The other senshi looked to where Niki was pointing, and sure enough, an ancient-looking haunted house loomed before them.
The house had obviously seen better days. The foundation seemed to have long since crumbled away, and on one side, the house was sunk about two feet int the mud so that the entire building was on a dangerous slant. On top of that, there was a gaping hole in the roof, the windows – where not barred – were broken, and the front door appeared to be missing entirely.
“At least we’ll be able to find our way in,” Niki said, nothing the absent front door as she leapt over the porch railing because the porch steps had long since rotted away. Unfortunately, she was too short to make it the full way over. Niki’s shoe got caught in the top rail, and she stumbled mid-leap, falling face-first onto the porch in a heap.
“I’m okay,” Niki reassured the others as she stood back up.
“Niki, you’re a man!” Mallory cried in horror.
“I know.”
“Sorry, I said that wrong. Niki, your nose!” Mallory cried in horror as blood gushed by the gallons from Niki’s face. The others grimaced. Bob smirked.
Niki shrugged. “It’s no big deal. It’s not any worse than attempting to back-flip off of a diving board and somehow managing to land on the diving board again – on your face. Trust me, I know from experience.”
Unfortunately, Niki’s injuries were far from done for the day. At that moment, there was a great crash and the floor on which Niki was standing gave way so that she fell straight through the porch into a dark basement below.
“Niki!” the others screamed as they rushed forward. They carefully climbed up on the railing and peered down through the floor. The basement was pitch black and silent as the grave.
“Niki?” the senshi called again. They expected to at least hear their own voices echoing back through the murky blackness, but the dark hole seemed to swallow their voices in the silence, just as it had swallowed Niki.
There was no reply.
“Oh my Niki’s sweatshirt!” Eva exclaimed. “We need to save her!”
“We could jump down there after her,” Mallory suggested timidly. “But who knows where we might end up. Or, we could go through the front door, attempt to make our way through the house, and somehow find a way to the basement to help Niki.”
“What should we do?”
“Let’s go through the hole,” Valerie suggested, stepping back several paces in order to get a solid head start. “After all, you know how much I enjoy leaping head-first into dangerous situations.”
“VALERIE, DON’T!” the other senshi cried, but it was too late.
Valerie surged forward and leapt over the porch railing. Unfortunately, like Niki, she was far too vertically challenged to attempt such a stunt. And like Niki, Valerie’s foot caught on the railing and she tumbled head-first into the dark hole, disappearing entirely from view.
“Crap! We’ve lost another one!” Vanessa exclaimed.
“Yes!” Bob cried ecstatically, pumping her fist in the air. The others shot her dirty looks. “I mean, alas, poor Valerie . . . I knew her well.”
“Well, you’re about to get to know her a whole lot better,” Eva said, eyeing Mallory who stared blankly back, a highly confused expression on her face. Eva sighed and mimicked quite extensively the process involved in throwing Bob down the hole. Several moments later, Mallory nodded in understanding, an evil grin on her face.
“What do you mean I’ll get to know her a whole lot better?” Bob asked, glaring suspiciously at Eva.
“Because you’re about to join her!” Mallory cried. Together, she and Eva grabbed Bob under the arms, lugged her over the railing, and tossed her down the hole – kicking and screaming the whole way down.
“That was unnecessary!” Vanessa admonished the two senshi, attempting to appear scandalized, but even she couldn’t hide a smile.
“Bob?” Mallory called down the whole to the blonde. “Can you hear me?”
“Yes,” came the faint (and angry) reply.
“Are Niki and Valerie down there?”
“I don’t see them,” Bob yelled back. “Ow,” she added a second later when a hand reached out from the shadows, yanking out a few strands of her bleached blonde hair. “Never mind, Valerie’s here.”
“Are you sure?”
Bob reached back and scrapped her nails along the arm holding her ripped hair, drawing blood.
“B*tch!” Valerie screamed in pain, grabbing her arm to her side and dropping the hair to the ground.
“Yeah, that’s Valerie,” Bob confirmed. “But Niki doesn’t seem to be here. Maybe you guys should come down too.”
Several minutes later, Mallory, Vanessa, and Eva made their own leaps of faith into the basement (managing not to break any bones in the process) to reach Bob and Valerie. Together again, the girls tried to make out their surroundings in the total darkness.
“I can’t see anything!” Bob whined. “It’s too dark!”
“Oh, I have an idea!” Mallory exclaimed, pulling out a wand made out of willow and a unicorn hair. “Lumos!” The tip of the wand flared as a pale purple light lit the darkness, causing the shadows that had surrounded the senshi to recede into the corners of the basement. “I knew this would come in handy!”
Mallory swung the wand around the walls, looking for a way out. The light revealed that they were standing at a crossroads where three circular tunnels met.
“Niki!” Eva cried, turning to peer down each deserted tunnel in turn. “Is anyone there?” As usual, there was no reply.
“Do you think we should split up and search for her?” Vanessa asked. “We could cover more ground faster that way.”
Mallory shook her head. “It would be safer to stick together. If we split up, we may all get hopelessly lost, and then we’d never find our way out again.”
