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Episode 22: "An Accidental Rescue: Ten Sailor Senshi Gather"

Lisa turned the moment she heard the car's tires squeal on the road as the driver swerved to avoid hitting her, but it was already too late. There was no way the car or Lisa could get out of the way in time. She closed her eyes, preparing for the inevitable moment of the impact, lots of pain, and the death that would surely follow.

Suddenly, a second before the car hit, someone shoved Lisa out of the way. The two figures went careening off the side of the road as the car sped past, narrowly avoiding its would-be victims. The car squealed to a stop and a short brunette, with her long hair streaming from two buns on the sides of her head, leaped out of the car and ran to where Bob and Lisa lay in a heap of limbs in a shallow ditch by the road.

"Bob!" Julie yelled the minute she reached the blonde. "I'm so sorry! I know this looks bad, but I swear to God I wasn't actually trying to hit you. It was a total freak accident." Before Bob could reply, Eva, Valerie, Mallory, and Niki ran to Julie's side. They were followed shortly by Vanessa and Special K who had witnessed the entire thing.

"Valerie!" Special K cried out. "I can't believe you pushed Bob into the road! That was almost totally uncalled for!"

Valerie shrugged sheepishly. "I didn't mean to shove her towards the oncoming car (that was merely a fortunate consequence). I was trying to knock her down. I had no idea she'd go flying into the road like that."

"Ah!" Bob yelled once she managed to untangle herself from the unknown girl. "Will the multiple daily assaults on my life never cease?!"

"Look on the positive side," Vanessa said cheerfully, helping Bob to her feet. "If Valerie hadn't attempted to kill you, then you never would have saved this mysterious person with unnaturally blue hair that you seemed to have knocked unconscious in the fall. Now, you're a hero!" She turned to the others for their acknowledgment. "Right, guys?"

The others all looked away, uncomfortable, and said nothing.

Finally, Eva spoke. "I . . . guess . . . you're right." The others nodded vaguely.

"There you go!" Vanessa said. "In fact, Bob's such a hero that we should throw a party in her honor tonight!"

This time, the others couldn't keep their protests silent.

"A PARTY?" Mallory cried.

"Don't you think that's going a little - drastically - too far?" Niki asked.

"A stinking party?! I'm the one who shoved her into the road in the first place!" Valerie yelled. "If anyone deserves a party, it's me."


Everyone (with the exception of the unknown girl who was still unconscious) turned in shock in the direction that the oh-so-familiar voice had come from, their mouths wide with surprise. The infamously bad-mouthed Fairy Who Likes Coke and Peanuts was walking towards them (this time wearing his old, beat up cardboard wings). Alexia was by his side.

The moment Julie saw Alexia, she groaned. "What, is this like a freaking Sailor Senshi reunion? God forbid we spend a couple of bloody months apart from each other!" Sobbing, Julie rested her head on Special K's understanding shoulder. "I hate her! Why won't she ever go away?"

Special K patted Julie's head sympathetically, but stopped when Julie shot her an angry look. She had forgotten that short people really hate when you do that. Instead, she patted Julie's back. "There, there," Special K said soothingly. "Just remember that in the future you'll be forced to spend a lot more time with her, so try and get used to her."

Julie frowned. "You're no help."

"Why are you guys here?" Mallory asked the Fairy. "Is there some new big bad evil we need to know about?"

"There are a lot of things you need to know about," the Fairy replied, his sentence surprisingly free of curse words. He usually tried to clean up his act when Alexia, the heir to the Future Moo Kingdom was present. "A great power is rising."

"Let me take a wild guess," Valerie said. "Is this great power perhaps, um, evil?"

"Very," the Fairy said seriously. "I have much to say and little time to say it in, but we mustn't speak here. It's far too dangerous. Follow me." He began to walk off.

"Wait a second!" Eva cried after him. "Where are you taking us, and what are we supposed to do with her?" She pointed to the still-unconscious blue-haired girl.

