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Episode 15: "Shadow of Destruction! The Sleeping Messiah Awakens"


Just so you know, most of episode 15 and episode 16 are flashbacks covering the events that lead to the opening of episode 15. Yes, it's a bit confusing, I know. Which is why I'm warning you.


The Sailor Senshi stared up in awe at the huge door that loomed before them. It was

the entrance to the immense underground cavern that the B*tches used as their secret laboratory. It was now home to the greatest evil the senshi had ever known: Niki. Dum. Dum. Dum.

Mallory gulped nervously, tugging on the cow as white as milk's reins. She pulled the cow closer and threw her arm over its side. But having the cow near was not as comforting as Mallory had hoped it would be.

"This is it, guys," Julie said, breaking the long period of silence. "Once we go through this door, there's no turning back. We know what we have to do."

Special K nodded. "We have to kill her. We have to kill Niki."

"Do we really have to kill her?" Valerie asked. "Can't we just like, hit her really hard?"

Eva shook her head sadly. "No. The only way is to destroy her. Remember that she is no longer your friend. No matter how much she looks like the old Niki."

Valerie sighed. "This would be so much easier if it was Bob. At least then I wouldn't have to feel bad or anything."

"Bob's already dead," Alexia reminded her.

"Oh, yeah. Damn."

At that moment, a shadowy shape leapt from the darkness. In mid leap, the striped cat transformed back into Vanessa. Vanessa stood and faced the others.

"Is the coast clear?" Special K asked the shape-shifting spy.

"As far as I could tell there were only two people in the room."

"The last of the B*tches," Mallory said quietly. "We've almost defeated them."

Vanessa frowned. "But there was no sign of Caroline or Ni-- I mean, the Sleeping Messiah anywhere."

"It's too easy," Eva mused. "I think it's a trap."

"It could be," Julie said. "But we have no other choice. Let's go."


It was only two days before that the ex-freshmen Sailor Senshi had stepped through the painting of a door that led them to a misty dimension. There they had first heard the mystical, disembodied voice belonging to the Senshi of Time, Sailor Chocolate. They learned of a new senshi among them, Kristina MacBryde, also known as Special K.

The Fairy Who Likes Coke and Peanuts appeared before them and he told them the legend of the Holy Milk Pail. As instructed by the Fairy, the senshi traveled into the woods to retrieve the items that would become the great pail. When formed, the pail would be Sailor Moo's ultimate weapon against Pharaoh 130.

It was discovered that Bob's disgusting hair was in fact the hair as yellow as corn, the first talisman. The ex-freshmen were soon joined by Julie and Alexia who had transported from Nakodish in order to aid them in their quest. Alexia's coat, believed at first to be Niki's long lost sleeping bag, was instead found to be the second talisman: the cape as red as blood.

Upon the first midnight of their quest, the senshi were once again confronted by the mystical, disembodied voice of the senshi of time. Sailor Chocolate informed them that Niki had been kidnaped by the B*tches and that in order for the senshi to find her, they must follow the chalky footprints that had been indented into the earth.

Before parting with them, Sailor Chocolate gave the senshi their third talisman, Niki's toe shoe that had been transformed into gold by the witch: the slipper as pure as gold. The senshi, needing only the cow as white as milk to complete the spell to form the Holy Milk Pail, set out to rescue Niki. Along the way, they came face to face with the kidnappers.

And the battle began.


"DIE!" Valerie screamed as she hurtled herself through the air at the unsuspecting B*tches standing only yards away, preparing to bite off any random ears and/or heads that got in her way. But something held her back. It was Mallory.

"Are you insane?" Mallory hissed.

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

Bob rolled her eyes. "We can't just go and kill them. We have to use them. For information."

"We have to surprise attack them," Vanessa added.

"I think it may be a little late for that," Special K said, gesturing towards the B*tches. Obviously Valerie's attempted attack had aroused their awareness. They were studying the very clump of trees the senshi were hiding in, preparing for an attack.