“And you think we’re less likely to get hopelessly lost by walking around aimlessly together?” Valerie asked. “We’ve all got really terrible senses of direction.”
“And I can’t tell time,” Eva chimed in.
“Some of us can’t even tell our right from our left!” Bob added smugly.
Mallory blushed. “That’s because the system doesn’t work! When I hold up my fingers in an “L” shape, both hands say “L”! It’s impossible to determine which way isactually left! Is it the hand that has the “L” facing the right way or is it the hand that has the “L” pointing the other direction? I’m so confused!!!” Helplessly holding up both hands, Mallory turned towards the wall, and started hitting her head against it.
“Mallory, calm down, you’re getting hysterical!” Vanessa said, patting the other girl on the back and pulling her away from the wall.
“Wasting time!” Eva added. “I think . . .”
“Seriously,” Bob rolled her eyes in annoyance. “We just need to make a simple decision. “Do we choose the tunnel on the left, the right, or the one in the middle?”
“Let’s go through the front door,” Valerie suggested. “Well, where the front door used to be. As much as I enjoy leaping head-first into dangerous situations, it seems like te front door would be the most common-sensical route to take.”
Nodding in agreement (except for Mallory who was confused by the usage and meaning of the term “common-sensical”), the other senshi followed Valerie as she carefully made her way around the gaping hole in the floor towards the gaping hole in the side of the house.
Standing before the doorway, the senshi huddled together, linking arms for extra support (after all, you never know what evil may lurk in a house in Loserville). As one, they stepped inside the house.
“BRRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!”
The moment their feet hit the dusty floor inside, a loud blaring filled the house as a dozen security alarms sounded at once.
“Ah!” Valerie screamed, protectively covering her sensitive (and lovely) ears. “It’s as bad as my house!”
“We need to get out of here!” Vanessa yelled loudly. The senshi turned back towards the doorway – to find a door where there hadn’t been one before.
“Ah! It’s a door!” Eva cried, leaping back in fear. “Make it go away!”
Mallory rushed forward and grabbed the door handle. She gave it a great pull and nothing happened. Then she read the large letters printed above the handle. “PUSH.” Mallory pushed with all of her might. Nothing happened. She hurried back to the others. “The door is locked! We have to find another way out!”
“What’s that noise?” Bob cried over the blaring alarm.
“It’s the alarm, you moron!” Valerie yelled in reply.
“No, there’s something else!” Bob yelled. “A crumbling noise . . . it sounds like the walls are falling apart!”
Sure enough, at that instance, a great crack sliced up the wall, breaking it into two, while inching closer and closer to the ceiling.
“The alarm is causing a cave in!” Vanessa exclaimed. “We have to figure out a way to turn it off before the entire house collapses around us! Before it’s too late!”
Unfortunately, it was already too late. The crack that ran up the wall had already reached the ceiling where it splintered into dozens of smaller cracks, all racing towards the gigantic chandelier hanging directly over the senshi’s heads.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
The chandelier fell with a great crash, crushing all of the senshi in one bloody, gruesome, pathetically synchronized moment. Alas.
Alas! What an untimely end! Maybe you should go Back and try again.
After a quick round of “eeny meeny miny mo,” the senshi decided to continue their journey together in search of Niki down a tunnel which they directionally determined was the left tunnel after yet another round of the game.
As they walked down the tunnel, following the light of Mallory’s wand, they noticed that the walls were slimy, covered with a thick layer of what the girls hoped was only fungi – and not something much worse. Nevertheless, the senshi crowded together in the middle of the tunnel, attempting to avoid touching the walls altogether.
Walking in silence, warily on the lookout for whatever evil might be lurking, after only a few minutes of traveling, the senshi found their first clue as to Niki’s disappearance.
“Ah!” Valerie cried as she fell to the ground, brushing up against the slimy walls in the process. “Ewwww.”
“Are you okay?”Vanessa asked, helping her to her feet. “Did you trip over yourself again?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. And no, I didn’t trip over myself this time.” Valerie held out a thin piece of wood that had been lying on the tunnel floor. “I tripped over this . . .” she took a better look. “Chopstick?”
Mallory brought the light of her wand closer the piece of wood. “It IS a chopstick!”
“Do you guys realize what this means?” Bob asked.
“That the people who lived here before the house was abandoned were Chinese?” Mallory guessed.
“NO, you bloody moron! It means that Niki DID come this way!”
A light clicked on in Mallory’s brain. “You’re right! We must be on her trail . . . but what could the missing chopstick mean? What if Niki’s hurt? What if this is all that is left of her?”
“We’ll only find out if we keep going,” Eva said. “We can’t give up now.” The senshi continued their journey down the tunnel. “I wonder what sort of trouble Niki’s gotten herself into this time . . .”
After a quick round of “eeny meeny miny mo,” the senshi decided to continue their journey together in search of Niki down the middle tunnel, being too directionally deficient to determine which of the other two tunnels were the right and left.
As they walked down the tunnel, following the light of Mallory’s wand, they noticed that at first the walls were slimy, covered with a thick layer of what the girls hoped was only fungi – and not something much worse. Nevertheless, the senshi crowded together in the middle of the tunnel, attempting to avoid touching the walls altogether.