"We are going somewhere safe. A place guarded by ancient magic; the only place where they can't penetrate our defenses." The Fairy looked down at the unconscious girl and nodded slightly. "Just as I feared. Bring her along as well. She needs to hear this. Your lives, especially hers, and many others depend on what actions we take now to prevent a seemingly inevitable fate."

Completely bewildered, but surprisingly sobered by the Fairy's prophetic words, the Sailor Senshi hefted the unconscious girl onto a makeshift stretcher built entirely out of overstuffed book bags. Silently, they followed the Fairy and Julie's future daughter, Alexia, towards the dying sun and an unknown destination.

"I can't believe you brought us here again," Julie b*tched the minute the senshi stepped out of the bright green transportation beam and onto the barren and deserted site of the Ancient Moo Kingdom, in the hell-like land known as Nakodish. "Grumble. Grumble."

"We had to be somewhere safe," the Fairy responded. "For some reason when the Moo Kingdom was mysteriously destroyed, the extraordinarily powerful magic that had been used to created it remained. For thousands of years, the magic has protected this world from an evil that would otherwise have conquered it long ago. But now the magic is breaking."

"Could you be any more vague?" Julie asked sarcastically. "So, like, there was this magic and some evil stuff and then something, but I can't really say what, happened . . ." she badly mimicked the Fairy.

The Fairy Who Likes Coke and Peanuts rolled his eyes. "I'm not getting paid enough for this," he muttered to himself. To the others, "Alexia and I have been sent here from the future by the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts to help you to better understand the dire and dangerous situation you are about to be face."

"Speaking of the Prince," Julie said, feigning sweetness. "How is that masked bastard anyway? Not stepped on any rusted nails recently, I hope. Or been mauled by a pack of vicious goats by chance?"

The Fairy looked surprised. "Wow, you've changed a lot since our last encounter. What's recently crawled up your a$$ and died?"

"Nothing's crawled up anywhere!" Julie cried angrily. "I'm just really sick of obnoxiously annoying men who think they know everything and who think that they're right all the time!"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," the Fairy replied, "I'm not actually a man. I'm a Fairy." He gestured to Alexia. "And, you know, that whole messed up thing too. Besides, I don't think I know everything, I know for a fact that I know everything."

"You know what," Mallory said, a confused frown on her face. "I've been meaning to ask you about that whole weird you/Alex/Alexia thing. It's really confusing me."

The Fairy held up his hand. "Silence! All will be made clear in time. As for now, Alexia and I have been given strict orders to answer one question from each of you to the best of our ability, but no more than that. Ask wisely. For there is much you must know."

The Questioning Begins: Part 1

"Me first!" Mallory cried once they had all (with the exception of the still-unconscious mysterious blue-haired girl) arranged themselves in the typical there-are-long-possibly-strange-things-about-to-be-said- let's-be-as-comfortable-as-possible sitting positions. After the many times they'd played the game "Let's Hear More About Our Past Lives/Deaths" with the Prince of the Future Moo Kingdom, they were used to it.

"What is your question?" The Fairy asked. He and Alexia sat on a random, conveniently placed rock with the semi-circle of senshi facing them.

"What's up with the whole weird you/Alex/Alexia thing? It's really confusing me."

The Fairy and Alexia exchanged looks. "This one's all yours," Alexia said.

Sighing, the Fairy began. "Well, you see, long ago in ancient times, there was a strapping young lad named Alex who, even at a young age, displayed potential for great things. Unfortunately for him, he died a horribly, grizzly, bloody death, at a very young age, and was pitied by the supreme being of the universe. This supreme being reincarnated him as a half human, half supernatural creature who would serve as an advisor to the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts. I, the Fairy Who Likes Coke and Peanuts, am that very same ancient advisor."

"Ohhh . . ." Mallory said, attempting to pretend like she understood, while actually failing to do so.