Julie sighed as she stepped into the open. "Alright then, no more hiding. This is war."

"You!" B*tch #3 yelled as she caught sight of Julie.

"Yeah, me!" Julie yelled back.

B*tch #3 glared. "Did you think your disguise would fool me? Hah! I know it's you, Sailor Moon!"

"Um, that's Sailor Moo," Julie corrected, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever," B*tch #3 snapped back. "You and your little friends have been a plague on our organization long enough! This ends today!"

"You're right about that, Satan!"

"That's Saten," B*tch #3 corrected. "I only regret that I have to destroy you now. Pharaoh 130 will be disappointed he never had a chance to watch you die!"

"Wasted time," B*tch #2 cut in, tapping her watch in annoyance. "You're wasting time. Cut the talk. Kill her!"

"You know, that might be hard and all," Julie said. She gestured behind her and the others stepped forward from the shadows. "Seeing as how you're vastly outnumbered."

The B*tches stared in horror. "Good God, there's so many of them!"

Julie reached into her pocket and pulled out her transformation device. The others did the same.

"MOO PENCIL POWER, MAKE UP!"

"ALEX PENCIL POWER, MAKE UP!"

"UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKE UP!"

"PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKE UP!"

"UNKNOWN RHOMBI POWER, MAKE UP!"

"ECCO RHOMBI POWER, MAKE UP!"

"SPECIAL K RHOMBI POWER, MAKE UP!"


Five minutes later after the Sailor Senshi finished transforming, the B*tches were once again staring in horror. This time at Alexia.

"Good God, she's a man!" they cried out.

Alex/Alexia shrugged. "Yeah, well, you know how it is. Some guys just look really good in skirts. Of course, I'm not one of them."

Julie, feeling that Alexia was stealing her spotlight, decided it was time for another horribly long, dull, and entirely pointless speech so that no one would forget she was the star. Which was highly unfortunate for everyone else.

"Hold it right there!" Julie yelled. "For love-- but not for freshmen and especially not for big, hairy, Italian guys -- it is I, Pretty Soldier Sailor Moo! The champion of justice! The protector of the small, weak, and stupid. As long as they're not too annoying, of course. The defender of--"

"WASTING, WASTED TIME!" B*tch #2 yelled, interrupting Julie's nonsense.

"Thank you!" Bob cried. "Finally, someone made her shut up!" Which was exactly what the other senshi were thinking. For the first time ever, even Valerie couldn't find a reason to hit Bob.

"Well, fine!" Julie huffed. "Let's end this here and now."

B*tch #3 grinned. "We were hoping you'd say that. But first we'd like to introduce you to Snowball."

"Snowball?"

A low growl sounded behind the senshi. They turned to see a monstrously huge creature only a few yards away that looked something like an overgrown, steroid-induced white cat. Only not really.

"THAT'S Snowball?!!"

"Snowball will now proceed to destroy you," B*tch #2 explained.

"Hah! That's what you think! Special K, Ecco, Unknown, you go deal with Snowball! Psychy, Mini Moo, Unico," Julie commanded, "you come with me!"

Nodding in synchronization, the senshi split up. With Valerie, Alexia, and Mallory at her side, Julie faced the B*tches. "Prepare to meet your doom!"


Vanessa, Bob, and Special K were hiding in a clump of bushes as they devised their plan. The giant Snowball, having been thrown off by Vanessa's scent when she turned into a cat, was sniffing the ground not far from where the senshi crouched.

"I think I know how to defeat him," Vanessa said to the two blondes after transforming back to human. "I just need a few minutes."

Bob said. "We can create a distraction while you do your thing." She looked at Special K. "What should we do?"

"Well, I believe that running straight at the monster while waving our arms in the air and yelling at the top of our lungs might create a sufficient distraction."

"Okay. Let's go."

Special K and Bob leapt up and ran screaming at the creature. Their screams for attention quickly turned into screams of terror as Snowball began chasing them through the clearing.