However, the further down the tunnel the senshi walked, the rougher the walls became. At first the walls took on a sandpapery feel, and then they turned even rougher – so rough that brushing up against the walls was almost as bad as being shoved violently through a wall of sticker bushes (or so Bob claimed).
The senshi huddled together even closer in avoidance of the walls, but that became more difficult as the walls started closing in on them. The walkway became so narrow that they were forced to walk single file, with only the dim glow of the wand helping them to successfully avoid the walls. Until the tunnel came to an end.
“Oh my!” Mallory gasped, nearly dropping her wand in surprise. Illuminated by the wand, she could just make out sharp pieces of metal jutting out from the wall in front of her, glittering dangerously in the darkness.
“The wall in front of us is covered with REALLY sharp spikes!” Mallory called back to the others further back in the tunnel who could not see the reason for their journey’s sudden end. She sighed with frustration. “We’ll have to turn around.”
Obediently (but grumblingly), the other senshi turned as carefully as they could to stay clear of the sandpapery walls. Unfortunately, Eva tripped over the hem of the shining cape she had borrowed from Niki. She fell, tumbling against the side wall.
“Ow!” Eva shrieked. “This wall is covered with spikes too!”
Mallory held the wand over their heads so the length of the dim glow would reach the tunnel walls on either side.
“There are spikes all around us!” Bob cried, panicked.
“Chill out,” Mallory said to the blonde. “We’ll just keep avoiding touching the walls like we have been. There’s plenty of room for us to backtrack the whole way down to where we started.”
“Yeah, it’s not like the walls are closing in on us or anything,” Valerie added, in an attempt to be reassuring. Of course, she spoke too soon.
There came the sound of a distant crank being turned slowly. There was a long squeal of a trigger being released, and suddenly –
“Oh my Niki’s Sweatshirt! The walls are closing in on us!” the senshi yelled in unison.
The girls attempted to run for it, but it was too late. The walls were closing in fast, and well . . . you know what happened next. The senshi once again died horrible, gruesome, bloody deaths. Again.
Alas! What an untimely end! Maybe you should go Back and try again.
After a quick round of “eeny meeny miny mo,” the senshi decided to continue their journey together in search of Niki down a tunnel which they directionally determined was theright tunnel after another round of the game.
As they walked down the tunnel, following the light of Mallory’s wand, they noticed that the walls were slimy, covered with a thick layer of what the girls hoped was only fungi – and not something much worse. Nevertheless, the senshi crowded together in the middle of the tunnel, attempting to avoid touching the walls altogether.
Several minutes later, the senshi came to a sudden halt.
“It’s a dead end!” Vanessa cried, gesturing to the wall of solid rock in front of them. “I guess we have no choice but to turn around.”
“No, look,” Valerie said, grabbing Mallory’s wand and holding it against the wall in front of them. “There’s a crevice along the edge, just big enough for us to squeeze through, one at a time. Well, everyone but Bob, that is,” she added with a smirk.
“Hah!” Bob huffed, grabbing the wand from Valerie and proceeding to demonstrate that she could indeed – barely – squeeze through the opening. The other senshi followed, single file, until they all reemerged in a room from which three circular tunnels extended.
“Which one do we pick now?” Mallory asked, turning around and around, looking at each tunnel for clues, before getting dizzy, losing her balance, and falling to the ground.
“Let’s keep going right,” Bob suggested. “Eventually, we have to end upsomewhere, right?”
After a quick round of “eeny meeny miny mo,” the senshi decided to continue their journey together in search of Niki down a tunnel which they directionally determined was theright tunnel after another round of the game.
As they walked down the tunnel, following the light of Mallory’s wand, they noticed that the walls were slimy, covered with a thick layer of what the girls hoped was only fungi – and not something much worse. Nevertheless, the senshi crowded together in the middle of the tunnel, attempting to avoid touching the walls altogether.
Several minutes later, the senshi came to a sudden halt.
“It’s a dead end!” Vanessa cried, gesturing to the wall of solid rock in front of them. “I guess we have no choice but to turn around.”
“No, look,” Valerie said, grabbing Mallory’s wand and holding it against the wall in front of them. “There’s a crevice along the edge, just big enough for us to squeeze through, one at a time. Well, everyone but Bob, that is,” she added with a smirk.
“Hah!” Bob huffed, grabbing the wand from Valerie and proceeding to demonstrate that she could indeed – barely – squeeze through the opening. The other senshi followed, single file, until they all reemerged in a room from which three circular tunnels extended.
“Which one do we pick now?” Mallory asked, turning around and around, looking at each tunnel for clues, before getting dizzy, losing her balance, and falling to the ground.
“Let’s keep going right,” Bob suggested. “Eventually, we have to end upsomewhere, right?”
After a quick round of “eeny meeny miny mo,” the senshi decided to continue their journey together in search of Niki down the right tunnel yet again.