"When the Ancient Moo Kingdom was destroyed, I barely escaped through a time portal that had been ripped in space. Unfortunately for me, the portal brought me to the Almost-Future Moo Kingdom, just as it was being attacked by a great evil being. Physically, I was destroyed in the kingdom while I was still, at least partly, in the time portal. I lost my wings and the majority of my power."

"Ohhh . . .?"

"Needless to say, the supreme being of the universe, having to deal with all events of this dimension at once, (regardless of their place in a seemingly chronological order), was thrown off by the fact that I was killed in one place at the same time in two different times, without actually being killed at all."

"Understandably thrown off," Mallory commented. By this point in the Fairy's attempted explanation, she was already showing signs of complete bewilderment. She shook her head slowly side to side while hitting her temples with her hands, and muttering quietly to herself. But he wasn't done yet.

"The supreme being of the universe accidently reincarnated me multiple times while I was still alive. One new me was an Alex, reincarnated in the portal and thrown through time till he reached the destination you know as the present. Another new me was reincarnated in the Ancient Moo Kingdom and immediately traveled through time to the Almost-Future Moo Kingdom, just as I had done, only to merge with another new me, a girl who was to be heir to the Future Moo Kingdom."

"And you . . . ?" Mallory asked.

"Returned to the Prince who was my master, only to serve him (though sometimes unwillingly) and the Princess throughout the many and multiple millennias they served as rulers of the Moo Kingdom." He smiled, relieved to finally have that confusing bit of nonsense cleared up. "Any questions?"

"Good God!" Mallory cried, unable to contain her frustrations any longer. "I hope the rest of the answers aren't this f%#ked up!"

The Questioning Continues: Part 2

"I have a question," Bob pipped up. "One that I hope doesn't lead to such a very . . . er . . . colorful explanation."

"What is your question?" The Fairy asked.

"Why do you keep changing your wings? I mean, no offense, but the cardboard ones look like cheap Wal-Mart crap."

The Fairy sighed. "That's because, as I've said in the past (ha ha, get thee to a punnery), they are cheap Wal-Mart crap. Once my wings were destroyed in the messed up, many-reincarnations incident, I could only afford cardboard wings from Wal-Mart (which yes, actually existed many millennias ago, damn franchise), because my employer, that bastardly cheap excuse for royalty, didn't pay me enough. Even when he finally gave me a pay raise around the turn of the century, I could still only afford to rent the actually feathered wings once a month or for special occasions."

"Well, if the Prince is such a cheap bastard, then why do you still work for him?"

"Because I--"

"YOU CANNOT ANSWER THAT!" Alexia boomed suddenly, stopping the Fairy mid-sentence. "She has already asked her one question," she reminded him, "and that is all that is permitted. It is another's question now."

"I have a question," Julie said, glaring at her blonde daughter. "What's your problem, little miss bossy b*tch woman?"

Alexia raised an eyebrow. "Would you have me answer that and forfeit your only chance for another question?"

"No," Julie sniffed. "If you don't mind, I'll save my question for later, thank you very much." She calmly stood from the semi-circle of senshi and walked towards a far-off rock pile. Once safely out of view of the others, she stamped around cursing Alexia out for a few minutes, and then plopped down on the ground, pouting in a childish, yet b*tchy manner.

Meanwhile, the questioning continued.

"Here's a question for you," Vanessa said once Julie's loud, wind-carried b*tching had quieted down. "I was told when I first became a Sailor Senshi that my boyfriend, Malcolm, would be transformed from his current feline state to his original human state once the Sleeping Messiah was awoken. She awoke. My poor man is still a cat."

The Fairy grimaced. "Yeah, I thought that might come up. I'm sorry, you know. Apparently the many prophetic visions that were gathered on the subject were slightly misread. It's true that Malcolm will be restored to his human state by a messiah, just not the messiah we had originally assumed."

"There's another messiah?" The Fairy nodded. Vanessa looked crushed. "Bummer."