"Any time now would be nice!" Special K yelled at Vanessa.

Nodding, Vanessa gathered together the random pieces of paper she had drawn symbols against evil on. She faced the charging Snowball who was now headed her way.

A gasping Bob ran to Vanessa. "What on earth are you going to do with those?" she asked incredulously.

"This!" Vanessa threw the paper at Snowball. "SHINU WARUI NEKO SHINU!" she screamed. The papers flew, dagger-like, through the air and bounced harmlessly off the monster's side.

"What the hell was that supposed to do?"

"Um . . . kill him?" Vanessa frowned, puzzled. "That's funny. I was sure I said the incantation right."

Bob rolled her eyes. "It looks like I'm gonna have to save us." Pushing up her sleeves, Bob took a deep breath. She leapt, spinning, into the air and yelled, "PINK SMELLY SKUNK ATTACK!"

A glowing whirlpool appeared suddenly in the air and from it sprang half a dozen Pepto Bizmal pink skunks. Snowball watched, his head cocked to the side, as the skunks formed a circle around him. As one, they turned, raised their tails, and sprayed a huge cloud of stench right at the monster. A moment later the giant creature keeled over and died.

"Dude," Special K said in awe.


Meanwhile, Julie and Alexia had squared off against B*tch #3 which left Valerie and Mallory to deal with B*tch #2.

Mallory glared at Mrs. MicChan. She had never quite forgiven the evil teacher for making sixth grade a living hell. "Valerie? Remember, she's MINE!"

"Whatever you say, Sailor Unico." Valerie made a face. "In fact, if you don't mind, I think I'll go elsewhere. Something awful smelling has been wafting in from over where Snowball was chasing the others. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Bob because, well, it's disgusting, and so is she."

Mallory nodded as Valerie sauntered away. "That's fine. I am completely confident in my ability to defeat her."

"Hah!" B*tch #2 chuckled loudly. "YOU? Defeat ME? We'll see about that!" B*tch #2 pulled out a pencil and hurled it at Mallory's head. "DAVID IS LIKE THE BOBCAT!" she yelled.

Mallory ducked as the pencil transformed into a hissing bobcat that flew over her head. Furious, she jumped up again, the star glowing on her forehead. A horn appeared as she rose up into the air screaming, "BUTTERFLY EARTHQUAKE!"

A jagged line split through the ground and a swarm of butterflies flew from the crevice. Mrs. MicChan dodged the insects, and having nothing to attack, they vanished. The B*tch tapped her watch. "Wasting time! You're wasting time."

"Oh yeah? Take this! THE SEA IS ALWAYS GOOD!"

A huge wave washed over the B*tch, knocking her to the ground. The rest of her pencils flew from her pockets and splintered into pieces as they fell to the ground. She was unarmed and helpless.

Mallory leaned over the B*tch, smiling. "Aren't you gonna get up? Now who's wasting time?"


It was the all important point in the battle between good and evil where each side tries to hurt the other by spitting out endless strings of insults while defending against attacks on themselves. Julie felt that she was winning. The B*tch didn't stand a chance.

Alexia sighed. "Don't you think you've insulted her enough?"

"Aw, come on!" Julie pouted. "Just one more about her hideous face and lack of intelligence!" Alexia shook her head. "You're no fun," Julie growled.

"Are you quite through, you ignorant little sophomore?"

"Ah!" Julie backed away from the B*tch, her head spinning. She felt like she had just been dealt a fatal blow. "Sophomore? Ah! How could you!" she screamed in agony. "It's so horrible! Take it back! Take it back!"

B*tch #3 grinned wickedly. "So, that's the great Moo's weak spot? And what would happen if I said you look like a freshman?"

"NOOOO!" Julie collapsed to the ground, moaning in agony and humiliation. "Please! I beg you! Take it back! It's too much! I can't . . ." She clutched at her heart and gasped for breath. "I can't breathe! I'm dying!"

