of the enemy senshi, a girl with short hair and a green skirt raised her hands as if to begin an attack power. At the same time, Sailor ChibiS did the same. But before the girls could unleash their attacks, Cranberry signaled to ChibiS to stop, and she was surprised to see that a girl with a star on her forehead did the same to her own senshi.

"Fellow senshi," Cranberry announced, her attention focused on the girls standing in a make-shift trench. "We did not realize that the planet Earth was protected by its own guardians. Guardians," she added, "just like us. We have come to this planet from millions of light years away, our sole purpose being to dominate Earth. Since you are warriors as we are, I will give you a choice: submit to our great leader and join us, or suffer the consequences."

The girl with the star on her forehead faced Cranberry, her expression sober. "We are not just like you. We fight for the side of good, to see justice brought to all people, not for world domination. Well, most of us anyway . . ." she looked pointedly at the girl in the green skirt who shrugged sheepishly. "So long as you pose a threat to the sanctity of Earth, we will oppose you. Because of this, we cannot accept your offer."

Cranberry sighed. What a waste. "Very well then. You will die now."

"We'll see about that!" Mallory shot back.

But before either of the opposing senshi groups had a chance to launch an attack against the other, the room began to shake violently as it was filled with a bright flash of light. "MOO THERAPY ILLUSION FLASH!" A booming voice cried over the sounds of furniture falling over and glass breaking.

A moment later, the space where the enemy senshi had stood was empty.

The Sailor Senshi looked around at each other in shock. Not a single girl in the room was capable of that kind of power so it could only be . . .

"Alexia?" Valerie cried out through the settling dust, in search for the powerful senshi.

"No, you dolt!" Julie cried, appearing out of nowhere, her face flushed with anger at the mentioning of her evil blonde daughter. "That was me!"

Eva's eyes were wide. "Since when have you been so powerful?" she asked Julie.

Julie shrugged. "Long story. I'll tell you later. Right now, we have more important things to deal with."

"It's no use," Sailor Boris shook her head as the other senshi threw attack after attack at the house without so much as being able to break a single window. A minute before they had all been inside the house but a blinding flash of light had left them lying sprawled out in the backyard. "There's a powerful force field protecting the house. One more powerful than I've ever seen."

"But where did it come from?" Sailor Light asked. "There was no way one of those girls did it. They didn't have the time. Or the ability, in my opinion."

"There must be another one," Cranberry surmised. "One with extraordinary powers, their leader. One who could possibly even challenge the powers of the Great One." She shuddered.

"I wouldn't worry about that," Sailor Pink said, a smile at the corner of her mouth. "I think I've found their weakness . . . One of them was talking to herself in the bathroom and I overheard some rather interesting things. Give me a week, and we'll know everything there is to know about these girls." She smiled wickedly. "I have a plan."


SMoo Randomness:
PerkyFluffyBunny: I read somewhere that thinking logically is actually harmful to your physical health. Those who don't think logically and who don't smoke are far less likely to die from lung cancer than those who think logically and smoke.