"Speaking of messiahs," Valerie said, "I was just wondering . . ." She pointed to Niki. "What's up with her?"

"Be more specific please."

"More specific?" Valerie considered what it was about Niki that most bothered her, drawn from a list of the many things that frequently got on her nerves. "Okay then, what's up with her and that whole messiah awakening slash other reincarnation thing?"

"Simple question," Alexia replied, drawing everyone's attention to herself. "One that I fear requires a slightly less simple response."

The Legend of the Guardians: Part 2

"I'm confused," Eva said. "If you are about to tell us about the Sleeping Messiah, then why is the mini-title 'The Legend of the Guardians'?"

"There is a perfectly legitimate reason for that," Alexia reassured her.

"I'm sure," Special K whispered to Eva, rolling her eyes.

"If you remember," Alexia began, "Many months ago when the majority of you were only short, not-quite-so intelligent sophomores, the Prince Who Likes Coke and Peanuts began to tell you the Legend of the Sleeping Messiah."

"Began?" Mallory echoed. "I thought he told us everything."

"He told you as much as he could and as much as you needed to know at the time," Alexia explained. "And now I must do my best to explain what has gone unexplained these many, many months. Do you recall what he said about the Outer Senshi?"

"Yeah right!" Valerie said. "You expect me to remember something that was said several months ago? I can't remember what was said five minutes ago. In fact, I have no idea what we're talking about right now at this very minutes. So you see, I--"

"There are four Outer Senshi," Vanessa cut in. "I am one of them."

"And do you know who the others are?" Alexia asked.

Vanessa looked at each of the senshi in turn. "Eva and Special K," she said at last. "But that only makes three. Who is the fourth?"

"That is what I am here to explain," Alexia said. "The fourth Outer Senshi is indeed among you, but she is not easily found. For the current fourth Outer Senshi has great and terrible powers that were once gifted to another, but which have now been distributed amongst two human forms, rather than residing in one exceedingly powerful shell."

"Shell?" Niki echoed. "Are you suggesting that this mysterious Senshi is a shellfish?"

"Oh! I get it!" Mallory cried, jumping up suddenly. "She's been possessed by an evil clam spirit, right? Right? Am I right?"

"I'm not even going to bother acknowledging that either one of you just uttered the incredibly moronic things that spewed forth from your mouths," Alexia replied. Dejected, Mallory sat back down. "Shell is another word for the body that a powerful being resides in. What makes you Sailor Senshi is not your bodies but the power within. This is why your very essence can be infinitely reincarnated."

"Ah," the senshi all replied with understanding (without actually understanding).

"Allow me to explain all that I can regarding the mysterious fourth Outer Senshi as well as the Sleeping Messiah," Alexia continued. "As you all know, Niki has always been somewhat of a freak."

Niki nodded in agreement. "I don't deny it."

"Long ago, when the Sailor Senshi we know now as Niki, Mallory, Bob, and Valerie were protectors of the Moo Kingdom Princess we know as Julie, there were four more senshi who also protected the Moo Kingdom. You know them as Eva, Special K, Vanessa, and the still-unconscious unnaturally blue-haired girl."

The Legend of the Guardians: Part 3

"WHAT?!?" The senshi cried out in horrified unison. "SHE'S A SENSHI?"

"Surely you didn't think it was a coincidence that Bob accidentally saved her from Julie, and all of you just happened to be there, and that the Fairy and I just happened to choose that moment to show up out of the blue?" Alexia sighed. From the expressions on their faces, it was apparent that they had thought the entire incident to be just a bunch of crazy coincidences. And you would think that by now they'd know better than to assume that anything happened accidentally.

Bob looked down at the girl still lying on the make-shift stretcher. She tapped the girl with her foot, and when there was no response from the unconscious figure, she kicked her viciously in the side. When nothing happened, Bob looked up at the others, feigned sadness in her eyes. "I think she's dead."