"Oh, will you stop it!" Alexia commanded, pulling Julie to her feet. "Really, Mother, you're so melodramatic, it's embarrassing!"

"And now, she's dead!" Fast as lightning, B*tch #3 shot a bolt of, well, lightning, at the two senshi.

Equally as fast, Alexia circled her arms, called forth a broken mirror, and yelled, "MOO SPLIT REFLECTION!" The lightning bolt bounced off the mirror's surface and split into two identical bolts. One headed straight for B*tch #3, and the other . . .


At last! Mallory thought. "Evil teacher, prepare to--"

But before she could finish, a bolt of lightning arced down and struck the soaking wet B*tch. "My Daniel!" B*tch #2 screamed in pain as she burst into flame. Soon all that was left was a pile of prehistoric dinosaur poop. Odd.

"Aw shucks," Mallory said. "That was so not fair! Whose lightning bolt was that?"

"B*tch #3's," Alexia said as she eased up next to the disappointed senshi. "But she suffered the same fate as her comrade."

"Where's Julie?"

"She requested some alone time. She's still trying to recover from the B*tch's insult." Mallory looked confused. "The B*tch called her a freshman," Alexia explained.

"Oh, I see."


"So, what do we do now?" Valerie asked. When Julie had felt junior-ish enough to once again act as the leader of the underclassmen, they all regrouped. Bob had, of course, bragged ceaselessly about her defeat of Snowball, until Julie smacked her over the head. Needless to say, that made Julie feel a little better.

"We have to go back to Country Club High," Julie said. "There's no other choice. Having all of us absent on the same day is too suspicious. Not that we've tried to be discreet in the past or anything."

"Then, tomorrow after school, we group up and go back to the woods?"

Julie nodded. "That's the idea. We meet outside the gym. Tomorrow, 2:35, Operation Rescue Niki (ORN) commences. Be there."


Niki sighed. She felt kind of dumb. Even dumber than she usually felt. She should have realized it was a trap, especially when the talking cat she was following transformed into a huge monster. But it was a cute monster! Sort of.

Right at the edge of the forest she had been blindfolded, gagged, and taken far, far away. When she had been unblindfolded, Niki found herself tied to a chair in the center of a huge, dark cavern. She was pretty sure it was the B*tches' super secret underground laboratory. Because that's what it said on the door.

"You know, it's not very nice to tie people to chairs," Niki pointed out, though no one was around to listen to her. "You should always use chains. They're more efficient. And less easy to escape from. See?"

In an attempt to prove just how easy it is to undo rope knots while being tied to a chair, Niki accidently lost her balance when she somehow managed to trip over her own feet (while sitting down). She and the chair crashed to the floor. "Ow. My ankle. My ankle."

"YOU REALLY ARE A PATHETIC, LITTLE TWIT," a harsh voice said.

"Who said that?" Niki peered out into the darkness just as a cloaked figure stepped forward. "Ah! It is Mr. Mister! Back from the dead!"

"NO, YOU MORON! IT IS I," the cloaked figure removed its hood. "CAROLINE ST. RAMEN!"

"AH! NO!" Niki screamed. "It's worse than Mr. Mister back from the dead! It's evil president woman!"

"EVIL PRESIDENT?" Caroline said incredulously. "ME?"

"Yeah! You stole Amnesty's money! And then you faked illness so you could hang out with your boyfriend, the one you stole from your friend, who you just had to drive to the airport to go to Romania and go to pick up again!"

"I BROUGHT THAT CLUB TOGETHER! YOU WERE UNITED!"

"Yeah, we were united against you! You were never at the club meetings! So we had to do all the work without you!"

"SO, YOU SEE? I WAS A WONDERFUL PRESIDENT!"