As they walked down the tunnel, following the light of Mallory’s wand, they noticed that the walls were slimy, covered with a thick layer of what the girls hoped was only fungi – and not something much worse. Nevertheless, the senshi crowded together in the middle of the tunnel, attempting to avoid touching the walls altogether.
Several minutes later, the senshi came to a sudden halt.
“It’s a dead end!” Vanessa cried, gesturing to the wall of solid rock in front of them. “I guess we have no choice but to turn around.”
“No, look,” Valerie said, grabbing Mallory’s wand and holding it against the wall in front of them. “There’s a crevice along the edge, just big enough for us to squeeze through, one at a time. Well, everyone but Bob, that is,” she added with a smirk.
“Hah!” Bob huffed, grabbing the wand from Valerie and proceeding to demonstrate that she could indeed – barely – squeeze through the opening. The other senshi followed, single file, until they all reemerged in a room from which three circular tunnels extended.
“Argh! Deja vu!” Bob cried.
“This looks eerily like where we’ve been before. I swear we must be going in circles!” Vanessa exclaimed.
“But we’ll never know for sure unless we leave something behind,” Eva said. “If we end up here again and find the item, then we will know that we have been here before.”
“Wait, I’m confused . . .”
“We better not leave bread crumbs on the ground,” Valerie said, “because Bob would just come along and eat them all.”
“I would not!” Bob retorted. “I don’t like bread!” She turned to the others. “How about we leave Valerie behind?”
Valerie shrugged. “That’s fine with me.” She plopped down on the ground and tried to make herself comfortable. “If you don’t come back in a few minutes, I will assume that you found your way out and/or died gruesome, pathetic, bloody deaths, as usual.”
Mallory nodded. “That’s not a bad assumption.”
“Speaking of bloody deaths . . .” Valerie swiped a finger along the ground near where she sat, and it came back slick with gooey red stuff. “Blood.”
“You don’t think it’s Niki’s?!!” Eva exclaimed, covering her mouth in horror.
Valerie licked her finger. “No, it’s mine.”
“YOURS?!!”
“It must be from when the b*tch sliced my arm open with her nappy fingernails.”
“That’s only because you ripped out my hair!” Bob cried in defense.
“It’s not like your hair is real anyway,” Valerie shot back. “At any rate, do you know what this means?”
“That you need to sanitize your wound before it becomes infected and your arm falls off?” Mallory guessed.
“No, it means that all this time we have been going in circles.”
Vanessa sighed. “Time to try another tunnel, I guess.”
After falling down the hole into the basement, Niki successfully managed to land on her feet (she had learned a little something or two from all of the cats she had owned over the years). Due to the large amount of carrots she consumed on a regular basis (unlike Mallory who tended to choke and die), her eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness, and she immediately noticed the three tunnels.
Faintly, Niki could hear the distant voices of her friends and Bob calling down to her from the porch, far overhead. Just as she was about to yell back, a flash of a fat body, all round in the middle with legs that tapered down into a fin, caught her eye.
“Mr. Walrus!” Niki cried ecstatically, spinning around towards the tunnel on the left where she had seen the flash of the familiar creature’s sexy legs round the corner. There was no one there. Of course, that didn’t stop her from bolting immediately for the tunnel, yelling for the love of her life to come back.
The entrance to the tunnel proved to be a tight squeeze, and Niki regretted not having her friends around to help shove her through. However, her determination to pursue Mr. Walrus was enough of a force to get her past the opening, and for several minutes she waddled down the tunnel as quickly as she could.
Eventually, exhaustion overcame Niki (the fifty pounds of cotton that filled her costume didn’t help with the movement thing), and she gave up the pursuit. Teary-eyed, Niki plopped down onto a nearby rock with some difficulty. I must have been hallucinating, Niki thought. Apparently I’ve been around Valerie too much and her psychotic tendencies have been rubbing off on me.
“It’s no use,” she sighed aloud. Of course, the chopsticks that still protruded from her mouth, inhibiting the formation of sensible sounds, made it come out more along the lines of, “ptsd bweo reshru.”
Unable to understand the words coming out of her own mouth, Niki removed the chopsticks and threw one of them to the ground. “Ah, much better,” she sighed audibly. She slipped the other into the pocket of her walrus suit. After all, you never know when sharp pieces of wood can come in handy. Particularly if any vampires inhabited the basement.
“Alas. I fear that I will never again find the Great, All-Powerful Walrus, ruler of my dreams . . . and of my heart,” Niki added dramatically, slapping her chest where her heart would be (assuming she had one, of course) for extra emphasis. Not that anyone could hear her.
Or could they?
Niki, a mysteriously disembodied voice called quietly, echoing through the otherwise silent tunnel.
God? Niki replied, looking around the tunnel for the origin of the voice.
No, I am not your sweatshirt.
I didn’t think so. You don’t sound blue. Niki paused for a moment to consider the other mystically disembodied voices that might speak to her. It wasn’t Eva because she was with the others, so it must be . . .
“Mr. Walrus?” Niki gasped. “Is that you?”
Of course it is, the voice replied. Come to me, Niki Renier. Come to me.
“Okay!” Immediately, Niki leapt to her feet as fast as the bulk and weight of her costume would allow. She began waddling in the direction from which Niki guesstimated the Walrus’s voice had come.