"She's not dead," the Fairy said. "However, I think it's for the best that she remain unconscious, at least until everything has been explained. She's only been recently awakened as a Sailor Senshi, and we don't want to overwhelm her with everything that we are about to tell you just yet. Alexia, please continue."

"As I was saying," Alexia continued, "all in all, excluding the Princess, there were eight Sailor Senshi who protected the Earth. Four protected Earth from the Moo Kingdom, and four unknown warriors protected Earth from afar. Everyone lived in peace and harmony until the day the Ancient Moo Kingdom was destroyed. On that day, one senshi, whose great power had always laid dormant, was awoken. It was she who ended the destruction, and it was she who made sure that the essences of all of the Sailor Senshi were safely reincarnated in another time."

"Ohh . . ." the senshi ohhed in unison, attempting to add to the dramatic tension that was building due to Alexia's cryptic phrasing.

"And that senshi was none other than . . ." Alexia paused melodramatically. The senshi ohhed some more. "Niki Reneir!" she shouted at last.

The Legend of the Messiah of Sleep: Part 2

"WHAT?!?" The senshi cried out in horrified unison. "SHE'S THE SENSHI?!"

Niki grinned smugly. "Mwhahahaha."

"I'm flabbergasted," Julie admitted after her pouting session was over and she had rejoined the others. "I had absolutely no idea Niki had super powers."

"Didn't you?" Alexia questioned. "You never thought it was strange how, amongst the lot of you, Niki was the only one who had never demonstrated any special capabilities and whose attempted powers were completely useless?" The others looked around at each other and then at Niki. They shook their heads. "You really need to start thinking more."

"I'm confused," Mallory said. "What does all of this mean?"

"It means that Niki was once the most powerful of all the senshi to have ever walked the Earth!" Alexia cried.

"WHAT?!? The senshi cried out in horrified unison. "NO WAY!"

Niki grinned smugly. "Mwhahahaha."

"Wait!" Valerie yelled, silencing the many objections that had arisen once Niki's powerfulness had been established. "What do you mean she "was once" the most powerful?"

"Well, of course she's not the most powerful anymore," Alexia said.

"Ah ha!" Julie yelled gleefully, pointing at Niki. "That's because I'm more powerful than you. I'm THE most powerful!"

"Not quite," Alexia said. "I hate to ruin your power trip, but," she pointed at the unconscious girl, "SHE'S the most powerful."

Sobbing, Julie once again rested her head on Special K's shoulder. "I hate her!" she cried. "Make her go away!" Special K patted Julie's shoulder sympathetically.

"Please keep explaining, Alexia," Vanessa said, speaking for all of them. "I still don't understand what's going on."

"Long ago, when the Moo Kingdom was destroyed, Niki's dormant power was awoken, and she used that power to protect all of your spirits to make sure you were reincarnated together at another time so that one day the Moo Kingdom would be rebuilt. Niki sacrificed herself, and she too was reincarnated at the present time. Only something went wrong."

"I think I understand," Eva said. "As the Fairy made blatantly obvious earlier in the episode, reincarnations are tricky things. We were all supposed to be reincarnated just as we were before, so I would once again become the Guardian of Time, just as my many, many reincarnations had been in the past. When Niki was reincarnated, her powers became dormant again, just as they had in the past. But another power joined with them. An evil power."

Alexia nodded. "You're right."

Mallory looked at Eva in awe. "I am in awe of your lack of confusedness," she admitted. "How did you figure out what happened?"

"Elementary, my dear Mallory, elementary," Eva said. "Besides, it helps that while I am only sixteen years old, I have spent millennia upon millennia in another dimension guarding the Gateway Through Time. I've realized, in time, that what we know as time doesn't actually exist, but while we live in a timeless existence, there are certain rules that govern the universe that we refer to as time, even though we know that time doesn't exist."

"And that explains what, how?" Mallory asked. She was so confused she looked like she was about to cry.