Niki shook her head, a disgusted look on her face. "You have a sick mind."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! SOON YOUR INNER SELF WILL AWAKEN AND YOU WILL BECOME THE SLEEPING MESSIAH! THEN I WILL PROCEED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

"When my inner self awakens?" Niki would have scratched her head, but her hands were tied together. "If I awaken, how will I still be asleep? Wouldn't I be the Awake Messiah? Or the Messiah Who No Longer Sleeps? Or the Ex-Sleeping Messiah of--"

"SILENCE, FOOL! SOON YOU WILL AWAKEN AND THE WORLD WILL BE MINE!" Caroline replaced her hood and stormed out of the room.

"I won't ever awaken!" Niki yelled after the evil ex-president. "My friends will come for me! They'll destroy you!"

"HAH! YOUR FRIENDS? I DOUBT THEY EVEN KNOW YOU'RE MISSING!"

Niki was about to reply, but she stopped herself. She wasn't so sure the other senshi had noticed that she was gone. And if they did, did they even care?


"Haven't you found out anything yet?" the really old man asked. "Do you know who they are? What they want?"

The woman shook her head. "Nothing. My sources haven't been able to find out anything more about these mysterious Sailor Senshi. I have lousy sources."

"And what of the Messiah?"

"No clue," the bowlegged man shrugged. "Niki Reneir wasn't at school today. There's a chance they already have her. The Messiah might already have awakened."

"Sir?" The woman said. "I understand that it is of the utmost importance that we find out whether or not the Messiah has come, but don't you think these daytime meetings are a bit risky?"

"Don't worry about it," the old man replied. "We're in the bathroom by the guidance office. This bathroom is kept locked to all students."

"And the faculty?"

"They're in a meeting."

"Alright," the really old man said. "We're going to have to assume the worst has happened. The Messiah has awakened. So, what have they done with her?"

"I know where she is."

The four superheroes from the 80s turned in surprise. Someone was standing just inside the open bathroom door.

"Mrs. Stuard?" the bowlegged man said in confusion. "Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting?"

"Well, Kevin, it doesn't seem I was invited to this one." Mrs. Stuard nodded to the others. "Tiffini, Ken, Jim, I see you're all here. And it seems that we have a lot to talk about. I know where to find the Messiah."

"You know . . . how do you know about that?"

"I know more than you can imagine."


The bell signaling the end of school had just rung and Valerie was standing out by the picnic tables, trying to figure out whether she had enough time to use the restroom before meeting the others outside the gym.

She sighed as she shook her broken watch, trying to make it work again. Damn WalMart sh*t. "Now how am I going to find out what time it is?"

Luckily, just at that moment a girl was walking past. And she was wearing a watch.

"Excuse me!" Valerie called after her. "Do you have the time?"

The girl stopped and turned around. "The time?" she echoed.

"Yeah. Do you know what time it is?"

"I have no idea."

"But you're wearing a watch."

The girl shook her head. "No, I'm not."

"Yes you are," Valerie pointed to the watch. "It's on your wrist."

The girl crossed her arms, covering up the watch. "What wrist?"

Valerie rolled her eyes. "Stop being difficult! I'm in a hurry. Just tell me what time it is. If you don't, I'll--"

"You'll what? Bite my ears and/or head off?" The girl challenged.

"Why, yes, but how did you . . ." Valerie took a closer look at the strange girl. She didn't look that familiar, but her voice . . . Her voice sounds almost mystical and disembodied . . . how very odd.

"Forget I said anything," the girl said, uncrossing her arms. She looked at her watch. "It's um . . . hold on a sec, let me think." She scrunched her eyes, as if studying intently. "The time is . . ."

"Why are you wearing a watch if you obviously have trouble reading it?"

"It's not my fault!' the girl shot back. "I have one of those stupid watches with little lines instead of numbers so you can't actually tell what time it is."

Valerie grabbed the girl's arm and tilted her head so she could read the watch. "Actually, it's digital. And it's 2:30." Valerie took a step from the girl and turned around. "That's all I wanted to know. Thanks anyway." She looked back to say bye but the girl had already vanished.

What a strange person, Valerie thought. And so familiar . . . She shook off the feeling that she was missing something important and shrugged. Oh well. Since I don't have much time, I better use the bathroom next to guidance. It's closest.