A moment later, she stopped. Something doesn’t seem right, Niki thought. What would Mr. Walrus be doing in the basement of a creepy old house. This feels like a trap . . . what if it isn’t Mr. Walrus? What should I do?
After a moment’s deliberation, Niki continued her waddle down the tunnel, her fins slapping the walls on either side of her, which was kind of gross. She was relieved when she felt the tunnel open up into a wider room. The new room was pitch black, and even with her beta-carotene enhanced vision, Niki couldn’t make out a thing through the darkness.
Niki continued to scoot along the wall until the edge of her fin brushed up against a light switch. The room lit up, illuminating a narrow stone walkway that crossed a deep, black hole the stretched the length of the room, to reach an immense throne on the other side of the pit.
And on the throne sat Mr. Walrus.
Niki was overjoyed. She took a teetering step forward, out onto the narrow bridge. “Here I am, Mr. Walrus!” She took another step forward. And another, and another, until she was halfway across the bridge, too far from either side to make a desperate leap to safety if the bridge were to suddenly collapse – Niki’s Sweatshirt forbid.
As if on cue, the stone bridge shuddered under her feet, and Niki threw out her arms to help keep her balance. “Er, Mr. Walrus, can you lend me a fin?” Niki asked nervously. “I’m currently quite a bit wider than the bridge, and that is only making the walking safely across thing more difficult.”
The creature on the throne remained unmoving and silent.
“Mr. Walrus? Help me!” Niki cried again, looking desperately at Mr. Walrus. Only it wasn’t Mr. Walrus anymore. The creature on the throne began to shimmer and glow as it shape shifted into the figure of a tall, scary woman, with long dark hair and cold eyes.
“You’re not Mr. Walrus!” Niki yelled. “You’re an imposter!”
The only reply was a deep and sinister: “Mwhahahahaha.”
Are you kidding? You know that Niki would never resist a chance to be with Mr. Walrus, no matter what the potential danger!
“I think something is wrong,” Vanessa said, coming to a sudden halt. She sank wearily onto the rock which Niki had sat on just minutes before. “There’s a evil presence here,” she said, her eyes glazing over with the power of a vision.
“Vanessa’s having a real vision!” Mallory said with surprise as the taller girl’s eyelids fluttered creepily. “I didn’t think that she was actually capable of doing that.”
“There’s evil nearby,” Vanessa said faintly. To keep from passing out and falling from the rock, she leaned against Bob for support. “I can sense it.”
“That’s because you’re touching Bob,” Valerie said. “Gross! I would rather lick the wall.”
The others ignored her, intently focused on Vanessa’s pale and worried face. “Are you sure? You don’t think something hurt Niki, do you?”
Mallory turned to Eva. “What about you? Do you sense anything?”
Eva bit her lip in concentration. “Well, the Web of Time seems to be intact, but there’s something else that doesn’t feel right. I’ve noticed that the further we’ve traveled down this tunnel, the more the Wall Between the Worlds have been thinning.”
“What are you talking about? The walls are as thick as ever.” Mallory tapped her wand against the side of the tunnel. “See? It’s perfectly solid.”
“Not THAT wall!” Eva exclaimed. “The Wall Between the Worlds!”
Mallory looked really confused.
“I’m not sure how to explain it.”
“Oh, I get it!” Bob cried. “It’s like that time Niki moronically jumped through the TV into another dimension. The TV was acting as a Wall Between the Worlds then, wasn’t it?”
“Exactly!” Eva said. “And now Niki seems to have stumbled into yet another portal.”
“She seems to do that a lot,” Mallory said.
Valerie nodded. “There’s always something going on with Niki. The TV thing. And the getting kidnaped thing. And the whole evil alter ego thing.”
Mallory sighed. “It can be hard to keep track of her, huh? But we have no choice.” She swung around and pointed down the tunnel with her wand arm. They could just make out the light of a room ahead, still far in the distance. “It’s time to rescue Niki yet again. Let’s go!”
Niki stared with wide eyes at The Scary Woman who sat upon the throne where the walrus was only a moment before. She shuddered. There was just something about this woman that was . . . really, really, scary. If Mallory had been there, she would have been petrified. Stay away, Mal! Niki sent out a silent warning. This scary woman could very well be your worst nightmare.
“You fool!” the scary woman hissed through unnaturally sharp teeth. “The walrus was never here. I used my power of illusions to lure you into my lair. This throne room is a forbidden portal that none may enter. I am the Guardian, and you are a trespasser, so you must die!”
“Oh, I get it!” Niki cried in realization after it had all been spelled out for her. “You’re a Guardian between realms, just like Eva! Only much scarier. And probably not afraid of doors.”
The Scary Woman rolled her eyes. “Are you done blabbering yet?”
Niki shook her head. “Not quite. Just out of curiosity, why are you in the basement of this old house? Loserville isn’t known for its solid, above sea-level ground. “Aren’t you worried that the house will fall apart, sink into the mud, and take your underground lair with it?”