"Isn't it obvious?" Eva said, surprised that no one seemed to understand what the hell she was talking about. "It made perfect sense to me."

Valerie walked up to Eva and looked her in the eye. "Eva, as a friend, I'm going to give you a very valuable piece of advice. Never, under any circumstance, ever try to explain anything ever again." She turned to Alexia. "For all of our sakes, please continue."

"Just as Eva said, when Niki was reincarnated, her great powers once again became dormant, but another, evil, power joined them," Alexia explained. "Niki's body was no longer just the shell for her Sailor Senshi essence, but also the host to an evil parasite known as Mistress 13, servant to the great Pharaoh 130. We knew for a long time that there was an evil among us, we just made the connection too late."

"Oh my God, of course!" Vanessa cried. "I get it now! The connection was in front of our eyes the entire time. Niki's Sailor name is 24601. If you add the numbers together, (2+4+6+0+1), you get 13! Just like Mistress 13!"

"Good job! If only we had known that back when we actually cared," Bob said sarcastically.

"Luckily for us," Alexia continued, surprisingly unfazed by the constant rude interruptions. "Niki's dormant senshi powers were awoken shortly after Mistress 13, the Sleeping Messiah was awoken, and she was able to defeat the evil inside of her."

"And yet, I remember absolutely none of this," Niki commented. "It's all one big hazy blur. All I recall is a walrus, a mirror, and a continuing reference to Jesus."

"And then she died," Alexia added. "This time, Niki was reincarnated to be exactly the same as she was the moment when she died, with one major difference. The supreme being of the universe thought that it might be a good idea to split up her powers so that no one person could ever again be so dangerously powerful. A large amount of Niki's power that remained had been destroyed in her battle against Mistress 13, and what was left became dormant. Her powers that were taken when she died were given to another. The Sailor Senshi known as Meow."

"Arg!" Mallory cried. "This is too much for my brain."

"I know I'm probably going to regret this," Special K said, "but here's my question: who the heck is the mysteriously unconscious girl and why is she here?"

"That was two questions," Alexia said. "You can only ask one."

"True," Special K replied, "except I asked them with only one question mark, therefore one question."

"I see your point. Very well. The girl lying before you is Lisa Leanor, none other than the mysterious tenth senshi, Sailor Meow. A few weeks ago she was awakened and the Fairy revealed to her the mission. She was to find you and use the powers granted to her after Niki's latest reincarnation to aid you in the defeat of the enemy. Although she is young and is inexperienced when it comes to fighting, she is very, very powerful."

"Let me guess," Julie said, obviously still fuming over the fact that even with an A$$ Penny and the Legendary Holy Milk Pail, she still wasn't the strongest of the senshi. "We won't be able to defeat the enemy without her."

"Exactly," Alexia agreed. "Protect her until she comes into her full power. If she dies before she has fully awoken, then all hope is lost."

"And on that happy note . . ." Valerie trailed off sarcastically.

Everyone looked down at the still-unconscious girl who, according to Alexia, was the strongest of all of the senshi. She was apparently just really bad at remaining conscious.

After a while, the silently staring at the unconscious girl thing got old, and conversation resumed.

"She doesn't look very old," Niki commented. "Even younger than you look, Julie."

Julie glared. "I don't care how old she is, as long as she's not a freshman. You know how I feel about freshmen."

"Yes, we still have scars to remind us of how you felt when we were freshmen," Mallory said. "They've faded a bit over the years, but are still quite prominent around the neck and upper back area."

"I was going through a difficult time then," Julie said. "I hardly ever physically abuse anyone anymore." Of course, at that very second, she began hitting Bob over the head with a conveniently located stick to prove a point, which completely nullified everything she had just said. Not that anyone had believed her in the first place.

"If you want to be useful," Eva said, "why don't you try hitting the unconscious girl over the head to help her regain consciousness. I've heard that works. In theory, at least."