The four superheroes from the 80s stared at the teacher, their mouths open in surprise. Mrs. Stuard had just revealed to them that she was also a superhero, and that with their united power, she would be their ultimate weapon against evil.

She alone would destroy Niki.

"Join together, my fellow superheroes," Mrs. Stuard cried out, gesturing for them to stand. "Unleash your power!"

The really old man stood. "I am Nervous Twitch Man! With the power to twitch my neck in a nervous and annoying way!"

"I am Twenty Dollar Bill Man!" The other old man said, joining the really old man. "With the power to look suspiciously like the man on the twenty dollar bill!"

The bowlegged man leapt up. "I am Bowlegged Man! With the power to use my bowleggedness to shoot arrows since my legs are bow-shaped!"

Finally the woman stood. "And I am Lactic Acid Lady! With the power to eat away at ATP to drain energy!"

"GO 80s!" The four superheroes shouted in union as they each punched their fists (complete with senior rings) into the air. Four beams of light shot from their hands and flew at Mrs. Stuard.

"By your powers combined," she screamed, "I am Captain Stewie!"

The others lowered their arms and stared. "Captain Stewie?"

Mrs. Stuard glared. "Oh yeah, like your names are so much better."

"I'm actually quite fond of mine," the bowlegged man grinned.

"It doesn't matter!" Mrs. Stuard said, silencing anyone else who might have commented on their own superhero names. "It is time to figure out what we're going to do."

The five superheroes became so engrossed in discussing their plans to destroy Pharaoh 130 that they never even saw the girl who had been standing right outside the open bathroom door for the past several minutes.

But she had seen them.


"It took you long enough," Julie frowned as Valerie staggered over to where the other senshi were waiting. "Where have you been?"

"Sorry, I've just had the shock of my life," she mumbled bewilderedly.

"What?"

"I found out my teachers are really superheroes from the 80s who are out to destroy the Messiah and Pharaoh 130."

Mallory's eyes widened. "All of your teachers?"

"Pretty much," Valerie responded. "Mack, McDoormat, Weather, Kong." She paused. "Even Mrs. Stuard."

"Mrs. Stuard? Wait! Isn't she the one who, and I quote, wants to rip your heart out and eat it in front of your face? Or am I just really confused?" Mallory mused.

"No. That's what she does. Or what I thought she does. Now I'm not so sure."

Bob sighed impatiently. "Who cares! It doesn't matter. Let's go."

"Of course it matters!" Julie said, smacking Bob over the head. "They might be our allies. They might help us save Niki!"

Special K cleared her throat. "Actually, from what information I've gathered about these teachers over the past few years, I doubt that they feel the same way about what to do with the Messiah. We wish to help Niki, but they want to save the world."

"What are you saying?"

"Simply that they'll be more willing to sacrifice one of their students for the greater good than we are willing to sacrifice our friend. If Niki poses a threat then they will destroy her without a second thought."

"And on that happy note . . . " Vanessa said sourly.

"I understand what you're saying, Special K," Julie said. "But we'll analyze the situation when it's time to deal with them. Our time's running short." She waved her hand in front of the incoherent Valerie's face. "Snap out of it! We're leaving."

Valerie shook her head to clear her cloudy vision, but she still stared at nothing, a troubled expression on her face. She shuddered. "You don't think they wear spandex superhero costumes, do you?"


Niki felt queasy. She knew that her ulcer pain was back in full force, but she felt only a dull throb. It was almost as though she were on heavy painkillers. But she didn't recall taking any.

I'm not in any major pain, so there's no reason to b*tch about it, Niki thought. Well, my legs and arms sort of went numb a few hours ago, but who needs feeling in four of their major limbs anyway? I'll just be a good hostage and keep my mouth shut.

In reality, Niki wasn't trying to be a good prisoner. She wasn't even trying to avoid having to speak with Caroline (though as little contact as possible was best). She just simply didn't care enough to do anything about her ulcer or numbness. She just didn't care.