“Fool!” The Scary Woman yelled again. “This is a Portal Between the Worlds. Ancient magic created this place and it was here long before your pathetic town ever existed, and here it will remain for all eternity. The house was built years ago to frighten off would-be trespassers. After all, what moron would willingly enter a haunted house where only death, destruction, and mayhem awaited them?”
“You’d be surprised at the kinds of morons we have here in Loserville. Like my brothers. Or all of my friends, for that matter.”
“Do you have any MORE last words before I destroy you?”
Niki shrugged. “I’m not one for big speeches, that’s a Sailor Moo thing. I’m just a back up synchronized nodder. But before you like, blow me up or whatever, I’d just like to point out that if you hadn’t lured me here, I never would have trespassed, so really this is all your fault.”
The Scary Woman glared as her face turned red with anger and smoke billowed out of her ears. “SHUT UP!” She raised her arms in the air. The room dimmed as streaks of lightening lit up the ceiling. “PREPARE TO DIE!”
The senshi rushed into the room just in time to see a dark ring of power building over the throne. Niki stood, unmoving, in her walrus costume on the narrow bridge.
“Ah!” Mallory cried in fear, covering her eyes. “That woman in REALLY scary!”
“Why isn’t Niki defending herself?” Eva cried. “She’s about to be blown to pieces!”
“Maybe she can’t move because she’s too fat,” Valerie suggested. “Bob would know what that’s like.” Bob glared.
“We need to do something to distract The Scary Woman so we’ll have time to transform!” Vanessa cried, taking control of the situation as Mallory cowered in the corner, whimpering in fear. “Quick! Throw something at her!”
Without a moment’s hesitation to think of a better weapon, Bob immediately reached down and pulled off one of her shoes. She threw it with all of her might in the direction of The Scary Woman.
Unfortunately, Bob’s aim really sucked and the shoe flew through the air, hitting Niki squarely on the back of her head before falling straight down into the deep chasm. Fortunately, Niki was buried underneath so much padding that she didn’t feel a thing.
“Mwhahahaha!” The Scary Woman began laughing hysterically, burying her head in her hands in an attempt to muffle the neurotic outburst. The ring of power that had been building in the air evaporated into nothing.
“Quick!” Mallory cried, once again in control. “While she’s busy mocking our patheticness, let’s be useful and transform!”
“UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“UNKNOWN RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“ECCO PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!”
“CHOCOLATE PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!”
Niki looked over with surprise as the other senshi came into view for the first time, fully transformed. She raised her own rhomberry into the air.
“24601 RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“Fellow senshi, attack!” Niki cried.
Without a moment’s hesitation to think of a better weapon, Niki immediately reached down into her pocket and pulled out her walrus tusk-y chopstick. She threw it with all of her might in the direction of The Scary Woman.
The chopstick flew through the air, slicing across The Scary Woman’s face before hitting the back wall with a thud.
“Ah! You cut my face!” The Scary Woman cried as a trickle of blood ran down her cheek. She buried her face in her hands in an attempt to rub off the blood. The ring of power that had been building in the air evaporated into nothing.
“Quick!” Niki cried. “While she’s distracted, transform!”
“24601 RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“UNICO RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“PSYCHY RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“ECCO PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!”
“CHOCOLATE PENCIL POWER, MAKEUP!”
Bob managed to squeeze her foot back into the shoe she had just taken off and would have thrown, had Niki not had lightening-fast reflexes. Ha ha.
“UNKNOWN RHOMBI POWER, MAKEUP!”
“Fellow senshi, attack!” Niki cried.
Vanessa leapt forward to the edge of the bridge. “ANTHROPOMORPHISM!” she screamed. Before the other senshi’s very eyes, Vanessa began shrinking rapidly as her skin took on a greenish hue. A patterned shell grew around her body, and a moment later, the transformation was complete. She was a turtle.
I’ll get her! Vanessa’s tiny voice yelled in their minds as turtle-Vanessa took one excruciatingly slow step forward. And then another. Before Vanessa had completed her third inch-long step, The Scary Woman sent a surge of power that flew straight for the other senshi’s heads.
Fortunately, they were able to synchronously duck in time – thanks to years of honing their dodge ball abilities in P.E. It’s just a shame they were all still too hand-eye-coordinationally challenged to actually catch a ball. Ducking was always the only option.
“Well that was completely worthless,” Bob sneered at turtle-Vanessa who had moved another three inches during the attack. “She’ll kill us all before Vanessa makes it halfway across the bridge!”
“I can’t help but agree with you,” Valerie sighed as she stood up from her ducking position. “At least when she transformed into a rabbit, she had big pointy teeth. The turtle is just pathetic.”
“You think you could do better?” Bob asked.
Valerie narrowed her eyes. “Do you think you could?”
Valerie responded immediately. She sat down on the ground, folded her legs, and rested her elbows on her knees. A moment later, she was floating several feet above the ground and glowing a vivid green.
“RABID LEMMINGS – MEDITATION!” she screamed. At that instant, a flock of rabid lemmings materialized and fell from the sky (some using umbrellas, but most injuring themselves greatly upon landing). The lemmings surged across the bridge in the direction of The Scary Woman.