"It works in real life, too," Valerie assured her. "Niki and I have proven that method's efficiency many a times."

Shrugging, Julie backed away from the now bleeding and unconscious Bob and positioned herself over the blue-haired senshi. She raised the stick high in the air, ready to bring it down for one excruciatingly painful blow. But before she could strike, Vanessa's frantic cry stopped her.

"Wait! She's waking up!"

Julie struck anyway.

"Ow!" Lisa cried the moment Julie's stick came crashing down on her head. The stick broke in two. Julie fell to the ground, her feet knocked from under her by the power of the blow. Lisa looked at Julie and then the others, rubbing her forehead. She looked down at the stick. "I extend my apologies about your stick. I will buy you a new one."

"But you . . ." Julie sputtered angrily. "You should be dead! Er . . . I mean fully conscious just as you are now, good for me," she said quickly. She chuckled nervously, hoping that no one was really paying any attention to her. Which, of course, they weren't.

"That's amazing!" Valerie said. "Julie hit you way too hard for you to regain consciousness. After that hard of a blow, blood should be gushing out of your cracked skull right now. I don't even think my head could have withstood it. But you don't even seem fazed. Incredible!"

Lisa smiled. "Thank you very much. That's possibly the most interesting compliment I've ever received. Now, if you don't mind my asking, where are we? The last thing I recall is watching the significant events of my life flash before my eyes in fast motion as a car sped towards me, only seconds from impact. Do you know anything about this?"

"I was driving the car," Julie confessed. "Sorry about that. And the stick thing."

"I rescued you from Julie and her involuntary manslaughter attempt," Bob said, smiling sweetly. "So, if you happen to have large amounts of cash you'd like to give me, feel free to do so. After all, you wouldn't be alive if it weren't for me."

Lisa's eyes shone with happiness. "You saved my life?" She leapt up suddenly, grabbed Bob around the neck, and began hugging her tightly. "Thank you so much! How could I ever repay you?"

"With cash," Bob said once she managed to pull free of Lisa's tight embrace.

"Ha ha! You are so very funny!" Lisa cried ecstatically. "I only wish I were half as clever and funny as you are."

Bob smiled, a haughty expression on her face. "Yes, I know. Don't worry. If you try hard, maybe one day you'll be almost as clever and funny as I am."

"I hope so!" Lisa pipped up happily.

The other senshi watched the exchange between the two girls with mixed reactions, most of them being a mixture of horror and surprise with a large helping of nausea and revulsion thrown in for good measure.

"What's up with her?" Valerie cried, her eyes wide with fear.

"Who, Bob?" Mallory replied. "I think that she's--"

"No, not her! Blue-haired girl! Why is she acting like Bob is God's gift to mankind?" She ducked down behind Mallory, shielding herself from Bob and Lisa. "I'm afraid!"

"I hate to interrupt," the Fairy said loudly so that all of the senshi could hear. "But I fear our time is limited and there are still questions that may be asked. Ask well, and we shall answer."

The Questioning Continues: Part 3

"I have a question," Eva said.

"I'm sorry," the Fairy replied, "but we are not allowed to answer your question."

"Why not?"

"Your one question has already been used," Alexia reminded her. "You asked a question about the mini-titles, and I replied that there was a legitimate reason for them. So sorry. Next."

"Not fair!" Eva cried. "I've been gypped!"

"My turn," Niki said. "I want to know why the hell Mrs. Evilb*tchfromhell was alive and well when I walked into French class today."

"She's alive!" Valerie exclaimed. "Why didn't you mention it earlier?"

"Post-traumatic stress. I had temporarily blocked it from my memory. Unfortunately, due to more recent traumatic-stress related events (aka: Lisa complimenting Bob), the old memories have resurfaced, and now I am sad."