Or did she?

That's funny, Niki thought as some strange force seemed to fill her numb body. Suddenly I feel as though I do care. I do care about being tied to a chair and having my body go numb. It's not comfortable. I'm not happy.

"Master!" Niki heard someone yell from far away. "Something's happening!"

Niki felt suddenly as though she were feeling for the first time. Seeing for the first time. All of these emotions are filling my body. I feel . . . angry. I don't deserve such rude treatment! I'm Niki Reneir! I'm their damn messiah! They should show a bit more courtesy!

"Whoa!" Niki said, surprised and a little pleased at her newfound emotions. The ropes binding her to the chair fell away. "I did it! I'm awake!" She dimly heard others cheering, but she couldn't see anyone. She tried to stand to acknowledge the cheers, but alas, even though she was no longer tied to the chair, her legs were still numb.

Niki crashed to the floor. She tried to get up again but the fact that she couldn't actually feel the floor made that difficult. When she finally managed to pull herself somewhat back into the chair, something strange happened. Her hair started growing. And it wouldn't stop.

Gaping in awe, Niki stared at the hair that grew and grew as though it were alive.

Oh no! Soon it will grow so long that it will consume me and I will drown in my own hair, Niki realized. Cool.

But the hair did not consume Niki.

"Bad! Bad!" Niki yelled as the hair wrapped around the chair as well as her legs. "Worse! Worse!" She screamed as she tripped over her hair and once again fell to the ground. After several long minutes (and several more accidents), the hair finally ceased growing at such a rapid speed. Niki sighed with relief.

Caroline ran up to the new Sleeping Messiah and helped her to her feet. "Messiah, is everything alright? Was the awakening painful?"

"I'm fine," Niki replied. "I'm a little overwhelmed by all of these feelings, though. It's so much easier to just not care. Ever."

"How do you feel?"

"Like I have really long hair." She smiled. "And I have this sudden desire to kill all of my friends and then destroy the world, just for the fun of it. Strange, huh?"


Meanwhile, the Sailor Senshi (minus Niki) were back in the woods. Again. They were searching for the legendary (and elusive) cow as white as milk. Once they had the cow, they could feed the talismans to it, and the Holy Milk Pail would appear. Or so they thought.

"We'll never find it," Bob prophesied as they worked their way through the thick forest. "We've been going in circles."

"No we haven't," Mallory said. "There are just a lot of similar looking trees." And that one struck by lightning that we've passed at least four times looks vaguely familiar. Damn. "Okay, we're lost."

"This sucks." To vent her frustration, Valerie kicked a rather large tree. "Ow. That hurt." Next time remember to kick Bob. It'll hurt less.

"We need help!" Vanessa fell to her knees and threw her arms into the air. "Please, send us a sign!"

The forest grew quiet. The clouds parted. Beautiful music sounded. A heavenly light shone down from above.

"God?" Valerie said, gazing up to the bright sky.

"No!" Mallory pointed to where a dark blue Perry sweatshirt hung in the air. "It's Niki's sweatshirt!"

"That's what I said. It's God!"

"YES," The sweatshirt replied. "I AM GOD. I HAVE CHOSEN TO REVEAL MYSELF TO YOU IN THIS FORM TO AID YOU IN YOUR MOST HOLY QUEST."

"Which quest is that?"

"TO SEEK THE HOLY MILK PAIL, OF COURSE! BEHOLD!" The shining form of God faded and in its place was an image of a castle deep within the woods.

"Is that the pail? Wait, I'm confused."

"NO! INSOLENT MORTAL! IT IS THE CASTLE FROM WHICH YOU WILL RETRIEVE THE COW! FOLLOW THE FOREST PATH!"

God vanished. A path appeared.

"Since when has there been a castle in Loserville?" Special K wondered.


CONTINUE

SMoo Randomness:
Elfyn: For some unexplained reason, between the hours of six and midnight, I transform into an edible, bite-sized cracker.