Unfortunately, Niki was in the way. The lemmings trampled into her as one large mass, sending the poor senshi toppling over the edge of the bridge – and into the chasm below. One by one, the lemmings toppled over the edge as well, still several yards from The Scary Woman. The Scary Woman broke into yet another fit of hysterical laughter.
“Oh my God!” Valerie cried. “I’ve killed Niki! Somebody do something!”
Eva stepped forward to the edge of the pit and raised her arms. “WEB OF TIME – REVEAL!” she screamed. There was a bright purple flash of light as an intricate web of semi-translucent strands appeared strung all the way across the room.
Grabbing hold of a strand that hung down into the pit, Eva pulled with all her might. From over the edge of the chasm, Niki came flying backwards, the opposite of the way she had fallen until she was once again safely on the bridge.
“Thanks, Eva!” Niki cried.
Eva smiled faintly in return. Manipulating the web of time had left her exhausted and her power drained. It was someone else’s turn to attack.
Gulping back her almost overwhelming fears of The Scary Woman (could you blame her?), Mallory closed her eyes and called upon her inner power. A star glowed brightly on Mallory’s forehead as a unicorn horn sprouted.
“THE SEA IS ALWAYS GOOD!” she screamed, unleashing a bright wave that crashed over the throne on which The Scary Woman stood.
“Yes!” Mallory yelled in triumph as the wave of power overwhelmed the attack that The Scary Woman had been forming. A moment later, her face fell when she realized that there was a stronger force – a shield of some kind – that still protected the evil guardian.
The Scary Woman grinned wickedly in return, once again preparing to strike. Yelping in terror, Mallory ran away, resuming her position cowering in the corner.
“Mallory, snap out of it!” Vanessa commanded. “We need to get her before SHE gets US!”
It’s all up to me, Bob thought to herself as she assessed the current battle situation from her safe position, well out of the range of any attacks. The others are pathetic imbeciles. Without my help, they’ll all be dead – or worse, reincarnated! She fondled her untied boot. It’s a shame the shoe throwing thing didn’t work out . . .
Bob’s eyes lit up as a plan formed in her bleached blonde head. I have an idea! She ducked back behind the corner, not far from where Mallory was hyperventilating. “INVISIBLE SHOCK!” Bob whispered forcefully. She vanished silently, blending in so well with the wall that it was as though she was invisible – well, duh.
Stealthily, Bob crept towards the throne, careful to avoid running into any senshi – or attacks for that matter – so that The Scary Woman wouldn’t be alerted to her presence until it was too late.
Bob was within a hand span of the throne when a voice suddenly bellowed behind her, “PSYCHOTIC SCREAM!” Jumping with surprise, Bob brushed up against the shield that surrounded the throne.
A blast of power sent the blonde flying back, over the chasm, and straight into Valerie. Valerie was knocked instantly to the ground, and from her painful position under the bulk of Bob’s weight, she lost control of her attack. The power surge went flying into the wall, blasting a hole through the stone, but leaving the throne untouched.
“Look what you made me do!” Valerie cried angrily, her voice muffled under Bob’s weight. “Get off of me, blondie, before I blast a hole in YOU!”
“It’s your fault she’s still alive,” Bob retorted as she climbed off of Valerie (making sure to kick and pinch her multiple times in the process). “You ruined my stealth attack!”
“How was I supposed to know you were attacking? I couldn’t see you!”
“THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT!” Bob screamed back.
“Hey, you too!” Eva cried, slapping both of them in the head with the back of her hand (she only wished she had her staff). “Stop bickering this instant! We’re kind of in the middle of a battle here.”
Bob and Valerie separated from each other, and with one final pull of the hair and snarl of the lips, they turned to rejoin the fight.
Niki still stood in the middle of the bridge, directly in the line of attack – or in the best possible position TO attack, she preferred to think. Clenching her fists with determination, she took a deep breath. I’ll get you back for toying with the few emotions that I actually have! Niki thought. No one pretends to be the Great and Powerful Walrus and gets away with it!
Niki closed her eyes and drew on the reserves of power, deep inside of her. Your soul is mine.
“DEAD SNAKE!” Niki cried. In one blast of power, a gigantic dead snake flew from the air over Niki’s head, aimed straight for The Scary Woman. The snake broke through whatever defenses were still in place around the throne, and wrapped itself around The Scary Woman.
The guardian gasped as the snake squeezed tighter, her power draining away with every last breath. “So much power,” The Scary Woman croaked with surprise, her face ashen. “TOO much power. You will regret this in the end,” she managed to smirk before the snake crushed her completely and both vanished from sight.
“You did it!” Valerie cried, rushing up to Niki and slapping her on the back. The other senshi rushed forward in unison. “I can’t believe you did it! No, really, it comes as a total shock.”
Before Niki could reply, there was a rumble in the distance. A moment later, the rumble came again – longer, louder, and much MUCH closer. The rumble became a roar.
Eva’s eyes widened in fear – and realization. “The power Niki released was too great!” she yelled. “The places where realities merge are always the weakest physically. The portal has become unstable! The physics of this world have been disrupted!” she cried in horror.