"What you must understand," the Fairy began, "is that you are the good guys. As Sailor Senshi, you were reincarnated on Earth to protect the world from evil. And, as good guys, you are not really supposed to kill anyone because it goes against your code of honor. When a person under the influence of evil dies as a result of your battle against the bad forces in the universe, then that person will be brought to life once again, with a clean slate. They will remember nothing of you, nor of their evil pasts."

"Madame Deatrich, for example," Alexia added, "knows nothing of her encounter with the Sailor Senshi or the rest of the B*tches 5. The past several months are somewhat of a blur to her, but she has accepted the lack of memories as a sign of premature brain loss, nothing more. She is exactly the same person as she was before she turned to the dark side."

"Which means she's still a lousy teacher." Niki frowned, suddenly very depressed. "This sucks! Does nothing good ever come of our defeating evil?!"

"We get to stay out late on week nights," Mallory said, hoping it would cheer Niki up a bit.

"That's true." Niki smiled. "Hooray for the evil beings we must defeat between the hours of eight and ten on Monday through Thursday!"

"Hooray!" the other senshi joined in. It's really sad how easily amused they are.

"It seems that I'm the only one who has yet to ask a question," Julie said once the cheering had ceased. "And I, being the leader of the Sailor Senshi, know that it is my duty to ask a serious and ultimately invaluable question about the evil that we will soon face, as opposed to wasting my one question on frivolous personal matters. Here it goes." Julie opened her mouth, held it open for a very long thirty seconds, and then closed it again. "Ah, screw the new enemy," she finally voiced. "I have something more important to ask."

"Ask away," the Fairy said.

"I really need to know whether or not it is at all possible for me to totally break things off with Gerg, without there being catastrophic future consequences."

"Ah, Julie!" Valerie whined. "We were really counting on you to ask the one seriously important question that none of us even bothered thinking of asking!"

"Shut up," Julie replied. "This is far more important than that."

"The answer to your question is no," Alexia said. "You must marry Gerg and together, you must build the Future Moo Kingdom and reign over the land, side by side, in peace and harmony, or else all is lost!"

"Why is it that all is always lost?" Vanessa asked. "Can't all ever be found? Or won, for that matter?"

"Time is almost out!" the Fairy exclaimed. He pointed to Lisa. "As a Sailor Senshi, you have the right to ask one question which Alexia or myself will answer. Ask quickly, before it is too late!"

"Okay!" Lisa smiled. "You are very wise, Mr. Fairy-man. Do you know everything there is to know?"

"Of course I do!" The Fairy replied.

At that very moment, a girl with brown hair and mysterious eyes that changed colors randomly at will, materialized out of nowhere. Jumping up and down like a maniac, the girl ran to Julie, pointed at the surprised senshi, yelled "Duck!" and then burst into a fit of maniacal giggles.

"Where?" Niki cried, spastically searching for the nonexistent duck.

The strange girl ran up to a bewildered Niki, pointed, and yelled "Tusk!" The girl once again doubled over with laughter.

"Oh my God!" Valerie yelled in horror. "She's crazier than I am!" Upon hearing Valerie speak, the psychotic girl ran up to the somewhat less-psychotic girl, pointed, and yelled "Xenopsychopath!" Needless to say, she was soon rolling on the floor in another fit of laughter.

As the senshi and the Fairy stared in horror, the girl stood up, jumped around some more, and pointed at Mallory, Bob, and Vanessa, yelling "Pockets," "Blondie," and "Oinkers" at them, respectively, and then giving in to the crazed laughter that soon followed. A moment later, in an intense flash of light, she was gone.

"If you know everything," a frightened Julie said to the Fairy after the psychotic girl had vanished, "then, what the hell was that!?!"

The Fairy shook his head slowly. "I have no f%#king clue."


SMoo Randomness:
Valerie: Impossible! Sierra Mist could not possibly be this incredible beverage you speak of. It is yummy and far superior to Sprite, yes, but it has no caffeine, and it is thereby unable to aid you in your search for more power and greater quantities of sugar.