“But what does it all mean?” Niki cried. “I sucked in physics!”
“It means that your power has caused the portal to crumble – so EVERYTHING else will too!”
“You mean like the ceiling?”
As if in reply, the throne shone a deep crimson before exploding outwards. Shards of the throne lodged themselves in the walls and ceiling. A moment later, the ceiling came crashing down.
Alas! To have crushed the enemy and then be crushed in return. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?”
Alas! What an untimely end! Maybe you should go Back and try again.
She’s nothing more than a scary woman, she’s nothing more than a scary woman, Mallory attempted to reassure herself as she tried once again to get up the nerve to reenter the battle. She can’t hurt you. She’s just really, REALLY scary. Really.
A cry for help finally drew Mallory out from her hiding place. It’s now or never, she thought resolutely. The horn on her forehead glowed brightly. “STARLIGHT EINHORN MIRAGE!” she screamed. The floor of the room split open, forming a riff as long as the pit surrounding the throne was wide.
A swarm of shining butterflies flew from the riff and attacked the throne with such a force that they ate their way through the shield surrounding the throne before falling to pieces in a shower of silver sparks.
“Curses!” The Scary Woman yelled angrily, her eyes blazing.
Mallory couldn’t help but grin. You’re not so scary now, are you? “I’ve destroyed the shield!” Mallory yelled to the others. “She’s vulnerable now. ATTACK!”
Niki watched as the other senshi continued to unleash attack after attack on The Scary Woman, but even without the shield surrounding the throne, she was still too powerful. What we need is another diversion, Niki realized, as she prepared to attack. How about a little wind storm?
“GREEN JELLO TYPHOON!” Niki screamed. Immediately, The Scary Woman’s head snapped up as her eyes filled with something – was it fear?
A wind picked up around Niki, swirling until it was hurricane force before it was released – heading for The Scary Woman. At first, the guardian didn’t move until the first gust struck, knocking her back several paces. A moment later, the winds changed as The Scary Woman turned the power back on Niki.
The green jello typhoon (of course there wasn’t any green jello) struck Niki and the other senshi, knocking them back and disrupting the attacks they had been preparing. Stale mate, Niki thought. A new course of action needs to be taken.
Bob rolled her eyes as she watched the other senshi’s attacks fall harmlessly away from The Scary Woman, one at a time, inflicting no harm while wasting way too much of the senshi’s own energy. They always need me at times like this.
Bob licked her lips and attempted to roll up her sleeves, but found that since they were short, it couldn’t be done. She spread her legs wider, taking up a defensive stance. “PINK SMELLY SKUNK – ATTACK!” she screamed. An army of pink skunks appeared and rushed towards The Scary Woman, their tails raised and their expressions mean.
The skunks sprayed with all their might in the direction of the evil guardian – there was just one problem. There were too many windy forces in the air from the senshi’s various attacks. The spray veered off course, hitting each of the senshi and missing The Scary Woman altogether. What a very rabid lemmings thing to do.
One by one, the senshi passed out, and one by one, they each fell into the deep chasm – to their deaths, until the only one left in the throne room was The Scary Woman. “Mwhahahahaha,” she chortled victoriously. “How pathetic were they?”
Alas! What an untimely end! Maybe you should go Back and try again.
Niki still stood in the middle of the bridge, directly in the line of attack – or in the best possible position TO attack, she preferred to think. Clenching her fists with determination, she took a deep breath. I’ll get you back for toying with the few emotions that I actually have! Niki thought. No one pretends to be the Great and Powerful Walrus and gets away with it!
“You’re going down!” she threatened The Scary Woman.
The Scary Woman rolled her eyes. “Am I? Just show me what you’ve got. Bring it!”
“It’s already been brought’n!” Niki yelled back.
Niki closed her eyes and drew on the reserves of power, deep inside of her. So, you like imitating walruses? Well how much do you like watching them twirl flags?
“WALRUS PEP RALLY!” Niki screamed. One by one, a dozen walruses popped into view, each one wearing a flag team uniform, and each one twirling a flag. Each one doing absolutely nothing useful.
“Mwhahahahaha!” The Scary Woman chortled. “You call that a power? I call that a joke!”
“I haven’t even gotten to the funny part,” Niki replied. “There’s still the big green jello finale!”
The Scary Woman’s eyes widened. “Green jello?” she croaked, worry in her voice.
In reply, at that moment, a ton of green jello materialized in the air, situated over The Scary Woman’s head. The jello fell from the air, sloshing down directly over the throne and seeping down into the chasm. The evil guardian was hit straight on.
“AHHHHHH!” The Scary Woman screamed in terror-filled pain. “I’m melting! Meeeellllllttiinnggg!” Sure enough, The Scary Woman melted away until nothing was left but a puddle of goop which was quickly absorbed by the wiggly jiggly jello squares.
Niki nodded in satisfaction as the other senshi stared in awe. “Green jello. It gets them every time.”
Hooray! You successfully defeated The Scary Woman! Congratulations on such a great Halloween Adventure!
But what would have happened if you had chosen a different course? Go Back and try again.